To think you should at least try and look presentable at work?

[92AP]

For context, I work for a very large company in a building that does a lot of different 'back office' functions. We have recently moved buildings so I now work on a new floor which we share with two other teams. I have seen the individual in question around the old place but now see her every day as we work on teams next to eachother.

Our office dress code is smart casual. Most wear nice jeans and tops/jumpers or floaty dresses. Everyone adhears to this as its not very strict and as long as we look decent then theres not an issue.

The woman in question comes to work every day in scruffy leggings and baggy tshirts that are visably dirty. Her hair long is alway greasy and matted beyond belief, honestly mine looks better when I have just woken up after a night of heavy drinking. It is so matted in places some days it looks as though its been back combed and then twisted up. It is also dyed pink on the ends, which does not bother me at all, but surely shows some kind of hair care takes place at some point to upkeep this?

I understand some people may have disabilities that mean they cannot look after themselves as much as others, but surely if you are capable of doing an admin job in an office, you are capable of at least brushing your hair?

AIBU to think if you are coming to work you should at least make a small effort to look like you care about yourself/your job?

That would irritate me too, as it gives the whole department a bad impression. And it's disrespectful to colleagues.

I would speak to your line manager so she can have a word. It's possible the lady may be self neglecting due to mental health issues but also possible she is just clueless about what smart-casual means, or lazy.

Is she very young? I'm always amazed by how some of my students and interns interpret 'smart casual'. I've had them turn up in ripped jeans, mini dresses and bare legs, off the shoulder tops and strappy vests with bra straps on display. I have to explain smart casual means smart jeans or tailored trousers, a shirt or clean tee, or a dress/skirt (with leggings or tights if it sits above the knee!)

That didn't quite go as you hoped, did it OP?

I wear leggings to work and baggy tops as I am losing weight and in between sizes. It never occurred to me that this would be an issue with anyone! I think you should leave her alone. You are coming across really bitchy.

People can have all sorts of terrible things going on in their personal lives, I understand that. I don't have a perfect life myself, quite the opposite, but even at my lowest if I have to go to work, I make a small effort to look at least a little bit put together. I find it incredibly hard to believe that everyone slagging me off here would not find it strange if they went to work and one person looked consistently dishevlled when everyone else looks semi put together in the least.

swingofthings shes in her early to mid twenties I would guess. Im in my late twenties and she looks a few years younger than me.

Just because at your lowest you manage to look put together for work, doesn't mean she can. Everyone is different.

So it would be fine if there were 2 people out of 100 dressing like her? Or 3? What's the minimum number that would make it ok? You're insisting that she should "make an effort" because you make an effort. What if it's not important to her? What if she puts her efforts elsewhere? Somewhere more meaningful than personal appearance?

Ounce, I hadn't hoped for it to go any way. Thats the point of this thread isn't it? To get others opinions on if you are right or not?

If i'm being a bitch then I am happy to be told so, I'm not precious about what strangers on the internet think of me. Thats the entire reason I asked.

Maybe I am just sheltered and have been all my life from other peoples concept of acceptable efforts of personal hygeine or work attire. Everyone I know and have ever worked with has found the time or energy to look like they at least slightly care about their apperance at work. If this is not always the case then I am happy for my ideas to be challenged.

There are enough people in the world policing women’s personal appearance without you joining them. Concentrate on your work and on being the best you can be at it. You might get promoted, you never know. This stuffs a waste of energy.

I am leaning in this direction. Not as much as your colleague but I am the odd one out at my work in that although I'm clean, I'm overweight, my hair is scraped back, I wear the bare minimum of makeup, my collar is usually creased etc etc.
My appearance is the last thing on a very long list. I used to care, now I obviously don't care enough to do much about it.
I have anxiety and depression.
Everything else gets done, it hasn't been an issue with appraisals or promotion.
I'd like to change it but unless she stinks or is truly covered in food stains or something, I think try to move past it.

If I came to work as she does my manager would have me straight in an office asking if all was ok.

How do you know they haven’t?

Unless it affects you ie she smells and it drifts over then it’s none of your concern. It’s up to her line manager to address.

I think basic cleanliness and grooming is a pre-requisite. I have a dd who has had mh problems and I get that self care is a problem but it isn't such a challenge if other people are looking after you and care.

Re the hair, dd's was inclined to mat and was hard to manage if she missed a day and then another because of the first iyswim. But at 16/17 I was there to gently help detangle with a wide comb and a detangle spray to help her on the straight and narrow.

Perhaps this young woman iscstruggling more than you know. DD not so loved I can see being that person; me, in my late 20s I'd have thought like you. Every day's a school day OP. Be kind.

Maybe it's a choice between lying in bed all day or trying to be productive at the cost of her personal appearance.

You've doubled down like three times now. At what point are you going to accept that YABU?

It sounds like she is not adhering to the uniform policy so YANBU for that to annoy you, it’s pretty common for most contracts to state ‘clean, smart casual appearance’ but this is for her manager to approach

You could talk to her op, perhaps she will tell you what is going on.

If I turned up to work in consistently dirty clothes I’m fairly sure I’d get pulled aside and reminded about the dress code. It makes me wonder if there are some underlying problems and they’re not worrying too much about her clothes

I also don’t think you were trying to be nasty OP but you’ve given such a specific description it’s perfectly possible that the person could read this thread (or people that know her) and identify herself which I can only imagine would be awful for her

Regarding hair, I imagine my colleagues often think my hair looks greasy at work.

I’m cursed with hair that gets greasy if it hasn’t been washed in the last 24 hours. Pre-dc, I simply washed it everyday. But with small dc I just don’t have time anymore, and have to make do with washing every other day.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all to observe this OP. I think it’s part of the deal to turn up to work with a basic level of grooming which means clean clothes and washed hair. It’s not always pleasant to work with people who opt out of this and it does have an impact on peoples views of a department/company both internally and externally.

As others have observed there may be issues in this persons life which are the cause of how she appears and I hope she is receiving support.

OP some people find it hard to “seek help” with depression, especially when so often “seeking help” involves waiting weeks for an appointment, then having a GP mutter vaguely sympathetic things at you while they add you to the months-long waiting list for a few weeks of talking therapy.

She may be so deep in depression the simple act of recognising that she needs help is beyond her.

Some days it’s all I can do to drag myself out of bed and into work, let alone perform basic grooming standards. It’s not as simple as “if she can come to work she should be able to do XYZ”.

The pressure for some people to keep going into work is immense, so it’s really not as simple as “why doesn’t she just go off sick if she was REALLY that bad?”

It sounds like you’re saying that no matter what is going on with her there is no excuse and she just pull herself together and make more of an effort for work because that’s what you would do.
That’s why you sound judgemental and pretty unkind.

I think people have been intentionally offended here.

OP is not complaining about the wearing of leggings and t shirts, which some states they wear to work, but about the lack of grooming and stained dirty clothes.

I would expect my co workers to have some hygiene standards, I take care to look clean at work.

It’s not a question of being offended. It’s a question of whether this level of preoccupation with something not terribly important is reasonable and appropriate. I think it’s not and the op would be doing herself a favour by accepting that, for whatever reason, appearance is not as important to this person as it is to her.and that’s ok. No biggie.

So you manage to perform selfcare in the morning despite having mental health difficulties. Good for you.

When my medications kick in to try and knock my immune system off its intended course of action of Disabling or Killing Me (when I'm actually not collapsed on the floor or unable to hold a fucking hairbrush or put socks on, that is), I can just about manage to wake up just in time to get to work.

Sometimes I even manage to put on clothes that are clean - but only if I can do up the fastenings. I've just thrown away the single pair of trainers that didn't hurt my feet and provided support after nine years as they fell apart - I've spent probably thousands on shoes in that time but not one pair could replace them. I'd have loved a supportive work place where I could wear whatever was comfortable and available, rather than have to worry about some snotty bitch in the corner complaining that I was breaching dress code by not wearing polishable shoes and a suit.

Some people with physical disabilities manage to not be utter arseholes about colleagues who they have absolutely no authority over. Surely, if they/I can manage it, what's failing in your life that you can't?

In any case, if she has a protected characteristic, you saying you have it too doesn't protect you from being hauled up for disability discrimination, which is what you are doing.

Just stop trying to be the office bitch and fashion police combined.

Christ, vertically, I never said I am perfect! I wear a tiny bit of make up (just concealer and mascarra) and most days just put my hair in a messy bun or ponytail to keep it out of the way. I am by no means prim and proper but I do adhear to the dress code.

We get great support through work for all illnesses, mental and physical. If this woman is struggling then she will be getting assistance from our employers as we all get private occupational healthcare as part of our wage bonuses.

If I am unreasonable for thinking its not too hard when you have the support we do to come into work in unstained clothes with brushed hair then so be it. Thank you for all your input guys, I will try and be less judgemental in future.