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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think DP's being a bit cheeky in asking me to do this? (So trivial it's ridiculous).

145 replies

GreatBigMeanie · 15/08/2019 19:14

DP gets in from work trip fairly late tonight and has asked me to drive into town to pick him up (5 miles) to take him from station to his work so he can collect his car and drive to mine while I drive to mine separately.

It's 0.7 miles from station to his work, a 10 min walk or 4 min taxi. He's fit as a fiddle and not carrying any sort of heavy bags.

It's not a big deal, I love him and want to do nice, helpful things for him but this just seems a wee bit.......ridiculous and selfish? I would never ask similar of him.

Prepared to be told I'm a mardy old bag.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 15/08/2019 23:53

I'd go pick him up. My dh could walk to the station when out with his mates, but I'd take him, why wouldn't I? He came off shift at 2am then drove me to the airport. I've previously driven 20 minutes when he's drunkenly missed his train stop. He'd do it for me, I'd do it for him.

GabsAlot · 15/08/2019 23:55

Thats different cherry do u have to do a ten mile round trip-this man doesnt even haver to walk a mile

maddy68 · 16/08/2019 00:07

My husband and I always do this for each other, not seeing the problem here tbh

CheshireChat · 16/08/2019 00:19

I thought it was a bit cheeky to get DP to pick me and the very, very tired kid from soft play (similar walk time, just shorter distance as shorter legs!). It started drizzling as well.

I'm all for doing small things for each other, but this is beyond pointless, particularly as the poor OP is unwell.

summersherewishiwasnt · 16/08/2019 00:34

Pick him up mardy

didkdt · 16/08/2019 00:46

I'm wondering if this us a reverse or there is a hugely relevant detail missing.
I'd consider sending an Uber in your shoes.
But if he's asking you to do it for him, would he do it for you in reverse?
I think for such a comparatively short distance if he's asking there is or ought to be a good reason and I'd try and support him

TinyMystery · 16/08/2019 05:42

DH and I share a car. I drive for work (part time) and have DS on my non-work days so mostly have the car. DH cycles an hour to work (usually at 4.30am) most days. He also gets himself to/from the station (20 minutes on a bike) on the days he’s in London for work. Obviously on days where the weather is vile or he has a particularly long day I will pick him up from work, or tell him to take the car if we don’t need it, but it would never cross his mind that a 10 minute walk was lift-worthy! Neither of us would tbh.

chamenanged · 16/08/2019 05:50

I'm a bit shocked at the number of people who would pander to this request because the poor lamb's 'been working'.
*
Full disclosure: my dh often picks me up from the station a 10-minute walk away when I've been on a work trip, but I would never expect it and I would never, ever ask, unless the weather was truly atrocious (severe weather warning atrocious).

This sort of completely unnecessary journey should be out on climate change grounds, quite apart from anything else.*

Eh right so it's okay for you to do it but no one else should be allowed and wanting to makes them a 'poor lamb'? You do wonder if people can hear themselves sometimes Hmm

Nextphonewontbesamsung · 16/08/2019 06:05

I'm a bit shocked at the number of posters who haven't processed the basic facts of the situation even though the op is written perfectly clearly.

StoatofDisarray · 16/08/2019 06:38

I'd pick my partner up: it's not far and it's not going to take long, and I love him. It would make him feel welcome and cared for.

If it was going to take a lot longer - especially at that time of night - then I would ask why.

Of course if I was on the toilet with the shits, then no.

Fillipe · 16/08/2019 06:48

I'm a bit shocked at the number of posters who haven't processed the basic facts of the situation even though the op is written perfectly clearly
Me too. Frustrating isn't it? Hmm

Minesril · 16/08/2019 06:49

DH and I don't drive for environmental reasons. He walks 2 miles to work, I cycle. When i see other people's addictions to their cars I do wonder why we bother.

helpmeiamatoad · 16/08/2019 06:52

Can you not just say no?

Unless there’s a drip feed incoming, he has literally just asked you. You can say no. Why get so upset about it?

helpmeiamatoad · 16/08/2019 06:52

Not that my comment is particularly useful 9 hours after the eventGrin

CottonSock · 16/08/2019 06:55

My dh would never ask this if I was ill (or ask at all really). Just walk you lazy man.

CatteStreet · 16/08/2019 07:02

chamenanged:
You do wonder if people can read and comprehend what they're quoting sometimes Hmm

I said, 'I would never expect it and I would never, ever ask'

He knows when my train is due and he comes to get me. Should I then turn him away and walk home?

The OP's partner asked her to do this.

Tonnerre · 16/08/2019 07:10

Driving 10 miles to save someone a 10 minute walk is ridiculous. I do wonder whether all the people who claim they would do this have read the OP properly. As for all the stuff about the hard day the poor lamb has had, he would have been sitting on a train for at least a couple of hours: for most people, unless they have problems with mobility, a 10 minute walk would be a nice change.

DappledThings · 16/08/2019 07:12

I'd pick my partner up: it's not far and it's not going to take long, and I love him. It would make him feel welcome and cared for.

But he's not asking to be picked up. He's asking for OP to drive 5 miles to be a 0.7 mile taxi while they them both drive 5 miles home in separate cars. It's ludicrous.

Has anyone who has said YABU really read the OP?

Tonnerre · 16/08/2019 07:16

Isn't this the type of nice thing that couples do for each other?

Well, no. The type of nice thing that couples do for each other is not to expect the other person to flog out at 10 p.m. to drive 10 miles because they can't be bothered to do a 10 minute walk.

I get the strong impression that most of the YABUs on this thread come from people who haven't read the first post properly and think the OP is being asked to give her partner a lift home.

DappledThings · 16/08/2019 07:25

I get the strong impression that most of the YABUs on this thread come from people who haven't read the first post properly and think the OP is being asked to give her partner a lift home

They have to be. It's the only thing that makes sense. None of the YABUs have explained why a round trip of 10 miles to save a walk of 0.7 miles is reasonable so I'm assuming they haven't read it properly.

CecilyP · 16/08/2019 07:38

%He came off shift at 2am then drove me to the airport.^

That’s not quite the same, is it, Cherry? The equivalent would be if you drove yourself to the airport but you asked your DH to also drive so he could drive you from the airport car park to the terminus.

WrongKindOfFace · 16/08/2019 07:43

It wouldn’t occur to me to ask someone to drive me so I didn’t have to walk for ten mins. And especially not when the driver is unwell.

FinallyHere · 16/08/2019 07:52

being KIND to one another .

Well, yes, I think being kind to one another is really important.

Is he really being 'kind' to ask OP who is not feeling well, to go out at what is essentially the time she would usually be going to bed ahead of an early start and drive a 11 mile round trip to save him walking 0.7 miles (or 4min taxi ride)

I get that lots of us are programmed to put other people's needs ahead of our own. This sounds to me like one of those occasions.

Would it be fair to ask her DH to walk nearly a mile, say 15mins or take a taxi to save OP from having to go out near bedtime ahead of any early start when she is not feeling well.

I think it would be fair to expect him to walk or get himself a taxi. Mostly just to walk less than a mile.

StoatofDisarray · 16/08/2019 07:54

I have read the OP!

The point I was trying to make is that if my DP asked me to make such a short round journey it would indicate that he wanted to feel loved, wanted and cared for, so I would do it. My DP and I walk everywhere because we live in central London. My reply was based on how I would feel if he asked me to walk to the tube station at 10pm to meet him. The tube station is about 5-10 minute walk away.

My reply was that if my DP had asked me to make such a short journey it would be because there was an emotional rather than a physical reason for it, so I would say yes.

StoatofDisarray · 16/08/2019 07:55

And if I was so I'll I wasn't up to it, I'd say, Sorry, I'm feeling a bit shit, see you when you get in...