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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think DP's being a bit cheeky in asking me to do this? (So trivial it's ridiculous).

145 replies

GreatBigMeanie · 15/08/2019 19:14

DP gets in from work trip fairly late tonight and has asked me to drive into town to pick him up (5 miles) to take him from station to his work so he can collect his car and drive to mine while I drive to mine separately.

It's 0.7 miles from station to his work, a 10 min walk or 4 min taxi. He's fit as a fiddle and not carrying any sort of heavy bags.

It's not a big deal, I love him and want to do nice, helpful things for him but this just seems a wee bit.......ridiculous and selfish? I would never ask similar of him.

Prepared to be told I'm a mardy old bag.

AIBU?

OP posts:

SoyDora · 16/08/2019 07:56

My reply was that if my DP had asked me to make such a short journey it would be because there was an emotional rather than a physical reason for it, so I would say yes

I’m sure if the OP felt he was asking for emotional reasons then she would do the same. As it is, she is the one who knows him, heard his tone when he asked and felt he was being cheeky.

PooWillyBumBum · 16/08/2019 07:58

I think it's cheeky. What a lot of driving for a 0.7 mile trip (i.e. an extra 10 miles round trip of driving for you).

Fillipe · 16/08/2019 08:05

If my DP asked me to make such a short round journey it would indicate that he wanted to feel loved, wanted and cared for, so I would do it.
Bloody hell!! Is that a joke?

AChickenCalledDaal · 16/08/2019 08:07

I'm a town planner. Every day of my working life I listen to people moaning about traffic congestion.

One reason we have congestion is because there are many people who think it's perfectly reasonable to use two vehicles, each consuming fossil fuels, to travel an extra ten miles, to save a grown up, fit, healthy man a ten minute walk.

SoyDora · 16/08/2019 08:20

If my DP asked me to make such a short round journey it would indicate that he wanted to feel loved, wanted and cared for, so I would do it

Why is his desire to be loved, wanted and cared for(!) more important than your desire to go to bed at a time you want when you have a stinking cold and need some rest?
And if DH needed a lift for 0.7 miles to make him feel loved and cared for, I’d probably conclude that there were other issues in our relationship.
Some of these replies are crazy.

Snowy111 · 16/08/2019 08:23

Very lazy of him, and a huge waste of petrol to ask you. Tell him you’ll pay for his taxi!

Snowy111 · 16/08/2019 08:24

Although I’d be embarrassed to get in a taxi for that short distance!

StoatofDisarray · 16/08/2019 08:36

I wouldn't do it regardless of how I feel! If I wasn't up to it, of course I'd refuse! I said that in my first post - if I was feeling like shit, I'd say no.

I'm just saying that's how it would work with me, albeit as a non-driving person. Neither of us would get a car or a taxi for such a short journey, so I suggested an emotional reason for the request. And yes, if the situation was reversed, he would make exactly the same judgement call - and has, most recently when I returned from the USA where I had been working for 2 weeks, and he had flu and didn't come to meet my plane, as he often does.

OP didn't give us any additional info about her relationship with her partner, whether her illness had got worse since he last saw her, whether this is normal behaviour, etc.so I couldn't comment on her DP. I'm sure she knows her own partner's tone of voice and can make her own judgement on whether he is being a CF.

666onmyhead · 16/08/2019 08:47

This is the sort of thing I'd ask someone to do too. Luckily for me my Other half would have no problem doing it, an that's another reason why I love them!

SoyDora · 16/08/2019 08:49

This is the sort of thing I'd ask someone to do too.

But why? Is it genuine laziness? Fear of walking alone? Would you ask your partner to do it if he was ill? Wouldn’t you think ‘it’s not fair to drag him out when he’s ill, for the sake of me walking 10 mins’? Just trying to understand the mindset.

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 16/08/2019 08:56

If he's driving the car back anyway from work then surely he just jumps in a taxi to the workplace?? Surely?

Someonetookmyusername · 16/08/2019 08:57

Did you do it OP?

whattodowith · 16/08/2019 08:57

YANBU, it would never occur to me to ask someone to do this for me. He sounds like a lazy twat in all honesty, you’re not his taxi service!

chamenanged · 16/08/2019 09:00

I said, 'I would never expect it and I would never, ever ask'

He knows when my train is due and he comes to get me. Should I then turn him away and walk home? *

Well, it was you that said (literally in the same post) 'this type of journey should be out on climate change grounds'. So you tell me. Should you?

Charley50 · 16/08/2019 09:00

Did you say no OP?

BlackCatSleeping · 16/08/2019 09:05

Just wondering what the OP did. Really hope she said no!

amusedbush · 16/08/2019 09:31

This is the sort of thing I'd ask someone to do too

Why? Do you have a disability? Or are you just so lazy that you'd waste someone else's time and petrol to save you a ten minute walk?

CecilyP · 16/08/2019 11:05

^I have read the OP!

The point I was trying to make is that if my DP asked me to make such a short round journey it would indicate that he wanted to feel loved, wanted and cared for, so I would do it. My DP and I walk everywhere because we live in central London. My reply was based on how I would feel if he asked me to walk to the tube station at 10pm to meet him. The tube station is about 5-10 minute walk away.

My reply was that if my DP had asked me to make such a short journey it would be because there was an emotional rather than a physical reason for it, so I would say yes.^

You've read the OP, and you still think a 10 mile round trip is 'such a short journey'? It is not the same as a 5 to 10 minute walk to the tube for the sheer pleasure of walking back to your home your DP. It wouldn't even be a lovely 10 minute walk. He would be in her car for about 4 minutes until he picks up his own. If he is a fast driver he could even be home for 4 minutes before she is.

CecilyP · 16/08/2019 11:11

And yes, if the situation was reversed, he would make exactly the same judgement call - and has, most recently when I returned from the USA where I had been working for 2 weeks, and he had flu and didn't come to meet my plane, as he often does.

Can you not see that picking up a person without transport is fundamentally different to picking up someone who has there own transport but that transport just happens to be 10 minutes walk away?

StoatofDisarray · 16/08/2019 11:25

Yes, I can see the difference: I was comparing faff with like faff, i.e. getting dressed and walking through the streets for 10 mins at night to meet him if he had called me and asked me to meet him. I wouldn't have been driving to pick up my DP, I would have been walking to meet him (neither of us drives/has a car), and I wouldn't do it as a matter of course for the pleasure of walking home with him.

I have also said several times that it depends on how rough I was feeling, and that the whole scenario is dependent on context. Maybe I was thinking too broadly.

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