Do I book this operation or is it a vanity based disgraceful waste of money?

[MostTacticalNameChange]

For background: I'm a single parent. XH is very supportive with money and flexible custody. I work full time in a secure (as possible) civil service job. I have about £850pcm to spend after rent (a secure HA contract), after school club and bills (not including car/food which comes to around £300 depending on the month).

I have always yo-yoed with my weight (between 10 and 19 stone)and I had a huge baby and un-elastic skin. I have a huge 'apron' of loose skin. It flaps and is obvious under clothes. I hate it and I think about it all the time. This is not just a tiny pouch: I can literally lift and bunch it to the side and see how I could look.

I had a free consultation and was quoted £10k for removal with lipo and 3 years aftercare (I know you can do it cheaper abroad but no).

I have excellent credit and a regular income so can borrow. Some offers I've looked at are £4k at 0% for 30 months, £10k for 4 years at £250pcm, £10k over 12 months 0%.

Basically I mean I can affordably loan this money over a short ish term and it would improve my physical ability and confidence 100 fold.

However, I could die or be disfigured with this surgery ruining my son's life. Or, more likely I'll just be funneling all my spare money for the next few years into a "vanity project" when I should be spending it on my son: holidays, significant presents, school funds etc.

AIBU to get the surgery?

And out

Better in and out of clothes! Ffs.

She is a size ten now, wears bikinis and feels amazing.

I would do it after seeing the pics. I doubt any amount of exercise will solve it. However, wait a year. Save the £250/month. Do your research and shop around. Best wishes. Let us know how it turns out.

Looking at the photo I would do it OP, I can see why it affects you.

Don't do it on the cheap abroad - you know better than that!

I also agree with others, give yourself a year with this clear goal in mind, see how much you can save and reevaluate.

Bit of harsh truth: self-loathing won't disappear with an operation, start by treating yourself with some kindness.

You look fine to me in your photo. But if it's affecting your confidence that much, I would say go for it

I’m planning the same for next year. Like you I earn well, can afford it and I think it will make me happier. Go for it xxx

Do you have savings? You say you've got £850 leftover each month but then you're talking about getting a loan. I'd follow the suggestion of saving for at least a year, because there's no urgency, but also to be certain that you have got that money spare.

bloomburger do you mind if I ask you how long you had to take off work? I’ve been thinking about having a tummy tuck for a while - I have an overhang from 3 c sections - but also work in the fitness industry and am concerned about how much work I’d have to miss! I’d also love to see your before and after pics if you don’t mind sending me a pm too!

OP - I understand your concerns and share them. I had a breast reduction last year abs the difference it has made to my confidence, after years and years of hating my boobs, is amazing. Tummy tuck is riskier (which is why I am also dithering) and only you can decide, but I do think feeling confident day to day is enough of a reason.

I'd save for it instead of getting a loan and spend the time saving working on your fitness too if you don't already, so you'reas healthy as possible for the surgery.

What Lelli said. A friend of mine had it as she had a large apron from weight loss following gastric bypass surgery. It's really not something I'd so as a sp until my child was much older because the recovery is long! She also got two infections and that set her back (she has no children). Also I'd not get into debt over it. It sounds like you need to work on your MH first, anyhow, if you're not going for promotions because of this and you're pinning your entire well being on this. It's a big op with a large scar and is far, far from risk free.

Do it if you can afford it.

Would definitely advise you to go for it. Only surgery will sort out that loose skin. Presume you have done your research and the surgeon has successfully done lots of these procedures? Good luck!

Hmm... yes. Sorry girl, I really hate to say that, but in your situation I'd get surgery. The fold is also quite deep, I'd be worried about rubbing/chafing/infection in hot weather as well. Also, you earn the bloody money, through your own hard work, and there's no reason whatsoever why you shouldn't spend it on yourself if you wish to.

I don’t think YABU
However, I would consider trying some self-help to create a positive body image first. See if you can’t train your brain to love your post baby body in all it’s wonderful glory! Perhaps try and boost your confidence, change of wardrobe etc
Give it a good chance to work, maybe 12 months.... and if it doesn’t, then I would consider surgery.

Also, OP... only you know your state of mind - we don’t.... but I would ask yourself the question...
What if you pay the money, get the surgery but it doesn’t affect your confidence? Or doesn’t make the difference to your mental well being that you thought it would?

Having said all I have said, YANBU for actually spending the money on yourself. Just to make sure it is really really what you want.

Hmmm. If this was me, The risks would be my only concern really. I would be wary of assuming that getting it done in this country is a lot less risky than getting it done abroad. As far as I’m aware legislation here for cosmetic surgery is not the same as plastic surgery on the NHS. Am I right in thinking that anyone registered with the GMC can work at a private cosmetic surgery clinic? This doesn’t mean that they are an expert or talented in what they want to do, just that they know that there is a lot of money to be made out of women with hang ups about naturally occurring bodily “defects” (as the women see it). No-one knows the long term effects of this type of procedure. The breast implant scandal is back in the news again, who is to say that cosmetic tummy tuck procedures won’t be in the news in 15 years’ time? Certainly people who have had lots of Botox or fillers certainly seem to have a “look” about them, even when they stop having it done. No-one really KNOWS the long term effects of these things, and everyone thinks that they won’t be the unlucky one.

Since Colin Hendry’s wife died after having the same thing done, I decided that the only surgical risk I would put myself under would be for medical reasons only. Things can go wrong from the major to the minor with minor being a slight infection, or over prominent scar, or appearance not being quite as desired. Or it can be much worse, with ongoing permanent pain or nerve damage that is far worse than the emotional pain of the perceived bodily imperfection.

Who will be YOUR carer, as well as that of the kids, if something went wrong? Who would pay the bills if you lost your job having too much time off? If you have life insurance and/or critical illness insurance does it cover non-essential cosmetic operations? Is it fair to put needless pressure on the already overstretched NHS and social services if they have to take over an fix something that goes wrong?

I think there is much more to it in terms of thinking about risk than people first think. My mum had breast cancer many years ago and of course signed the sheet detailing the risks of the medical treatment, obviously just thinking that the treatment was to save her life so she would have to just go with the risks. Years later she has developed leukaemia and they think it’s because of all the chemo she had from the breast cancer. She is philosophical and says “well, they were just risks I HAD to take in order for the first life saving medical treatments to work.” Imagine being faced with terrible misfortune in a few years time as a result of a purely cosmetic op but having to say “well, they were risks that I CHOSE to take for my satisfaction over my physical appearance.”

I’m sorry to emphasise the downside. A small risk is still a risk and you really need to think carefully about what you would actually be signing. Personally if it were me, I woukd only be considering this if I had no quality of life in the first place because it was stopping me physically getting about, working or even just leaving the house. So, for example, I think gastric band ops, although extremely risky, are worth it for morbidly obese people who will probably die very early anyway without it, and who are literally stuck in bed at home all day. But loose skin, however unsightly you think it is, is just loose skin.

Littlepeas: I have an overhang from 3 c sections

I wasn’t aware that c sections cause overhangs, I think that 3 pregnancies are the actual cause, along with simply ageing skin and muscles, and natural weight gain.

From your particular post, I would be concerned if I was your friend that if you had the tummy tuck after already having a breast reduction then it would just be a psychological green light for you to start noticing other parts of your body that aren’t “perfect”. What if your bum started sagging no matter how many exercises you did, as happens eventually as we get older? Or you start thinking “ooh I’ve always wanted that bump in my nose gone” etc. Botox, fillers etc etc. Where does it stop? The desire for “perfection” will only get worse unless we stop trying to all look the same.

Why not .....
save for a 6 months period to see if you can live without the loan repayment comfortably
Start a diet and exercise regime that works for you. You want to keep it all off
Post surgery and will help the pretty major recovery process if you are fitter and slimmer
If after 6 months you are fitter and more toned and can live
Comfortable with with reduced budget GO
For it

I have an apron Tactical it's slightly larger than yours and as I've aged it's caused problems.
The underneath keeps chafing and getting skin issues. The hot weather is awful it's like a sweaty bum crack.
I've saved for four years for a full body lift (I have excess skin on top of thighs too and my tits have migrated to my waist) but the operation keeps going up in price so inever seem to move forward.
When DC have finished Uni I'm borrowing to get it done.

Having seen your photo I'd go for it. I have an overhang too and would love plastic surgery if I could afford. Do what will make you happy.

I think it's great to do something for yourself, that makes you feel good and improves your self esteem. I say go for it. And from the pic, i think you'll feel fantastic about yourself after, and rightfully so. Your figure looks great to me and if this one thing will make you more comfortable in your skin, you should do it.

I wouldn’t have any surgery that wasn’t medically necessary - the risks of a general anaesthetic are small but not non existent. I also wouldn’t count on it being just what you’re quoted for as any complications will need treatment which will be added to the bill.

I work in the private sector and I have had patients with life threatening reactions to anaesthetics / antibiotics who have surgery abandoned or not started, but then still receive a large bill from the hospital for the time and drugs spent resuscitating them and the cost of the ambulance transfer to an NHS intensive care unit.

Lots to think about. Thank you all.

Self loathing was a bit strong. I don't hate myself just hate the loose skin. It is impossible to hide and unless contained securely jiggles about and makes slapping noises 🙈

I totally accept and am fine with the fact I'll never have what is deemed a "perfect " body and I'm not chasing that. I just do not feel this is part of my body. It's an uncomfortable, ugly and impractical alien!

The risks are significant and I really will get more information on this and see other clinics. The £10k includes 2 lots of liposuction and hospital transfers too. So I could be down to £7k.

I have no savings- I left someone who was bleeding me dry earlier this year and had to spend a lot on relocating but back on my feet now and in a position to save. I take the point about waiting a year but I'm mid thirties and and it has bothered me for all my adult life (was a fat kid too) and I have been thinking about it for years. But I know I shouldn't get ahead of myself.

I should really be saving to buy a house too- and quite fast at my age. Spending this now makes it unlikely I'll ever own (shared ownership) without a partner or inheritance, neither of which are things I'm seeking. But this is the position for most people I guess?

Sorry, but I'd put house ownership and my pension above going into debt for an elective operation, especially one as extensive and risky as this. It's not a very certain economy at present and taking on debt unnecessarily doesn't seem wise at all.

Ok this is the result from May 1st operation. I took 6 weeks off before I could teach verbally without showing clients different exercises and started exercising slowly from 8 weeks and back to full fitness by 12 weeks. (Has rectus

I'm still a bit swollen, it's the paunch between my belly button & the scar, it's not huge but you can see and feel the swelling.