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Original poster

To be upset with this (date night)

110 replies

RJonezy · 15/08/2019 21:58

I will probably get stick for this... but please hear me put.

Me and boyfriend (been together 9 years, lived with each other for just under 1 year we are 27) went out for a rare meal tonight.

I got a text at work from him to say 'I'm taking you out for a meal tonight and it's a secret' I literally nearly fell out of my chair. This is so so rare for him. We never have nights like this, no kids, we should be making the most of it right?

The bill gets shoved on the table. He whips out our 'joint account' card. This is the card for the account we pay all our bills from sick as mortgage, gas and electric, tv bills etc (but not good). We put a certain amount of money each into it ever month. I hope that makes sense.

So realistically I paid for this...

Isn't the idea of being taken out for a meal is to be treated ?

Could be another nail in the coffin for us really Sad

Am I being unreasonable ?! Driving me insane...

OP posts:
Original poster
RJonezy · 15/08/2019 22:00

Apologies for typos... should have read before posting.

When he said it was a secret it means I was not supposed to know where, not that the meal was a secret Smile

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 15/08/2019 22:03

I suppose, as he said ‘I’m taking you out’. But if you are getting upset over this then guess there’s more wrong than who pays for a meal.

worriedandannoyed · 15/08/2019 22:03

I think that's a very small thing to be annoyed about

Original poster
RJonezy · 15/08/2019 22:05

Thanks for your responses.

@worriedandannoyed maybe it's just me then... Sad

OP posts:
HollyBollyBooBoo · 15/08/2019 22:06

Well you paid half presumably if he puts the same amount into the joint account.

I think this is probably about something deeper isn't it?

Travis1 · 15/08/2019 22:07

I can see why you’re annoyed. I assume you share bills then have your own spending money? So not exactly the romantic gesture he was making it out to be?

Joopy · 15/08/2019 22:07

Does he have a joint account and his own account?

AguerosAngel · 15/08/2019 22:07

I’m guessing that there are bigger things going on here with you saying that this could be another nail in the coffin for your relationship?

How many other nails are there?

Choice4567 · 15/08/2019 22:08

I would be annoyed if he’d said I’m taking you out and then realistically I’d paid for half. But that’s because I don’t have much money at the mo.

I suppose really it is a bit of a small thing. If it were me I would also jokingly say ‘oh, I thought you were treating me!’

Flerkin · 15/08/2019 22:09

But would meals usually come out of the joint account?

Do you ever take him out and spend your own money?

thecatinthetwat · 15/08/2019 22:09

Sounds fine to me, but I hate the idea that a man should pay.

I accept the idea that the person inviting you out should pay, but in reality no-one does this.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 15/08/2019 22:09

I dont know, in my opinion (and I know a lot on here have separate money) it's all one pot anyway if you're in a serious relationship. It baffles me a bit when you see couples that have been married years with kids saying well I got this one so you get that one, oh no you paid for the tickets the other night so I'll get it, type of thing. If you're taking turns anyway, and it works out roughly even, then you may as well pool money for things like that anyway as it's much easier

Only way I'd be annoyed is if he earns loads more than you - then it's a bit harsh that he treats you with half your money. Or if you regularly treat him from your money and he treats you with joint

Lifeisabeach09 · 15/08/2019 22:09

I'd assume he was treating you to dinner and, as such, paying for it.

3boysandabump · 15/08/2019 22:09

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

It's not really about who pays it's about doing something nice together.

Original poster
RJonezy · 15/08/2019 22:09

Thanks@HollyBollyBooBoo

we haven't been great at the moment. I think that was partly the reason for his very rare idea to 'take me out'. I thought he could have just whipped into his wallet Blush

Maybe I am over thinking !!

OP posts:
thecatinthetwat · 15/08/2019 22:10

Come on op, what’s the real issue(s)??

treehousethunderstorm · 15/08/2019 22:10

This would have upset me as I work hard at making sure the joint account balances, it's used for mortgage and bills, petrol and food shopping. We both have separate accounts for spends. If it was used for something frivolous the food budget would be reduced and I'd find it difficult to plan for the rest of the month.

Original poster
RJonezy · 15/08/2019 22:10

@Joopy he has his own account as well as our joint account yes

OP posts:
SunniDay · 15/08/2019 22:10

Do you ever take him out for a meal and pay for both of you? - or is it only him that's supposed to use his money that way?

thecatinthetwat · 15/08/2019 22:11

Op, take him out and pay for the meal. Then he’ll know for next time!

WhyBirdStop · 15/08/2019 22:11

Unless it would leave the bills short I'd be fine with it and might even suggest it, we have years from the joint account now and then, rather than from our spends, it feels free for some reason. The spontaneous suggestion to do something together you don't often do, and that he surprised you is the point of the gesture really.

WhyBirdStop · 15/08/2019 22:12

*treats not years

Original poster
RJonezy · 15/08/2019 22:13

@AmIRightOrAMeringue we earn similar wages, ones of us slightly more ..

That's the thing with us, it's always I brought this so you buy that. Especially more on his side.

Probably doesn't help he just brought himself a new car in cash for £10k a few months ago... he is being very tight and doesn't want to spend any money I have noticed. But not my fault Sad

OP posts:
AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 15/08/2019 22:13

I dont know, in my opinion (and I know a lot on here have separate money) it's all one pot anyway if you're in a serious relationship. It baffles me a bit when you see couples that have been married years with kids saying well I got this one so you get that one, oh no you paid for the tickets the other night so I'll get it, type of thing. If you're taking turns anyway, and it works out roughly even, then you may as well pool money for things like that anyway as it's much easier

I agree with this. I was thinking that whilst reading the OP that whenever DH and I go out for dinner, the one who pays is the one the waiter puts the bill in front of as it's all from the same account!

Original poster
RJonezy · 15/08/2019 22:15

@SunniDay I have paid for meals in the past and so has he. Whoever's idea it is usually pays. Just not this time x

OP posts:
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