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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think an American/Canadian childhood seems nicer than a British one?

482 replies

WilsonandJackie · 16/08/2019 06:21

I know I probably am BU as stuff like this will always be a "grass is greener" situation and I can't judge a place based on a holiday (have just returned from 10 days visiting a friend and her husband who moved to Pennsylvania 9 years ago) but I really did notice some things while I was there that have me wondering. I know America has it's issues like the UK with poverty etc and is in an absolutely dire state at the moment politically but I was amazed at how different the children and teenagers over there's lives seem to be.

My friend's live in a suburban neighbourhood outside a big city. The neighbourhood kids (know I shouldn't judge it it over one neighbourhood I spent 10 days in but I live in a neighbourhood of a similar socioeconomic class in the UK which is nothing like this) seemed to be living such an idyllic childhood. Kids out playing on bikes on the roads, climbing trees, building dens, in and out of each others houses. I didn't think kids that age did that anymore, it was like a flashback to the 80s and it felt quite lovely. We're talking kids who are 12-14 years old. They seem on a completely different planet to kids in the UK of the same age. I'd see them riding their bikes to school each morning and they looked genuinely happy, in their own clothes rather than a depressing formal uniform (I hate uniforms with a passion, much prefer the system of a dress code). There were some kids who were smoking weed I admit, but it just looked a different apmostphere. They weren't in tracksuits standing outside a corner shop and intimidating people (yes I see this every day in the UK in my "naice" area, didn't see it once in the US), they just seemed to be laughing with their friends in their gardens.

My friends have 2 kids (girl 16 boy 14), they are completely Americanized and you'd have no idea they were born in Yorkshire. The DD drives now and has a job in a diner, so she earns her own wage. Her school finished in June and isn't back until September, so gets 3 months to let her hair down. While we were visiting her and her friends ended up renting a minivan and all drove to a spot 2 hours away (it's meant to be a sort of mountain range with outstanding natural beauty) to camp. Yes there was probably booze and maybe bud, I'm not oblivious, but the pictures seemed lovely. Gorgeous scenery, campfire etc. They all returned next morning and her friend gave her a lift to work on her way to her own shift. Her brother is very sporty and his friends were round a lot practising basketball in the back yard and then they jumped on their bikes to go to another house. Both kids and their friends seem so carefree and happy. In a way they seemed more independent than teens I'm used to, but also seemed to have had more of a childhood. The schools looked nicer, I know there's still bullying and badly behaved kids etc but none of the schools we droved past looked like the ones I'm used to. I'm used to crumbling concrete blocks that haven't had any money spent on them since 1973 and kids in grim uniforms walking in looking like clones of each other. Whenever I see kids walking to school at home they always look so bloody depressed. I think the middle school system is fab. Why are we chucking kids who may have only just turned 11 into a huge building with kids who may be nearing 17 and expecting them to get on with it? They go from being the oldest, the "big kids" in primary to suddenly being chucked into secondary with no transistion. No wonder they feel under so much pressure to grow up quickly. I'd have paid for my kids to do a middle school system. My 2 boys high school experience along with my own were horrendous. They were both under so much pressure by Year 9 and had no energy to do anything. For 2 years every other bloody word was "GCSE". Even in the holiday's they just wanted to rest. Only went out with friends to KFC or to doss in someone's living room and have a takeaway. Meanwhile my friend's DS at 14 still plays out and lives and breathes his basketball. DS's both insist a kid who was always playing football would have got bullied and teased in their school.

The UK just seems depressing, and my friend's have said the same. My friend's own words were "You couldn't pay me to take my kids back to the UK now. There's so many more oppurtunities for them over here and they are both so much happier than I remember being at their age. We are never coming back." I still love the UK, and would never move to the US because of stuff like Trump and the godawful healthcare system etc. But forgetting stuff like that and just thinking about the kind of apmostphere I'd want to raise DC in, I'd choose the US any day of the week. I've heard of many people who have gone to the US and Canada with kids and have stated that their kids are doing amazing there. My friends knew another family who emigrated to Canada and eventually the parents came back but the DC (late teens who had been there 5 years) downright refused.

OP posts:
MissConductUS · 19/08/2019 18:58

I think that Ghirardelli's milk chocolates are divine, but I'm less picky about those.

catofdoom · 19/08/2019 19:02

I think Maine is roughly the size of England. 

God you had fun @Owlbabie5 Next time you should do some of the quieter spots too.

whotheeff · 19/08/2019 19:03

@MissConductUS you're talking about deaths not number of mass shootings. The incidence of shootings is still highest in the USA.

Owlbabie5 · 19/08/2019 19:03

Dr just discovered that. We did South to North, East to West a whole diff ball game.😂

A kind of like it though, makes you feel free just driving through countryside for hours. Novelty is wearing off for the kids though.😂

MissConductUS · 19/08/2019 19:06

@whotheeff Your exact words were Mass shootings only happen in the USA.

I was just pointing out how ludicrous that statement was.

Owlbabie5 · 19/08/2019 19:07

Sea kayaking on the opposite side of MDI was sooo peaceful. We just sat in our kayaks near an eagle nest with eagles in and seals were bobbing up around us. Literally no sound at all other than birds.Was magic. Have seen just about every bit of wildlife we wanted to including 3 diff types of whale. Only thing we haven’t seen is moose or raccoon.

Just crossed into NH so keeping my eyes peeled.😂

whotheeff · 19/08/2019 19:12

@MissConductUS if you want to talk about death rate let's talk about the number of accidental deaths from shotguns kept legally in US households too.

There have been more than 250 mass shootings in the USA to date just this year - utter insanity for a developed country. The majority committed by legally obtained guns.

You're right I should have said 'only occur regularly/frequently in the USA'

drsausage · 19/08/2019 19:13

Sea kayaking on the opposite side of MDI was sooo peaceful. We just sat in our kayaks near an eagle nest with eagles in and seals were bobbing up around us. Literally no sound at all other than birds.Was magic. Have seen just about every bit of wildlife we wanted to including 3 diff types of whale. Only thing we haven’t seen is moose or raccoon.

Yep, we kayak fairly regularly - absolutely love it.

I haven't seen a moose in a few years now, but I turned onto our driveway the other night to see a whole family of raccoons, including several littlies, scarpering in all directions.

catofdoom · 19/08/2019 19:18

I think Maine is roughly the size of England. 

God you had fun @Owlbabie5 Next time you should do some of the quieter spots too.

Owlbabie5 · 19/08/2019 19:18

Oh wow how lovely. Dd is desperate to see one. We went whale watching in Provincetown and saw a mother and baby humpback, a minky and the other rare one. We loved sea kayaking, thinking it would slightly less tranquil and more choppy in the UK.Grin

catofdoom · 19/08/2019 19:19

A right whale???? They're really rare.

catofdoom · 19/08/2019 19:20

I've seen minke and humpback whales. And an ocean sunfish last year, that was incredible!

Jaxhog · 19/08/2019 19:22

Great! Until you need medical help. Then you'd better have bloody good insurance. Canada is ok but think about the guns in the US.

drsausage · 19/08/2019 19:26

I've had many many different insurance policies over the last 12 years - good, bad, indifferent, group, individual, Obamacare - and have yet to find something that they don't cover, other than IVF.

Owlbabie5 · 19/08/2019 19:27

No just looked it up, was a Fin the second largest species on earth. Think they are rarer than Humpback and Minke on the boat trip we went on.

You really are lucky. NH looks stunning too. Love the way you can drive as far as you want and experience such differing states and landscapes.

Owlbabie5 · 19/08/2019 19:31

I didn’t get IVF covered in the UK. Hernias aren’t now unless really bad and a lot of dermatology. Interestingly we’ve had to pay out for a lot privately recently as a family. I think it’s going to be a lot more like this now. We’re taking up our work private scheme in January.

MissConductUS · 19/08/2019 19:57

I've had many many different insurance policies over the last 12 years - good, bad, indifferent, group, individual, Obamacare - and have yet to find something that they don't cover, other than IVF.

The Affordable Care Act went a long way in setting minimum standards for medical insurance coverage. The real differences are in the size of the in network provider groups and the deductibles.

My GP recently retired and I've switched to an internist who is part of a large regional medical practice with over 200 doctors. Getting referred to a specialist or having tests done is incredibly easy as they all share one medical records and scheduling system.

Health care is rationed in both the UK and the US. In the US it's done with our bonkers private insurance and government insurance duopoly. In the UK it's rationed with waiting lists and NICE restrictions on what the NHS will pay for.

gwenneh · 19/08/2019 20:15

@drsausage that's a tough one. I live in a state where IVF is covered by mandate so it's pretty great, but on the other hand...

  • we have had one of the policies that was outlawed by the ACA. It didn't cover DH's broken ankle.
  • my parents' insurance cost them more than their mortgage every month.
  • this week, my wonderful insurance refused to cover insulin

Private insurance is a mixed bag at best and while I feel my quality of care is usually pretty wonderful, every so often little things happen that make me miss the NHS.

drsausage · 19/08/2019 20:31

We have had one of the policies that was outlawed by the ACA. It didn't cover DH's broken ankle.

You still have that policy? How do you manage that if it's been outlawed?

EatenByDinosaurs · 19/08/2019 20:31

Eatenbydinosaurs, I call bullshit on racism being worse here. The murder rates are higher among FN Canadians, but that is mostly down to domestic abuse (granted this is terrible, but it’s not like the non-First Nations is killing Indigenous people).

Grin Yep Ritascornershop do you not see how you "calling bullshit" perfectly illustrates one of the primary findings of the recent studies, that the majority of Canadians won't accept there's a problem, and they think they're doing a sound job of resolving things when all the studies and research show the exact opposite?

Now as I keep saying, no country is perfect, but criticising the US is a national pastime for some Canadians, and every time I hear such it brings the glasshouses and stones analogy to mind.

EatenByDinosaurs · 19/08/2019 20:32

Needless to say the grin icon was not supposed to be there. I find nothing amusing about people killing each other.

gwenneh · 19/08/2019 20:34

@drsausage have had, not currently have. That policy was what we had in place in early 2010 when DS was born. Didn't cover the slip and broken ankle, didn't cover DS's round of immunizations.

The policy we have now is fine, apart from the argument over insulin and glucose monitors I had with them today. I very much dislike that the doctor has to prescribe to the insurer's requirements, not what they feel is clinically best.

EatenByDinosaurs · 19/08/2019 20:35

@Owlbabie5 but have you tried the blackberry cobbler candy corn yet? Those are the absolute best Grin

MissConductUS · 19/08/2019 20:40

@gwenneh were they not covered because you hadn't met the deductible or were they just not covered at all? Even back in 2010 state insurance commissions had to approve the policies.

drsausage · 19/08/2019 20:42

That policy was what we had in place in early 2010 when DS was born. Didn't cover the slip and broken ankle, didn't cover DS's round of immunizations

Ah yes, pre-ACA. It's good those policies can't be sold any more.

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