Dm makes me choose dc gifts and then she pays.

[thecatinthetwat]

I’m probably being unreasonable but it really annoys me.

Dm always rings me up just before dcs birthday and asks me what to get them. I give some ideas.

She then calls back and says it’s too hard to choose anything and can I pick something.

I tell her to narrow it down and then I’ll take a look, but she says she can’t.

So I basically just find something myself and she pays for it. I find it so frustrating. For example, puzzle plus dc age. That’s what I do and then just pick one. She could do that herself. It’s like she can’t be bothered. Aibu to be so annoyed by it?

FWIW, she’s very internet savvy and has loads of time on her hands as she doesn’t work.

I'd love this, saves unnecessary tat coming in the house, and saves doubles etc. Sorry but I can't see a problem

Perhaps - just a thought - she might actually want to get the right gift?

It how demand exh did it. Picked up e TRA presents and the our parents would give us the money and then they would wrap then up.

Never bothered me.

YAB a bit U. You know the children better than she does, and their interests change all the time - she doesn't want to get the wrong thing and see them disappointed. Anyway, by the time you've given her a list and then made her narrow it down you might as well have just bought it in the first place, and have it sent to her address so she can wrap it herself.

I do this with my mum and the in-laws. Doesn’t bother me and the kids gets decent presents

Yabu i think, better than her ending up buying a duplicate or something not quite right.

I also like it this way, so that kids don't get stuff they don't want/need.

It seems I am being unreasonable then. I’ll try not to get so annoyed.

I think it’s just that I don’t have much time and so I resent having to do it.

Dcs are not picky at all btw, they do like everything.

I’d love it if my mum and PILs did this. As a PP has said, it means no unwanted tat!

We do amazon wish lists. Solves all problems.

She probably feels like you know your kids and their likes/dislikes more than she does. I'd just send her a few links to specific things you know they'll like and let her pick from those. That way it's something your kids will actually enjoy rather than some random tat.

But I can see that it may feel like she's creating work for you.

You know what the dc have got, what they haven't got and what they need. DM doesn't.
I ring my ddil and ask her to tell me what the dgc would like, then I buy it online. Where's the problem?

I love when family do this tbh, as others say it saves duplicates and DC actually get what they need. Plus kids are fickle - they might tell grandma they’re into, say, Pokémon but 2 weeks later they are into something totally different so this way they get something they are currently into.

Send her a list of ideas then stop getting into talks about it!
I have officially quit sorting my dc's birthdays and Christmas gifts off relatives out.
Haven't told them yet like!!

I’d be very happy with this arrangement. Much more control for you on what the DCs get.

😂😂 think yourself lucky that you don't have to deal with some of the shit that my mil buys. I wish she would just ask me to pick something!!!

I wish my parents and in laws would do this. They waste so much money buying stuff the kids don’t need or want. And it’s usually all plastic junk. I’ve spoken to them about this as we hate waste and are very very concerned about climate change. I’ve even asked them not to buy presents at all, rather than waste resources on stuff they won’t use, but it doesn’t work. It is absolutely a consumerist excess to lavish numerous presents on children. Would you rather be given stuff that you may not even need? Very wasteful. Your DM’s approach is much more measured and sensible.

Can't she just send the kids money?

We do amazon wish list too, have an agreement with MIL that we will check and update them about a month before birthdays/Xmas to make sure everything is still relevant, then she just chooses from what's there. Works well for us.

We do this with MIL she asks me to find something £15-£20 which I do, I also wrap it up & label it lol then ahe gives me the money.

I love it & saves getting random stuff!

I know how you feel as my dp and pil do this. I even have to buy the gifts and wrap them quite often. They just aren't confident about choosing the right thing. In my case the relatives are older and not internet savvy though so not quite the same.

Why not copy and me paste some links instead

Or send her an application for premium bonds or open a bank account for the children

I do this with my DD for my DGC. Why is it a problem?

What's the point of buying something for a child that they might not want/need, they wouldn't like, or they've already got.

I know that my DD knows what her DC have and what they would like.

My other DD loves to shop and buy clothes for her nieces, she always sends her DS photos of the clothes she's thinking of buying so that she knows if they're suitable and her DS likes them.

Really cannot see how that can be annoying or frustrating.

My DM does this with my nephew (he's 10). She doesn't see him very often as they don't live close by so she doesn't really know what toys or games he has or the latest fad with the kids at the moment. She'll always ask SIL for ideas. It's better to get something he wants otherwise it's a waste. Just make a note when you're out or shopping online of things you could suggest so when she asks you've already got ideas.