Neighbour just gave my husband this:

[cravingmilkshake]

Hi all, my first post in aibu 🤞🏼.

We are proud new parents of a 16 day old baby girl. I am breastfeeding/working it out and think it's going well so far.

Our daughter doesn't cry so much but does occasionally and can get loud - especially if I'm upstairs eg showering and husband has her downstairs.

Anyway, my husband came in today with a leaflet given to him by our 85 year old neighbour... husband thinks he was being kind but aibu to think that this is very passive aggressive?

Thanks in advance- a tired new mum 🤞🏼

It's a hard gig being a new mother ... at least I found it so. A couple of NCT friends had "sleep nannies" ... what a luxury, I wouldn't have said no! Good luck darling, I'm sure you're doing just fine 💐🌷🌹🌸🌺

@cravingmilkshake

May have thought he was being helpful, but YANBU to be a bit irked by it.

Congratulations on your new baby !!!

A lovely couple in our road have had a new baby, only just over 2 weeks ago too! And they have a next door neighbour in his 80s. Can't help wondering if it's you/him!

@Caxx

I would recipricate with a dignatas leaflet!

Harsh.

Men of that age cut things out of newspapers, hold on to
Leaflets etc to give to a relevant person- my own dad drives me made with it! I don’t think it’s pointed it’s just something he had put aside for any parent he knew I would think- misguided yes, aggressive no.

I would imagine he was being kind. Maybe he remembers what it was like with his children.

I would have closed the door and ring the number on the leaflet.

As caxx said, he's not being "kind" he's being a twat.

I wouldn't attribute it to malice, just assume the best in this case.

It does nobody any good to take it as a criticism.

I like to see the good in people so would think it was very kind of him to go to the effort of getting sonething he thought we'd find useful... Then I'd chuck it in the bin.

My grandads 90 an she would think he was helping. I'd just pop in the hin and forget about it.

Thanks all for your replies- perhaps I am bu but I think if he had handed it to me I would have cried, even though he probably was being kind!

@petbear this scares me now ha, what county are you in?

Literally none of us have any idea whether this is a genuinely well-meant gesture or if he's being passive aggressive. Only you would be able to guess from your previous relationship with him which is the most likely.

If I thought he was being nasty it would make me feel bad and I can't have that negativity in my house so yeah, I'd chose to see him as trying to be nice and I'd give him a big smile and thank him for his present next time I saw him.

If it was meant nicely he'll be pleased and it's good for neighbourly relations. If he was being nasty, it will infuriate him which is an appropriate response. Both bases covered whilst being a dignified good neighbour

YANBU. It’s either rude, or stupidly insensitive to give someone a leaflet like this. I suspect my DP would take it to be polite, and I’d tell the old man to stick it up his arse (wouldn’t actually, but I’d be so bloody tempted!)

Chuck it away, and enjoy your baby.

My vote is on trying to be kind and helpful. Being older, he may not have realised how this could come across. Pop it in the recycling and don't worry. Congratulations on your baby x

Standingonceremony has said exactly what I was thinking.

It might be a relative of his or just something he saw and thought of you as new parents. Unless you have previous with them I wouldn't look into it too much, congratulations on your new baby!

Either way just see the funny side of it. The dignitas comment is just grim.

Congratulations, at that age chances are they were trying to be kind.

I think on this occasion you should chose to believe it was well-intended. Best for all of you.

I think he was just being kind and helpful.

I'd also say kind and helpful unless there is previous. In my experience 85 year olds don't fuck about, they just say what they think, so I'd doubt it was anything past trying to be helpful.

Congratulations on your new baby.

I'm finding it hard to see why anyone thinks an elderly man is being pass agg giving you this.
Maybe he's simply being thoughtful, maybe he picked it up at the doctors and thought of the young new parents next door.
Who knows, even old blokes know that new parents get sleep deprived, they had young babies once too.

I think he's being helpful!

Completely agree with you Bluntness.

The very idea that a sleep consultant would work on a 15 day old baby is nuts!