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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do I book this operation or is it a vanity based disgraceful waste of money?

118 replies

MostTacticalNameChange · 15/08/2019 22:42

For background: I'm a single parent. XH is very supportive with money and flexible custody. I work full time in a secure (as possible) civil service job. I have about £850pcm to spend after rent (a secure HA contract), after school club and bills (not including car/food which comes to around £300 depending on the month).

I have always yo-yoed with my weight (between 10 and 19 stone)and I had a huge baby and un-elastic skin. I have a huge 'apron' of loose skin. It flaps and is obvious under clothes. I hate it and I think about it all the time. This is not just a tiny pouch: I can literally lift and bunch it to the side and see how I could look.

I had a free consultation and was quoted £10k for removal with lipo and 3 years aftercare (I know you can do it cheaper abroad but no).

I have excellent credit and a regular income so can borrow. Some offers I've looked at are £4k at 0% for 30 months, £10k for 4 years at £250pcm, £10k over 12 months 0%.

Basically I mean I can affordably loan this money over a short ish term and it would improve my physical ability and confidence 100 fold.

However, I could die or be disfigured with this surgery ruining my son's life. Or, more likely I'll just be funneling all my spare money for the next few years into a "vanity project" when I should be spending it on my son: holidays, significant presents, school funds etc.

AIBU to get the surgery?

OP posts:

Thehop · 15/08/2019 22:44

YANBU at all, if you can afford it! Surely your confidence and mental health will posit affect him? You’ll swim, play, be happier?

NCpreggo · 15/08/2019 22:47

Could you start saving (rather than get loans/debt for it) and see where you are in two or three years? How you feel then, how you are financially etc?

Agree with what you say about what happens to your son if surgery goes wrong though, that would be a deal breaker for me.

TanMateix · 15/08/2019 22:50

I’m not sure, there are a lot of risks I am no longer prepared to take since I am the main carer of my son. £10,000 would go a long way in terms of things I could afford to do with him, I feel that by spending such amount of money in something that can be disguised by choosing the right clothes (check CMB for s style consultation) I would be stoping DS and I to do quite a bit of things together.

Balladenny · 15/08/2019 22:51

I would save for the next few years rather than get into debt.

FrogFairy · 15/08/2019 22:51

I have an apron and if I could I would have it removed. I hate it. I promised myself I would have a tummy tuck when I lost weight, but have never lost the weight and have others things I need to spend my money on.

I researched it a few years ago and I planned to with CC Kat who is based in Birmingham. Her work is excellent and last time I looked several thousand cheaper than your quote.

Engoltheharpy · 15/08/2019 22:53

It's not the money which would concern me it's the risks. There's a blogger on Instagram, sorry I don't recall the user name but she lost a lot of weight and eventually had the reduction. She hasn't got the results she wanted and recover took quiet some time.

Couchpotato3 · 15/08/2019 22:54

"I have always yo-yoed with my weight" - this is what would make me pause. There's a risk you could have the surgery, pile the weight back on and end up worse off. Why not wait, see if you can stabilise your weight while you save up and only have the surgery when you have found a way to maintain a healthy weight. That way your son will be older, you will have the cash, and you are more likely to have a good result.

pinkstripeycat · 15/08/2019 22:57

I would never have surgery purely for the reason it is too risky to put myself in danger when I have children to think of. If it was safe and I had the money I’d have an eyelid lift and double chin removed

tensmum1964 · 15/08/2019 22:58

In some areas you can get ìt done on the NHS. Some might feel.that this is a waste of resources but for a lot of people the affects on their self esteem and mental health can be devastating. Its worth a shot asking your GP for a referral.

TheBookThief · 15/08/2019 23:06

Have you considered spending a lot less money on some form of therapy to boost your self confidence and self esteem so it doesn't bother you any more?
I say this as someone who also has an apron after weight loss, and while of course I'd rather it wasn't there, its not something I would have surgery for (mainly due to the risks but also the £) and so I now see it as an indication of my achievement in losing all that weight. I cant change it but I can change how I feel about it.

TrueFriendsStabYouInTheFront · 15/08/2019 23:11

Personally I would. The risks are small in the grand scheme of things, seriously. Why be miserable and so down about yourself when you don't have to be? Life is short and you should be happy. You can ask the surgeon you choose to give you references and photos of their work to give you peace of mind.

Bloomburger · 15/08/2019 23:22

I had mine removed 4 months ago and am really confused as to why you need 3 years of aftercare?

madcatladyforever · 15/08/2019 23:26

If you can afford it do it. It will change your life. I'm saving up for one too. Sounds a bit pricy though. A top surgeon at the McIndoe unit which is the countries leading plastic surgery hospital in East Grinstead only charges 6k so I'd look at that.

Thequaffle · 15/08/2019 23:33

YANBU. I have had loose skin surgery after losing a lot of weight and it has changed my life. If you make sure you don’t smoke or drink in the run up and after the surgery and you have a healthy diet and exercise a lot you should be in the best position to bounce back fast.

Pipandmum · 15/08/2019 23:33

I’d get a second opinion and make sure you research your doctor well.

Original poster

MostTacticalNameChange · 15/08/2019 23:39

The three years aftercare is part of the deal and the thing that tempts me away from getting it done abroad. You shouldn't need it, but it's there and it's a guarantee.

Thank you everyone for your replies.

It's honestly not really a psychological thing, it's physical...I'll post a photo I'm 11 stone .

OP posts:

Original poster

MostTacticalNameChange · 15/08/2019 23:40

I hate it

OP posts:

Thesuzle · 15/08/2019 23:44

Surely you get a consultation first where your health is accessed and suitability for surgery double checked, Before you get the loan ?
That aside I would do it myself, having an apron because of weight loss or cesareans etc is still an apron and if it bothers you then sort it out,
Good luck and all the best

Original poster

MostTacticalNameChange · 15/08/2019 23:49

I have been approved for surgery. My bmi and blood tests are compatible with this kind of surgery.

I just don't know if I should put this money directly towards my son.

Or if having a happy non-self loathing mum is worth more. And will make me more confident going for promotions etc.

I don't know.

OP posts:

Bloomburger · 15/08/2019 23:50

Yes you shouldn't need it, so why are you going to pay for it.
I think mine was about 7-8k, I have very little swelling (can take up to 18 months to fully settle down) the scar is starting to turn light pink and I'm doing everything I did before the op (I'm a fitness professional so lots of exercise on a daily basis).

Have they said they are putting drains in or are they doing a Brazilian tummy tuck?

Butterfly02 · 15/08/2019 23:52

I had surgery, I'm also a sp, it was necessary surgery but it left me disabled - don't take any surgery lightly it may improve your life it may devastate it. If there's another way to improve MH, live with it I'd look into that first.

CatPunsFreakMeowt · 15/08/2019 23:54

Or if having a happy non-self loathing mum is worth more. And will make me more confident going for promotions etc.

This is worth more than spending £10k on other luxuries like fancy holidays. You are worth it - your happiness is really important.

Fizzpopwhizzbang · 16/08/2019 00:16

Get the surgery. I would absolutely do it if I was in your situation. We beat ourselves up so much about these kinds of things once we become mothers.

It's not something that is going to get better without the surgery, and it's making you unhappy.

We plan to have more children and I have actually said to my DH already that if end up with lots of loose skin around my middle that I am getting the surgery. He was fine with it. You've put your body through so much by growing and birthing your DC. Why shouldn't you do something to aid in your recovery? Good mum and martyr are not synonymous. Anyone who says they are can, frankly, get stuffed.

MyDcAreMarvel · 16/08/2019 00:20

After seeing the picture I think yes, it’s cleary going to affect your self confidence and mental health. It’s not like you are getting a boob job.

EL8888 · 16/08/2019 00:25

I vote go for it. My stomachs a state and I would love to do something about it

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