To think you should at least try and look presentable at work?

[92AP]

For context, I work for a very large company in a building that does a lot of different 'back office' functions. We have recently moved buildings so I now work on a new floor which we share with two other teams. I have seen the individual in question around the old place but now see her every day as we work on teams next to eachother.

Our office dress code is smart casual. Most wear nice jeans and tops/jumpers or floaty dresses. Everyone adhears to this as its not very strict and as long as we look decent then theres not an issue.

The woman in question comes to work every day in scruffy leggings and baggy tshirts that are visably dirty. Her hair long is alway greasy and matted beyond belief, honestly mine looks better when I have just woken up after a night of heavy drinking. It is so matted in places some days it looks as though its been back combed and then twisted up. It is also dyed pink on the ends, which does not bother me at all, but surely shows some kind of hair care takes place at some point to upkeep this?

I understand some people may have disabilities that mean they cannot look after themselves as much as others, but surely if you are capable of doing an admin job in an office, you are capable of at least brushing your hair?

AIBU to think if you are coming to work you should at least make a small effort to look like you care about yourself/your job?

She might be suffering with depression .. not washing is one the signs. You could befriend her and ask about her life etc.

not washing is one of the signs

Yanbu

Leave her alone. You have no idea what’s going on at home.

Being able to function in an admin job is no sign that you can look after your mental and physical health.

Yanbu on the face of it but as a pp said, you never know whats going on.

Does it affect you? If so tell her Line manager. If not, leave her to it.

I did think that myself so you may be right. She has plently of aqquintences at work from what I have seen, always has someone to sit with at lunch etc.

Work are massive on mental health at the min too (rightly so) so i'm sure managers are asking those questions to her and ensuring she is ok. We also have great sickness pay, so if she was in a place where she was so depressed she has stopped caring for herself then it is unlikely she would feel forced to come to work in a bad way. Maybe work takes her mind off it if thats the case though I suppose.

It is just so striking when everyone around us is pretty well put together and she comes in like that.

Why do you mind?

Is she natural dreadlocking her hair? Might be intentional!

I work in a large "top 100" company and it's pretty casual, the CEO wears flip flops, I often wear leggings.

There's probably a bit more to it. Does she have oh MH is she is good home with access to bathroom washing machine etc? She could be sofa surfing for example.
If all that's been ruled out then id agree that people do need to make a bit of an effort for work, I do. However, when I was depressed I have to admit my standards did slip. Thankfully I was a sahm mum at the time so prob not too noticeable to outside world. Don't judge. Offer support.

How does this effect you OP?

I have worked in scientific research for many years- no dress code at all except those for safety reasons- so the "grunge" look seemed to be standard attire.

She is definitely not making dreds in her hair, half is straight down and the other half is in big matted knots.

Its also not the leggings as such that I find odd, its more that they are clearly stained and stretched out, so unwashed.

I get mh issues are different for everyone, I suffer with a&d myself but even on my worst days if I can get up and out of bed and have the mental strength to go to work then running a brush through my hair is not hard.

I guess it bothers me because everyone else makes enough of an effort to look half decent, so why should this one woman not feel the need to at least brush her hair? If I came to work as she does my manager would have me straight in an office asking if all was ok.

I dunno, maybe im just being too judgey but it just doesn't make sense to me that someone can have the mental or physical ability to come to work and do their job but not the same energy to simply brush their hair?

Unless she offensively smells or is not competent in her job then I see no issue

are you worried about her?
or just being judgmental?
it seems like the latter

I am sure you are not the only one to have noticed, including her line manager, who no doubt has this in hand

She doesn't smell, she has work friends and she does her job. No one turns up with unintentional dreadlocked hair and dirty clothes for fun. She clearly has something going on but is doing the best she can.

I think perhaps your discomfort at being confronted with a woman who rejects grooming norms is perhaps saying more about your problems than hers.
I don’t mean to sound nasty, but the level of energy and thought you are devoting to this seems disproportionate. It’s ok to not care how you look. It really is. No one will die.

Ah well, guess im a bitch then.

If one person on a floor of 200 people can come to work with knots the size of grapefruits in her hair and stained, unwashed clothes when the other 199 people can make at least an effort to put on clean looking clothes and brush their hair, and I find that odd makes me an awful judgey bitch then thats what I have to accept I am.

You clearly aren't this woman's direct line manager so keep your nose out

You have absolutely no idea what she is carrying around with her or what is going on in her life.

How about you trying to be less shallow and judgmental?

How old is she?

Maybe she’s depressed, I know when I’m going into a depression I don’t shower for 3/4 days at a time. Gross I know but I can’t help it.

Just put it out of your mind. You have paused to ponder, found no answers and now you can forget it. It has no impact on you anyway.