To think you should at least try and look presentable at work?

[92AP]

For context, I work for a very large company in a building that does a lot of different 'back office' functions. We have recently moved buildings so I now work on a new floor which we share with two other teams. I have seen the individual in question around the old place but now see her every day as we work on teams next to eachother.

Our office dress code is smart casual. Most wear nice jeans and tops/jumpers or floaty dresses. Everyone adhears to this as its not very strict and as long as we look decent then theres not an issue.

The woman in question comes to work every day in scruffy leggings and baggy tshirts that are visably dirty. Her hair long is alway greasy and matted beyond belief, honestly mine looks better when I have just woken up after a night of heavy drinking. It is so matted in places some days it looks as though its been back combed and then twisted up. It is also dyed pink on the ends, which does not bother me at all, but surely shows some kind of hair care takes place at some point to upkeep this?

I understand some people may have disabilities that mean they cannot look after themselves as much as others, but surely if you are capable of doing an admin job in an office, you are capable of at least brushing your hair?

AIBU to think if you are coming to work you should at least make a small effort to look like you care about yourself/your job?

I teach in a college and a colleague of mine had to be pulled in to discuss her personal hygiene last year. A few students had complained about the stench and tbh, it was unbearable as the day went on. I really like her and get along with her but the smell is hard to handle on a warm day.

She had absolutely no idea she smelt, she didn’t understand why because she showered every morning. She did look otherwise fairly smart, just smelt pretty bad and students didn’t want her leaning over them anymore- understandable.

You do have to accept personal responsibility sometimes and understand that at work, most places expect you to be smart. I worked in hipster type bars as a student and that was a major exception to the rule though .

Firstly, if you're not her line manager it's not really your business to decide whether she's conforming to the dress code. Providing she and her clothes don't smell, her appearance isn't affecting you.

I agree with some other posters that she may have a mental health condition of some kind that causes her to struggle with her appearance. It might not necessarily be depression (although it could be, of course) but there are a multitude of conditions that might affect her ability in this regard. For example, just as some people have forms of OCD that make them obsessed with performing grooming or hygiene rituals, some people have OCD that make them obsessed with avoiding them - my hairdresser recently had to give a young woman a number three buzz cut all over because she'd essentially developed a fear of brushing it and had huge, matted knots at the roots.

It's also just perfectly possible that she simply doesn't have much self-awareness about her appearance or social norms, or has consciously decided to reject them. Again, it's not affecting you really, so while I agree it's certainly unusual, I don't think you have any grounds for complaint.

I agree with OP that people should look presentable at work. If the office dress code is smart casual then that's what everyone there should be wearing.

If I came to work in scruffy T-shirt's and leggings my manager would be having a word as it's not appropriate in the environment. We are expected to wear smart casual.

I wonder whether she manages to scrub up for nights out etc? If so, I'd probably judge too. If you can make the effort at weekends you can for work too. But she may have young kids at home or MH issues as others have said, in which case I'd be sympathetic.

How does this effect you in any way?

If she looks scruffy it's her problem.

@92AP you're not being a bitch. I work in an office and if one of my colleagues came in to work looking a fucking state I'd be thinking the same thing! I think it's actually pretty poor to rock up to work looking like shit. You wouldn't attend a job interview looking like it so why would you attend your job looking like it?
Regardless of what's going on at home, how tired I am, if I've been unwell etc I always try my best to at least chuck a bit of mascara on, put my hair in a neat bun & wear clean & ironed clothes.
But that's just judgey bitchy me 🤷🏻‍♀️ we're clearly in the minority

You're not being bitchy.

If it's the rules to come to work presentable then that's what you must do.

If you can't for whatever reason then HR need to step in and give support. If HR haven't then that's wrong.

It's not one rule for one and not another.

So it's not acceptable but HR or her manager should be giving her the right support as it's obviously needed.

MN is hilarious. You'd all raise an eyebrow at the very least at this in real life and you know it.

If there is a dress code, that should apply to all employees. It really is that simple.

No one here knows anything at all about the person’s mental health yet many are jumping in to suggest that is the reason. You do realise how ludicrous that is?

I was taking my DC out of the car at the childminders yesterday when I realised I was covered in stains.

I had been on the loo when my toddler came running over in tears for a hug as she hurt herself. Her mouth was covered in toothpaste but I hadn't noticed she'd smeared it all over me as I was trying to get off the toilet quick to comfort her.

My hair also looked slick with grease. I had washed it the night before but my hair is so incredibly fine and oily that it looks horrendous unless washed on the day. I also had a hole in the side of my vest top, this had been wearing away for ages due to over use and over washing. I have very few clothes that fit since I gained weight after DD2s birth and have no money to replace them at the minute although to the outside world we appear quite well off. Plus we live rurally so the nearest city is an hour away and I would find it very difficult to find the time.

Suffice to say I was a scruffy mess and I often look this way recently. I used to be fastidious about appearance but I just can't make it a priority at this stage in my life.

I know two other women who have always been somewhat unkempt. One is so busy looking after her four children, elderly parents, feeding her next door neighbor and working as a carer that she doesn't prioritize herself and the other woman's mother left her when she was a toddler and her lovely, but very masculine and old fashioned, father raised her so she simply hasn't got a clue about fashion/makeup and even when she tries she looks very scruffy. Both women are so lovely and such hard workers it's sad to think they are judged as "less" because of their appearance. It's not always black and white OP!

You should come to my office OP. People walk around in slippers. I saw someone in dungarees in the canteen this morning. I'm wearing leggings and birkenstocks today.

You are being very judgey, unless she smells and it is affecting you then its none of your business. If her team/ manager arent bothered why should you be.

You'd all raise an eyebrow at the very least at this in real life and you know it.

Some people genuinely are a lot kinder than you or the OP. Very sad that you think we're all like you.

I agree with you, OP, she should stick to the dress code. However it's not your business, it's up to her manager to deal with.
You're affronted because a woman dares to reject societal expectations of female appearance
Absolute bollocks. Expecting some one to adhere to an office dress code is not a feminist issue, as long as the dress code is applied fairly and equally to both sexes.

I dunno, maybe im just being too judgey

No maybe about it.

Just get on with your own job and stop policing what everyone else wears.

If someone isn't dressing as per the dress code of the company then I would expect their line manager to have a quiet, kind word with them.

It wouldnt be allowed where I work (fast food).

Until recently, people got sent home for being unshaven so matted hair and dirty uniform just wouldn't be allowed.

Sounds like she needs a friend right now.

a woman dares to reject societal expectations of female appearance.

Twaddle (and ditto to the PP who called it "a woman rejecting grooming norms")

We're meant to have grooming norms, even if it's as basic as wash yourself and don't wear mucky clothes. And this company also has its own norms in terms of a smart casual rule.

And if you don't follow those norms, you should be judged for it. Some people here think judging others is the worst thing in the world. We're supposed to make judgements.

I might raise an eyebrow, thistle. Would I devote the amount of head space to it that the op is? No.

How dare you !!!

How have you offered this lady support??

Why do you care? Sounds like she might have MH issue to me...

I take a pride in my appearance always in dresses etc. Last year my husband died and I brought two hoodies. I’ve pretty much wore these for most of the year out of work (which is not at all like me). Why? Because I don’t give a shit what I look like anymore. Even at work
I’m not as polished. Not one is looking at what I look like they are looking to see if I can do the job. If your company has no issue with how she appears I don’t see why you do.

YANBU OP, and cue the predictable criticism of you and cries of "she must be depressed". At least you have noticed and are concerned. I don't think there are many workplaces where this would be permitted, depression or not, because an employee has to be competent to do the job and that includes representing the company alongside the common law duties of respect for fellow employees.

You're affronted because a woman dares to reject societal expectations of female appearance

She's wearing dirty, stained clothes. The same judgement would apply to men too.

@AnAC12UCOinanOCG it's not an appropriate way to dress at work. I'm a kind person. Those two things are not mutually exclusive.