To think you should at least try and look presentable at work?

[92AP]

For context, I work for a very large company in a building that does a lot of different 'back office' functions. We have recently moved buildings so I now work on a new floor which we share with two other teams. I have seen the individual in question around the old place but now see her every day as we work on teams next to eachother.

Our office dress code is smart casual. Most wear nice jeans and tops/jumpers or floaty dresses. Everyone adhears to this as its not very strict and as long as we look decent then theres not an issue.

The woman in question comes to work every day in scruffy leggings and baggy tshirts that are visably dirty. Her hair long is alway greasy and matted beyond belief, honestly mine looks better when I have just woken up after a night of heavy drinking. It is so matted in places some days it looks as though its been back combed and then twisted up. It is also dyed pink on the ends, which does not bother me at all, but surely shows some kind of hair care takes place at some point to upkeep this?

I understand some people may have disabilities that mean they cannot look after themselves as much as others, but surely if you are capable of doing an admin job in an office, you are capable of at least brushing your hair?

AIBU to think if you are coming to work you should at least make a small effort to look like you care about yourself/your job?

Up until recently I would have agreed with you but now I have a baby and I’m back at work I can completely understand how someone can let their personal grooming slip and struggle to make the effort.
If you’re genuinely worried about her mental health then you could say something to her manager?

I work with someone like this. Dirty clothes, rotting teeth, greasy hair etc.
She's a lovely person, a great colleague and extremely capable but has MH issues, caused by work no less. Her appearance definitely declined with her mental health.
There's a restructure going on and I've been helping her apply for new jobs and giving her pep talks to build her up and support. However despite being very capable I suspect she'll be rejected because of her appearance. It's shallow and wrong, sadly the way the world works.

OP if you are concerned, don't go straight to her manager, why not get to know her first? That's not a criticism of you but as others have said, you don't know what's going on.

Ah leave her alone.

She doesn’t smell. Her work is fine. What do you care if someone is messy?

Come off it, OP. You wanted us to all join in with your sneering at some fat lazy cow who's letting the side down.

And she might not strictly 'adhear ' to the dress code, but I bet she can spell it, unlike you.

She may well not be at all depressed or have MH issues, perhaps she just thinks there is more to life than appearance!

Please stop judging her.

I'm trying very hard not to judge you for your poor spelling.

In every office job there has always been one woman who judges others on their appearance.

In a previous role I was knocked for being overweight. In my current role there is another colleague who thinks nothing of looking everyone up and down and focusing on looks with comments.

I feel sorry for this woman if she is being judged because there could be issues you don't know about and it just feels mean.

(that should say in every office job I've ever had!)

I don't see the problem in stating it might be nice for people to make a bit of an effort. You walk down the highstreet these days and people just look tatty and scruffy. No effort at all. And there's nothing wrong with it per se it just is a bit..I dunno..sad?
People used to really make an effort and it seems to be dwindling these days.

At an old workplace of mine a guy used to come in wearing joggers and jumpers with holes in. I worked with him closely there was nothing wrong with him but he was a very lazy person. This was a professional setting in oil and gas. An email came out to everyone (but clearly intended for him)to say please adhere to dress code, take pride in yourself and be smart etc.
Well! He was the first to comment that he thought we were all smart and nothing wrong with the way we dressed! Yeh...we were all fine, its YOU that's a scruffy mess.

I shower daily before work, but I'm dressed like a bag lady with hair that looks like a big brush on speed and a make up free face.
I don't give a flying one what my colleagues think.
You're being nasty about something that isn't any of your business OP.

You need to acquaint yourself with a dictionary too.

@HandsOffMyRights but showing that you care about yourself, make an effort and dress professionally does make a difference in the workplace. If I was to promote someone and there's 2 candidates in the running both performing as well as each other but one doesn't make an effort on their presentation, id be promoting the one that does. Actually, on some interview papers you can give people a score based on their presentation... so its not irrelevant

Yes YABU.

Please stop holding up your experience of MH issues as the standard everyone should meet. Do you really think that in an ideal world this woman wants to present herself to the world in a way it means she has spiteful people sniggering behind her back? I’m surprised that, as someone proclaiming MH issues, you haven’t got more perspective and empathy. No one knows what’s going on in someone else’s head.

Just because support is available doesn’t mean she’s in a place where she feels she can use it.

If you’re actually concerned and not just gossiping then discreetly speak to her line manager and see if they will delicately approach The issue and encourage her to utilise the support they can offer.

Never said she was fat (shes not) or lazy. If you would all be happy to work with someone who does not stick to the dress code or even brush her hair and not think one tiny negative thought at all then you are all better people than me.

OP your last post is dripping with distain - like she should just pull her socks up and try harder. So there is a lot of support available? It’s not a magic wand to wave that makes everything better immediately!

Maybe the support she’s getting is Slowly working, but it’s that it’s enabled her to get out of bed and come to work. Or maybe she’s still so bad she can’t yet engage with the support available?

I like your little dig about you ‘only’ wearing concealer and mascara - like that’s the bare minimum of acceptability. You’d be horrified by me, OP, I never wear any make up at all! Funnily enough, it has absolutely fuck all to do with my ability to do my job.

It’s about adherence to a dress code though, isn’t it.
Somebody is breaking the rules and 😱 not conforming!
I think there are a few people on here who are scared of deviating from the norm, and it shocks them to be around people who for whatever reason aren’t sticking to the norm.

You keep saying what you think she should be capable of based on what you could do. Not everyone is the same and not everything is the same for people. Maybe you could brush your hair if you managed to get to work with severe MH issues, but maybe she can't. You would feel comfortable asking your employer for support but maybe she doesn't, and maybe with good reason. My employer has excellent employee support, but I've not told them about my MH issues because some people would judge me for them.

@92AP

I don’t think you’re unreasonable to internally wonder what’s going on, or to note the disparity.

I think you are being massively unreasonable to come and post quite an identifiable description of the scenario and the woman on a public forum.

^ yep.

There’s a massive difference between raising a bit of an eyebrow internally and posting a bitchy message on a public forum.

@TheSheepofWallSt there's 66 million people in the UK.. I'm sure more than one has pink matter hair..

I wouldn’t tolerate someone looking like that but we have a tight dress code. I think that makes it easier in many ways.
If there is no requirement about how you dress (smart casual wouldn’t usually mean jeans in my world) then there’s not much to worry about and it’s for her manager to say something, if necessary.

She could have an ongoing MH issue, it’s true.

She may have a superb grasp of spelling and grammar which aids her job that many others lack.

All sorts of possibilities.

When I started work in my late teens in an office, there was someone like this, she was also one of the new starts. The rest of us used to talk about her the way you are talking about this person and how 'wrong' it was of her to be like that. It is one of a few events from my younger life that, 20 years later and hopefully wiser and more empathetic, still makes me shudder with shame at how judgemental I was.

Leave her be OP, it's none of your business. Who knows whats going on at home or in her life but that's for her line manager and HR to deal with. Focus on your job and your life.

Well I'd prefer an employee who knows the basic rules of spelling and grammar than one who looks immaculate and wears makeup every day.

Ability to do the job trumps appearance, and as OP says, it's back office, so presumably no client contact is required.

I’ve been reading/contributing to this thread on my way to work and now i’ve Got the giggles - just arrived and noticed a jam stain on my jeans

At a company I know there was a similar situation and people talking about this one lad. Somehow a colleague and his line manager contrived a visit to his house to see if all ok and were appalled at what they found e.g. broken bed, hoarder style set up etc. The line manager (huge burly chap) approached the boss and explained and was in tears at what he'd seen. The line manager and two colleagues then spent a weekend helping him clear the rubbish, replace his bed etc. The boss paid for the new things. He was so happy that someone cared enough to help him, has kept things together and is a wonderful asset to the company. That is somewhere I'd like to work.