To ask: why wouldn’t you take your husband’s surname?

[Josephinaphia]

Not looking for a row here - just genuinely interested in people’s reasoning behind not changing their surname upon marriage.
I am married and although I have a very unique maiden name which I love, I took my husband’s surname when we married. It was strange at first and a little sad, but now it is my name and part of my identity, as my original name was. We have 2 DDs who both have the surname too.
My questions are:
If you kept your name, what were your reasons? (e.g. you’d already made a name for yourself in your profession)
If it is a feminist issue of ‘ownership’ as some people seem to suggest, why is it any better to be ‘owned’ by your dad, to be known by your dad’s surname?
Is it not complicated having a different surname to your children, does it not get annoying when people assume you are Mrs DH’s surname anyway?
Do your children question why you have a different name?
With the whole double-barelling thing, again is this a feminist issue? To both be equal? But then what is the long-term plan? When your DC get married will they add their surname to their spouse’s surname and potentially have a quadruple-barrel name? And what of the generation after that?
I have a really lovely dad who treats my mum incredibly well and my husband is the same to me, so I’ve never really had a complex about men being superior or me being inferior and just never really saw the issue with having a shared marital, family name - but it seems so common now for women to want to keep their maiden name (their dad’s name) in some capacity and I guess I’m just curious as to why. As far as I can see, taking your husband’s name is the sensible way to do it if you’re going to have family. Double-barrelling in particular is surely just causing problems for your children further down the line?

OooerMissus

Interesting when the surname gets passed down the matriarchal line. A famous example is the Pankhursts.

Emmeline's daughter Sylvia gave her son Richard, the Pankhurst surname. Richard's children are both Pankhursts and his daughter has given her daughter the Pankhurst name. Just too good to lose!

My DH & I both changed our surnames when we got married. We chose a name from my family.
My DH's parents were furious. Pissing them off was quite a good reason. And the patriarchy.

I did eventually start using my husband's name after marriage, DC both have his surname, but i never really embraced it..
I didnt really think too much about it one way or other as it was the done thing. Since children / redundancy / unemployment though, i find myself pondering women's/ feminist issues more and wish i had kept mine. 10 years in, AIBU to change it back?!

Just to fuck with people tbh

The question I ask is, presuming you’re female, why wouldn’t your husband take your name when you marry?

The main question I'd ask is why would you change your name? What is the reason to do so?

turf I really suspect you will Be joyed to have your identity back. Go for it and change it back. But explain to DH so he doesn’t get offended since he already has his hopes on the issue

Took DH's name officially for passport/legal stuff etc... but use my birth/maiden name for lots of things - I LOVE my name/much prefer it to his and it's more culturally appropriate to me than his name. And why would I WANT to use someone elses name? He's more than welcome to change HIS name to mine... on another note, several people have asked (on and off for 25 years) why I haven't changed to his religion/did i want to change/did i feel odd not changing yaaaawn - he's NEVER been asked the same/similar question and he's no more/less religious than me... And nope it NEVER ocurred to me to change anything - why would I any more than he wouldbonkers

Not RTFT but my personal response to the OP'S question is 'I didn't like my husbands name but he didn't want mine and I wasn't overly invested in keeping mine, 9 years later it's still not 'my' name. But I don't regret changing names. We would've been a crap double barrel and i just wasn't/aren't fussed. Plus I changed careers the day before we were married(complete chance) so it was completely insignificant.

Oh and I also want to be a Mrs not a Miss or a Ms, but that's a whole other thread

@Greeborising

Because I like my name and I’m not interested in changing it.
Other people rarely accidentally call
Me by DH’s surname.
My kids don’t give a flying monkeys and never question it. Are you expecting them to have some sort of identity crisis? Ha!

Trying to think of a reason why I didn't take DH's name and there isn't really one. It just didn't occur to me. It seems a really old fashioned, pointless thing to change when I already have a perfectly good surname. DH's isn't a particularly nice name either, maybe if he had a really lovely name I would have changed to it. But otherwise, you get married, you get a marriage certificate, why do you need a change of name as well?

Furthermore, I hardly know anyone who has changed their name on marriage, and the two that did are the type that are constantly posting about how much they "love their hubby" on FB types.

I never really understand the argument that taking your husband's name and giving it to your children "helps to trace family trees".

Only if you don't care about the women in your history.

Carrots my DH's Auntie did their family tree and listed me and our children as having THEIR surname.

Twat.

No one has ever given me a convincing enough reason to do so.

Because it is my name. Simple as that. ExH had his name, I had mine. He kept his, I kept mine.

I didn’t change my name.

I have never had any problem travelling with my kids.

I have never had any issues with schools, dr’s etc getting my name wrong or confused over who I am.

I have not had any family tree issues. Sometimes i wish women didn’t change their name as it would make tracing their family line much easier. No tracking down marriage certs and maiden names.

My children aren’t confused. Neither are their friends.

Even the local priest can get his head round it.

My 85 year old aunt has no problem addressing envelopes.

Only people who can’t are dh’s aunts/uncles. Christmas cards are “mr and mrs dh initial dh surname”. But I think that’s as much to do with the fact they also can’t get their heads round the fact I’m “dr myname”- i don’t think they like that my name reflects my educational achievements, not the “achievement” of marriage.

I will be taking DP surname but making my surname a middle name and also keeping my maiden name as my professional name. I already have it in a high profile role and wouldn't make sense to change it even this early on in my career. It would be akin to deleting things from my CV

10 years in, AIBU to change it back?!

Yanbu! [whispers: do it]

Actually if I'm being honest I'd rather double barrel but DPs parents would have a LOT to say I feel

By which I mean I would want us both to double

Because i would have the same surname as my awful SIL.... God i hate her!

What do your DP’s parents have to do with it, @LemonPrism? Your name, your choice. It’s not some kind of extended family talking point.

I’m sure my ILs were disgusted I didn’t take their son’s name, but as I never brought it up, I will never know...

@NobleRot I mean that they'd be angry with him for changing his name, they have no input on mine.

I'd like us to have the same name, I guess it's bred into me that it's a connection, but I won't make him anger his parent if he doesn't want to.

That being said we're not yet engaged (together 7 years and have had many convos though) and he has said that at the time we'll decide and he's not saying no to anything if I want it.