Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour just gave my husband this:

132 replies

cravingmilkshake · 14/08/2019 21:39

Hi all, my first post in aibu 🤞🏼.

We are proud new parents of a 16 day old baby girl. I am breastfeeding/working it out and think it's going well so far.

Our daughter doesn't cry so much but does occasionally and can get loud - especially if I'm upstairs eg showering and husband has her downstairs.

Anyway, my husband came in today with a leaflet given to him by our 85 year old neighbour... husband thinks he was being kind but aibu to think that this is very passive aggressive?

Thanks in advance- a tired new mum 🤞🏼

Neighbour just gave my husband this:
OP posts:
Justaboy · 14/08/2019 23:51

Can anyone actually access this site it keeps timing out?.

www.dream-nights.com/

EKGEMS · 14/08/2019 23:53

Anyone who claims to be able to sleep train a newborn is full of shit

FirstTimeToddlerMum · 15/08/2019 00:01

It depends what his attitude is usually. I think he's probably just thought of you when he's came came across it. FIL bought me a bunch of old fashioned parenting books about sleep and discipline when I was either about to give birth or just had, can't remember exactly. I remember everyone being a bit as they were a bit oddConfused but he genuinely thought he had done a really nice thing and thought it was a nice gift (MIL was mortified when he presented them Grin) I have gracefully kept them in a bag in the garage.

Durgasarrow · 15/08/2019 00:14

Take it as being nice even if he's being annoying--it will leave him sputtering.

Bambooshoot · 15/08/2019 00:38

I don't think it is rude, more like he is related to "Emily" in some way, she is new to the area/looking to expand, and they have noticed you around and about with a bump before you gave birth, and thought "Oh, perhaps she might benefit from our services" - they may well have been waiting to give you the leaflet once they knew you were safely delivered, nothing to do with how much noise your little one makes! It could be all about them and without a second thought that you might view it as a criticism. It is too early for a sleep routine just yet, but never say never - I'd have bitten their hand off when my son was 1!

flatulencebythebucket · 15/08/2019 01:00

I wouldn't class a 16 day old as loud. They don't have the power in them to be loud.

I'd say he was being nice.

user1481840227 · 15/08/2019 01:19

The only people who can make an educated guess on this are you and your husband, because you know the neighbour...and your husband is probably better placed in this situation to come to a conclusion because he is the one who had the interaction..so if your husband thought it was just him being kind then i'd go with that.

However, it's a pretty weird thing to hand to someone when their baby is only 16 days, I mean baby sleep consultants are surely for much older babies. 16 day olds have to wake up in the middle of the night for milk!
My guess is the neighbour for some reason already had the leaflet and just handed it over without thinking, and was just being nice.

AwdBovril · 15/08/2019 01:50

I suspect it was probably a clumsy attempt at trying to help, in a difficult situation, without voicing the obvious that "your baby is keeping us awake". No new parent needs to hear that. We were very lucky that both of our neighbours were pretty old, & hard of hearing, when DD was newborn. Because bloody hell she could scream for hours, the child had lungs of leather, I swear.

LollyBmummy3 · 15/08/2019 02:14

Aww I think he was trying to be kind. Have a flick through, thank him and tell him you appreciate his support. If he was being nice then he’ll feel good that he’s helped a little. If he was being a d*ck then he’ll definitely feel like one when you are nice to him. All that aside your baby girl is way too young to be in a routine. You and she are still working each other out, it takes time. My almost 11 month old son has only been sleeping through for 3 weeks. It’s been bliss until tonight. He’s currently in bed with me wriggling like a worm!😩🍀

TheSandman · 15/08/2019 02:30

Do you trust your husband's judgement? He was the one who was given the leaflet. He thinks it was meant as a kind - though maybe slightly misguided - gesture. Go with his assessment.

badger2005 · 15/08/2019 02:33

OP it sounds like you are doing great, and of course babies cry and wake up (especially at 16 days!).

I would definitely guess that your neighbour is just being kind: maybe he just thought - this leaflet is about babies, cravingmilkshake has got a baby, so she'll be interested in this.

I can empathise with your tearfulness though. I'm ashamed to say that when I had a newborn, a friend dropping round a bag of baby clothes made me cry (just the effort of having to go through it!) and I also felt that flowers were thoughtless because I had to put them in vases! Ridiculous of me, of course, but I was just so so so tired that everything made me feel cross and tearful and I felt like everyone was being thoughtless and critical. Once you're less tired, things will seem easier. You're doing great!

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 15/08/2019 03:53

I'm wondering if this is a kindly meant response to something your DH might have said in passing - maybe lightheartedly - about not getting any sleep. I really don't think you should be upset by it.

BlackSwan · 15/08/2019 04:05

Is she offering to pay for it? If so, sign up!

BlackSwan · 15/08/2019 04:10

Or perhaps, drop something useful round yourself Old age home leaflet

VikVal · 15/08/2019 04:11

He's 85 and thought it might be help and may have been in response to a passing comment by husband. Your husband was there so could judge, if he said being kind leave it at that...and throw it in the recycling bin.

BitOfFun · 15/08/2019 04:11

I can't think why a neighbour would give you that to piss you off or be nasty- they have to see you regularly, why would they create hassle and bad feeling between you on purpose?

It may have backfired, but I really think it's best to assume people are well-meaning. They probably hear the baby sometimes and feel sorry for you.

Caterina99 · 15/08/2019 05:07

Aw my grandad is 85. He’d probably do something like that. Saw leaflet and thought baby and thought of you. He probably has no idea what sleep training involves at all.

Also if he’s anything like my grandad he’s probably deaf as a post. No newborn neighbor would wake him up.

Smile and say thanks and throw it away.

londonrach · 15/08/2019 06:10

Suspect he being kind op. Congratulations. Think nothing of it x

stucknoue · 15/08/2019 06:32

It could be either, I would like to think that they were at the drs/hospital/community clinic and saw it and thought you might be interested rather than it being a statement about noise. Trying to be helpful sort of thing. But I do like to think the best

LaMarschallin · 15/08/2019 06:44

I'm another who thinks he's just being kind and thought that something about babies would interest new parents.

Also agree about the usual MN ageism being shocking here. However, despite being 85 and, therefore, obviously deaf, ready, at best, for leaflets about retirement homes, or, at worst, info about Dignitas*, he should also know that sleep consultants are no good for newborns.

At least he's still open to new ideas.

*PP, you do know what Dignitas is?
It's not something that's there to create a sort of Logan's Run society where nuiance-y old people over 30 are culled.
As far as I know, a 23 year old paralysed ex-rugby player was the youngest person to use it.
I don't think I'm having a sense of humour failure; I just don't see the "joke".

Obviously none of this is aimed at OP. I think it's natural to be very sensitive in the early days of a new baby - hormones can be buggers Smile
Worst case scenario: the crying does bother him (although I'm one of the posters assuming he's being kind and probably remembering the tiredness he and his wife felt when/if they had a young family).
Not much you can do about it so, as has been suggested, thank him nicely and wrong-foot him.
Or please him, if he was genuinely trying to help.

Palaver1 · 15/08/2019 06:44

Why do we have to overthink things 85 year old thought he was being kind,anyone could have given this I would have thought kindness.
I’m always hesitant to do things because Of these sorts of post.
Congrats on your newborn.

Userzzzzz · 15/08/2019 06:48

I think he’s trying to be helpful. Btw some of my friends have used sleep consultants and it has improved their lives massively so don’t knock it- you might be grateful in a few months. Enjoy your lovely new baby- things change so quickly.

Bourbonbiccy · 15/08/2019 06:48

Congratulations on your newborn.

I wouldn't have even considered it was meant in a negative way, I would have thought he was being nice and thoughtful. I think it's best to assume best intentions unless people show directly otherwise.

IsobelRae23 · 15/08/2019 06:55

Could be his daughter, granddaughter or another relative is a sleep consultant and he mentioned a new baby and crying and they said ‘pass this on’.

transformandriseup · 15/08/2019 07:05

I would write this off as neighbor being kind. A lot of my older neighbours ask about my baby’s sleep despite the fact they wouldn’t be able to hear her through the stone walls. I can’t hear next doors new baby either. The neighbors love to share their stories about their own babies.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread