To think a lot of affluent people in the UK are quite miserable?

[AliceAbsolum]

Maybe it's the circles I move in, but I see so many people who are not happy. I'm assuming they're not happy because:

-They're on antidepressants
-They use alcohol or food excessively
-They talk about moving away to a different place
-They talk about struggling with everyday life (kids/parents/jobs)
-They have time off work for stress
-They work long hours and feel overwhelmed
-Some are obsessed with exercise and clean eating and seem very tense

I feel like living in the UK (and not in poverty, as that's a whole different story) is such a privilege. I wouldn't last a week living on a dollar a day without electricity or running water! So why are so many people miserable?
For me I have come to the conclusion that I need more time outside. I spent a lot of time, especially in the winter staring at a screen, I feel like I'm surrounded by concrete and consumed by work stress. I don't feel like I have a strong sense of community (small family who live far away, and no children as an older millennial).

Do you think most people you know are happy with the lifestyle and culture in the UK?

I agree, I think a lot of people are stressed.
There is a long hours culture I don't see as much in other European countries, as well as fewer bank holidays and shorter school holidays.

It feels like we have to be 'on' all the time.

There was an article i read recently interviewing middle aged men who caught the train into Waterloo on a daily basis.
One said he had to spend an hour in the bath every Sunday night so he could cry because he dreaded his week so much. Another one said it was pointless telling anyone how terrible he felt about his life because it would make no difference.
All high earners. I thought it was absolutely tragic.
It’s terrible, in a very different way to all those going mad with desperation because they don’t know how they’re going to make it to the next pay day, but still terrible.

Yup. Seems like a lot of people have got themselves into a trap. Earn more, spend more, earn more etc. Then they end up unable to contemplate not spending, which would allow them to take the pressure off work wise. It's an overall lack of thought or planning tbh. There are choices in life, but most people don't seem able to step back and see their behaviours or lifestyle as a choice. Questions aren't encouraged in the media though, it's all buy buy consume. It's not exactly a balanced picture of life out there!

We need money to live, but we don't need to be high earners. My goal was to have enough money that I don't have to worry about what food I buy, putting on the heating, or going out for a cheap night out. I love my job, my DP loves his job. Neither of us is well paid.
We go away cheap holidays, camping at weekends, staying with friends, cheap holidays abroad.
You need a certain amount of money to enjoy life, but too many people get focused on money over actually enjoying their life.

I think it is so sad when people feel like they are needing to show they have everything, but at what cost I think.
We have moved to a society where you need 'stuff" to be seen as happy and successful. Flashy holiday, big houses, brand new cars, latest handbags and shoes and Jewellery. You are not successful unless you are putting in 100hrs a week and partner in the firm.

I think when you are so involved in the "rat race" you simply can't see another way life could work. The amount of people I have seen "hitting the wall" and simply just breaking down under the perceived pressures of life, when they then realise taking a step back is actually ok and downsizing or cutting back is actually what life is about. Money and status is not where your friends, family and love is.

But the true happiness is being content in what you have and laughing with your family every day, because you actually get to spend real time with them now.

The other side of that is obviously the "wealthy" have that option, the people who are skint and unhappy can't change their lives in that way, but that's a completely different kettle of fish.

I know I put pressure on myself because I want the DC to have opportunities I didn't have growing up or the things more well off friends have (like a garden) but who's to say the bigger benefit wouldn't be a more relaxed mum?

(We're not actually affluent I think we're 'the squeezed middle'/JAMs)

Those high earners that @Herocomplex refers to do have a choice though. They can change their lifestyle. They can move to a lesser paid job requiring less hours. Move to a cheaper area, etc. The lifestyle they live has to be funded. If the misery of funding it makes you that unhappy then you need to make a decision. They aren't trapped.

The stories are sad, especially the one about the man crying in the bath. At the end of day though, there is a choice.

I think there is an "affluence trap" as well as a poverty trap. The (few) people I know with high incomes also have high outgoings so they're stuck in their jobs to maintain the lifestyle, mortgage payments etc.

The most contented people I know (and I include myself in this) have enough to pay the bills, have some treats, a holiday, but don't have major financial commitments. The whole culture of "wanting it all" is getting worse instead of better though so I think you will see less and less "happy" people as time goes on.

There is a way out of the affluence trap. The poverty trap is not so easy to escape. I know that I'd rather be caught in an affluence "trap". At least you have options.

Our culture seems to value money (& material possessions) above all else. And what is considered "necessary" seems to have inflated with time as well - so many people aren't happy to share a car with their spouse (assuming only mild inconvenience results), live in anything other than a detached house, have a room for each of their children (no matter the ages/sexes of the children), go abroad every year, spend £100s every month on personal grooming and clothes etc.. Even things like stag/hen dos (to take a random example) have inflated from a few drinks in a pub to long weekends in foreign cities. The culture pushes more more more all the time, and even if you've got enough, you have to then "upgrade" it.

I’m always surprised by how people think money solves all problems. I can only assume that people who believe this don’t know anyone very affluent!

And anyway as you imply in your post you could argue that in the West we are all ridiculously wealthy by historical and global standards.

Obviously having a decent amount in the bank helps but I think that research shows fairly conclusively that above a fairly moderate amount it really makes no difference at all to happiness levels. Very affluent people still suffer from anxiety and depression, they compare themselves to others, their kids still have problems, their relationships break down, their loved ones get sick, their jobs go kaput, they get old and infirm and like everyone else they have to face up to the fact that no matter how much you’ve got, we all end up in the same place. These things are human things. Maybe it’s worse if you’re very wealthy because you’d assume that having a lot means that you have fewer problems, and the reality is that this really isn’t the case. What a disappointment that is.

An excessive amount of wealth can also have a really negative impact on people - it can being out the worst in personality flaws because there’s absolutely no check or restraint on what you can do or buy.

I always assume the majority of people are unhappy because they are living lives of servitude with children. It really shapes your life and limits how much you can do.

There is a way out of the affluence trap. The poverty trap is not so easy to escape. I know that I'd rather be caught in an affluence "trap". At least you have options.

It's very much a trap. A mental one. You just get used to much nicer stuff and cheaper options seem pretty awful.

Another thought DH had is that if he quit his career, he'd work fewer hours for less pay but would need to spend a few hours doing gardening, cleaning, ironing and other chores as we couldn't afford to pay others to do them. He then decided he might as well spend those ours in the office, pay others and still have loads more money left over with the same amount of time left for fun stuff.

I think people are no longer good at recognising what makes them content, what they really value and enjoy. They don't always stop to think about it so just plod on.
Obviously, it must be nice to not have to worry about money or bills but I think there is a saturation point where gaining more doesn't reap any worthwhile benefits when you look at the sacrifices.
We aimed at bit lower in life on purpose - apartment not house, stepped down in careers to a reasonable income/work/ life balance so we could have a quality of life we want.
It took a serious illness to make us see this. There's a lot to be said for lowering your expectations and learning to be grateful for what you have.

But surely you would be better in a job you actually enjoy? Doing a bit of cleaning and gardening at home really is not a big deal.

My Grandad, who grew up very poor but became quite well off, used to say "money can't buy you happiness but it makes being miserable a darn sight more comfortable".

I think it's very difficult to be happy if you don't know where your next meal is/how you'll pay the rent. Beyond that it gives you choices, which it's up to you to use carefully.

Unfortunately for too many people, money is about what it can buy for them to show off to others and there is no amount that will ever be enough.

I love the five ways to well-being that the NHS is currently using. All of those things are easier to achieve if you have some money, but money doesn't automatically bring them. It's still down to you to make it happen.

I think doing work you enjoy that is meaningful makes a massive difference to happiness.

You just get used to much nicer stuff and cheaper options seem pretty awful

Well more fool them. You only have to watch a few episodes of shop or eat well for less to see that hardly anyone can tell the cheap from the expensive reliably, or they at least don't think it's worth the extra and the cheaper or middle option is fine if it's costing a lot less.

If people are 'trapped' in high stress long hours 'big jobs' because they 'have' to have a newish Range Rover, shop in high end shops, live in the most expensive areas, or spend a fortune on premium products then they usually only have themselves to blame.

Interesting thread. I think the consumerist culture is partly to blame but also admit I feel better being able to afford nice things, help in the house, holidays etc. Poor health has made me appreciate the basics more though.

We have 1 family car. It causes slight inconvenience at times, but I would have to work more hours and get care for our boys to have 2 cars.

I think it is because we are raised to seriously believe that money averts all problems and we are never going to be as rich as our parents because things cost so much now and you have to pay the help properly for essentially running your home and parenting your children.

I think you have to think a bit to get the balance right in the UK.

Weather, food and architecture are usually a bit lacking. Plus families can be atomised.

If you are earning decent money always live beneath your salary is my advice. Financial writers have used the expression "pay yourself first." Which I have taken to mean put money away in savings before you have the chance to feel it is yours to spend.

That way the sense of being trapped in a particular role should lessen over time.

I'd rather be caught in an affluence "trap". At least you have options.

Agreed.

Or SAH for some. I've done all the combinations of full time/part time/wfh/study since having DS and I definitely prefer SAH to doing a job I don't enjoy.

The pt wfh job was great and interesting but fixed term and I've not found anything like that since.

I think in this country there isn't really a sense of community (maybe not true everywhere in the UK) people are continually quietly competing with neighbours, friends, family and that leads to a stressful and unhappy life. It seems to be that we are never content with what we have.