To think a lot of affluent people in the UK are quite miserable?

[AliceAbsolum]

Maybe it's the circles I move in, but I see so many people who are not happy. I'm assuming they're not happy because:

-They're on antidepressants
-They use alcohol or food excessively
-They talk about moving away to a different place
-They talk about struggling with everyday life (kids/parents/jobs)
-They have time off work for stress
-They work long hours and feel overwhelmed
-Some are obsessed with exercise and clean eating and seem very tense

I feel like living in the UK (and not in poverty, as that's a whole different story) is such a privilege. I wouldn't last a week living on a dollar a day without electricity or running water! So why are so many people miserable?
For me I have come to the conclusion that I need more time outside. I spent a lot of time, especially in the winter staring at a screen, I feel like I'm surrounded by concrete and consumed by work stress. I don't feel like I have a strong sense of community (small family who live far away, and no children as an older millennial).

Do you think most people you know are happy with the lifestyle and culture in the UK?

I don’t believe money is what makes people happy.

However time and time again I see that having some money to throw at a problem can reduce stress immensely.

I know someone like this and they moved abroad thinking it would be better- turns out it is no different and they know what to come back. They were under the illusion things would change- but they repeated the situation here- buying a huge expensive house and getting a big mortgage now with the worry of Brexit and all that goes with it. they are stuck there and want to return but can't. (or feel they can't)

But a lot of people waste so much money and work hours in jobs they dont like to afford it. You do need money. Being in real poverty is shit. But we are not talking about that.

We are wealthier and safer than we’ve ever been in the west, but apparently it doesn’t feel like it.

I think a lot of people fall into the trap of believing money/career = happiness.

I can't think of anything worse than working stupid hours for 40+ years of my life. I'd rather earn less and have more time - all this working and saving for the future is all well and good, but not everyone makes it to retirement age or beyond.

No point working yourself so hard you end up sick with stress by the time you're 55.

Perfect thread for my first post.

My daughter came to live with me recently (I am the Dad), because her Mum had been struggling with her mental health. I found juggling my full time working hours and getting things done round the house / parenting etc to be almost impossible. Racing from one place to the next had a negative impact on both our lives and triggered some annoying anxiety and mild depression in me.

I have just arranged to reduce my working hours to remedy the situation. Personally, I don't mind earning less as long as we have an improvement in our quality of life.

It is easy to see how people get caught up chasing money and flashy material things, and I am certain this is why there are so many unhappy people in the UK. I would guess there is quite a lot of guilt that is associated with it too. I felt very guilty the times I was too tired to give my daughter the attention and support she deserves.

It is a cliché but still true. Money does not buy happiness, especially if you are sacrificing your mental health to earn it.

Having money relieves the stress of not worrying about housing and food and luxuries, but happiness is a whole other thing. We live somewhere with a really strong sense of community, we have neighbours and friends that we can call on in times of trouble and stress, and we help them out. Our kids play together, we share the fun times and the difficult. That network has been a godsend for our family - and that's what brings us happiness.

I've 'ruined' my career in the last 5 years or so, cutting back on hours to spend time with my young kids, and in my managers' eyes showing that I'm not serious about progression. And I don;t give a monkey's! I have a great work/life balance where I have work I enjoy, see my children and have time for a hobby. We have less money but enough to do us. You work to live IMHO and not the other way around.

Having money relieves the stress of not worrying about housing and food and luxuries

Hm, I'm not sure I necessarily agree with this! Lots of people fall into the trap of high earnings = bigger mortgage, private school fees, expensive hobbies/pets, expensive phone contracts etc. and then struggle to make ends meet without going into debt/the overdraft each month. You see it on here all the time - they get into the lifestyle of being rich and don't want to lose it by cutting back on any luxuries.

Too many people have fallen into the 'trap' of having the best of everything and are following 'Marslow's Hierarchy of Needs'.
Google it, very interesting...

Also applies to animals of all kinds.

Depends what you term as affluent OP. A lot of people would define affluent as not having the need to work. I live in the countryside where there are a lot of people who own large houses with land outright, who have inherited their wealth and a lot of them also have the problems you describe. My suspicion is that they don't go outdoors often enough and don't socialise much either. Fresh air and company are really good for you.

Then theres people who have the rather unpleasant British commute to work each day, but need it to pay the mortgage and bills. I don't think they're particularly lucky because they aren't some peasant somewhere. Commuting and working in modern Britain, where you are subject to performance reviews and an often bullying workplace culture is a hard life, requiring a lot of social skills to be juggled simultaneously.

I read on here once from a poster on benefits that she thought "working was a privilege". To me, that's the privilege of someone who doesn't have to work, because the 57% of adults in Britain who pay tax mean that she doesn't have to.

But generally, Britain has become quite a grim country, with infrastructure that is standard in most of Northern Europe to make life better for everyone simply not present - e.g. good, comprehensive and affordable railways, good local bus services, cycle paths, footpaths (there isn't even a pavement where I live), etc..

Then, say if you do stretch to send your child to private school, for example, they inherently develop a set of expectations that mirror the lifestyle of their peers and regardless of how much parents say they won't be influenced by it, they are. So then you have to fork out for that too. Some will just be school based social events and school trips.

I don't think private school is worth the stretch. I think it would be better to use that money to buy somewhere swanky and send them to local state schools that are likely to be mostly people with similar values to yourself if it is really important to you.

I viewed a few local private schools but me and my older child's dad got a better feel at the state school. Might change that for secondary.

The thing is that many of these affluent types are in over their heads
They have two or three kids in private school, live in large houses in ‘desirable ‘ areas . They are trapped in the sense that they have to maintain this standard of living and so continue to work in very demanding jobs.
I have a friend who earns 200k a year and her husband runs a successful company .However, she lives in a three bedroomed semi in a less desirable area. Her children are at the local state schools.
When I asked her why , she said it was because if she or her husband wanted to cut down their hours or give up work for any reason, they would be able to do so as they don’t have the pressure of a big mortgage or hefty private school fees.
My friend is one of the most content people I know because she is not a slave to her job or money

And like most parents, you don't want to change schools if your kids are thriving there unless there is substantial advantage to doing so. It isn't just about changing to a state school, it's changing school at all.

I guess us, our colleagues, neighbours and our social circle would be considered affluent. I don't think any of us are miserable. So I can't really agree with this.

As much as I do think there are plenty of miserable people about, I don't think it's the norm or limited to affluent people if I'm honest. And back growing up when we were skint in council housing i can assure you I met a lot of miserable people who were struggling, not just financially but with crime, drugs the lot.

I earn a reasonable salary but in the southeast so housing is very costly. I have a job I enjoy, but I’m a single mum so constantly trying to balance work & home.

I can provide properly for ds and I’m happy, but have achieved that by not having a partner, which means I’m not expected to cook “man food” in the evening. I don’t have to find time for socialising, doing stuff together, etc. Something had to give so I’ve removed all that pressure.

Maybe I’ll find time for a relationship when I retire

The lifestyle is still a choice. You don't have to send your kids to private school. You don't have to have 2 cars. You don't have to eat out at expensive restaurants or have several holidays a year.

If the cheaper options seem awful then you have made your choice. At least you have a choice. With affluence comes options. You aren't really trapped in the same way as someone in poverty.

Having money doesn't equal happiness. But as several posters have pointed out, it does make a lot of problems easier to deal with.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/improve-mental-wellbeing/

I think these five ways to well-being are absolutely key. Most are difficult to achieve if you have money worries, so being "affluent" will help but unfortunately, people often use their money to do almost the exact opposite of what is recommended.

Of course if you spend more than you earn, you will always have money worries, no matter how affluent you appear to outsiders. I used to work in upper end banking. The "wealthiest" looking people are very often struggling to keep up the payment on all their debts. Those with real wealth often don't feel any need to show it to the world and will appear much poorer outwardly.

I think there's a Dickens quote, something along the lines of: Annual income £20, annual expenditure, nineteen pounds, nineteen and six, result happiness.Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery.

So it's nothing new.

@Bluntness100 - Of course, not all affluent people are miserable. It’s just that some people believe that having lots of money automatically makes you immune from misery which is not the case.

I'm a lot less affluent than I was but so much happier now as I'm with the right person. Work part time but we still have enough to have a lovely life.
There is too much pressure on careers /jobs and full time work. Everyone should have the option to drop a day/do part time after so many years.

I inherited a house. There's only two of us and the house is a three bedroom, with gardens back and front. The immediate neighbours have lived there for 25 years and the rest for around 10, all decent people.

Everyone i know was 'helpfully' telling me how i could remortgage and buy something bigger/better. Or saddle myself with another mortgage and rent one out.

They couldn't get their head round how i could be happy with 'just' a free house (and a bit of cash). The cash i was advised to use to put in a new bathroom/kitchen etc and not 'just' enjoy living stress free.

Luckily I've got wealthy relatives and have seen the misery that can go on behind closed doors. So I've never chased the next thing, without being happy with what I've got.

Wow having a free house is very lucky.

A side note as this covers the entire population so not what the thread is about but:

The statistics on anti-depressants use here in Scotland astonish me.

2017 / 2018 over 900,000 people prescribed at least one antiD. That is out of a total population of less than 5.5 million.

Agree with all the pp. I've been so much happier since going minimalist. After realising we were spending all of our joint £5500pm (after tax) take home pay with nothing tangible to show for it (no savings, renting, no quality time with the children) but a whole load of STUFF. Once I saw how much stuff we had and watched the Minimalist documentary, it started to stress me out and the stuff was a burden, and with each thing we have away/ got rid of, the lighter and happier we felt.

They're just trapped and as a society we have lost focus on what make us happy in search of the white picket fence, 4 bed, 2 bath house filled with expensive stuff we don't need or even use, that society tells us we should aspire to at any cost.

I feel like I am on a different planet to people on this thread. Free houses, high monthly earnings.