Dm makes me choose dc gifts and then she pays.

[thecatinthetwat]

I’m probably being unreasonable but it really annoys me.

Dm always rings me up just before dcs birthday and asks me what to get them. I give some ideas.

She then calls back and says it’s too hard to choose anything and can I pick something.

I tell her to narrow it down and then I’ll take a look, but she says she can’t.

So I basically just find something myself and she pays for it. I find it so frustrating. For example, puzzle plus dc age. That’s what I do and then just pick one. She could do that herself. It’s like she can’t be bothered. Aibu to be so annoyed by it?

FWIW, she’s very internet savvy and has loads of time on her hands as she doesn’t work.

YAB a bit U but my DM does this to me and it drives me a bit batty too. She goes a step further though, she asks what I’ve got them then says ‘oh that sounds good I’ll give you the money and that can be from me’. I just don’t tell her anymore.

My MIL does this. She doesn't do online shopping, and although she is involved in dcs lives, they are at an age where she struggles with knowing what to get them. It doesn't bother me, I just buy a bunch of stuff for each, then hand one over to her to wrap. It makes her feel better that they're getting exactly what they want!

We set up an amazon wish list for anyone who's not sure.... our whole family use them ... makes presents simple!

My MIL once asked me to go shopping with her, to 'help choose'gifts for our dcs, she spent the whole time shopping for her other grandchildren, And whenever I pointed out something out dcs would like, steadfastly ignored me. When she saw our DCs to give them their presents, she gave each of them £10 in an envelope because she 'didn't know what to buy'. She'd spent in the region of £100 on each of her other dgc.
Even now they are adults, she still massively favours her other dgc - last year they got expensive gifts like make up/perfume/tickets to the theatre with dinner etc. Mine got a pair of socks each. Still, most years they get nothing. And she wonders why they don't especially bother with her.

QueenDreamer I can imagine the tantrums if I chose this approach with DS- heck, I'd be disappointed if I bought something I liked then had to put it away .

I wish my MIL did this. Honestly we receive a steady stream of tat on a weekly basis, which we are expected to find endless room to store. Birthdays & Christmas are basically carte blanche to spend at least a month's rent on random plastic tat, up to 40 books (mostly too young for her), all purchased from bargain bookshops on days out - as that's all PILs seem to do these days - all of which ends up in our house. DD, DH & I all have Amazon wishlists. Completely ignored. They got DH the same book 3 Christmases running.

It's not like we can just easily drop it all off at a charity shop, as we've got no car & both have mobility issues.

I'd just send her screenshots or links to stuff they would like that's in her budget
It's not a problem in my eyes at all
I've got screenshots from DC for Christmas already and my sisters do similar for their DC from me
No waste, no traipsing about, they get what they would like

My mum does it
I love it!!
I buy exactly what my dc want/love/need
And she pays

Better then receiving something that is meh... or something your kid couldn't care less about.

But if you really dont want her to do that
Just tell her THE EXACT present your kid wants and ask her to buy that
Also tell her what store she can buy it from etc.

Then she has 0 excuse 😊

My DM does this too and it really irritates me so I know where you're coming from.
From the replies though I guess we're both BU

I'm a grandmother and can fully understand why she does this - she just wants to make sure that her gift is the right thing. I've bought things in the past for my DGC and discovered that they didn't like it / already had one. It's so disappointing and you feel awful. I can't see anything wrong with what your DM is doing .

I agree with you OP, presents should show thought (not money). Although we solved that in our family by not bothering at all! (crap grandparents, I still bother!!)

At least she's getting something you want them to have - my mil doesn't even buy our dc bday gifts!!! But always her other gc! For Christmas she gets them something because we all meet up as a family but no where near what the others get! On the other hand my dum gets my dc way too much and I wouldn't let them open them all one year as there was 4 sacks each and I'd already asked her not to do that! They opened one or two a week that year!

I'd much prefer how your dm does it!

Your lucky everyone buys my kids pajamers which is strange because they dont actually wear them ds1 wears pants ds2 nothing at a push ds2 wears his big brothers old tshirts to bed like a nightshirt

I have this for multiple family members and feel your pain. Generally because it takes time and effort to think of a good gift and they want to bypass the thinking part and put more mental effort on to me.

If I can’t think of anything I get grief too.

Also I use an Amazon wish list for my mom and sister I put loads of stuff on there all different prices and they choose it can even be gift wrapped

MIL is the same and it does wind me up too because when DS was tiny and physically needed me, she was all over him and since he's become big enough to spend time with her properly she hasn't bothered to visit, hardly have time for us to visit or be bothered to buy presents. I just leave it to DH and get on with my life.

Nope I understand the frustration. My parents and in laws do this to me. They insist they will get a present, wait till the day before the birthday and then call for suggestions, when I can't think of something straight away they just say well you pick something up then. It would be fine if they would just give me notice, But i have a toddler and full time job.

This annoys me! I feel like absolutely no effort is made! I find it stressful enough to find the time to buy presents for the kids as it is, let alone to buy the in laws presents too!!

I think she’s brilliant.

I always ask my DD's what the kids would like. I do go and buy it myself though, or order it online.

Both sets of grandparents do this here too.

We have similar from both sides. So I ask them for contributions to DDs extra curricular activities.
We haven't paid for gymnastics for months.

I am another for an Amazon wishlist. Siblings and nephew all have their own wishlists, so I just get to log on and pick something they actually want. They add to it as they find and then just check again a month or so before birthdays/Christmas to make sure it is still accurate.

The one plus is you can also add notes to the wishlist and details from other shops, so whilst you all get what you want, wherever it is from, you also get a bit of a surprise not knowing who got what until opened.

I know that feeling. My FIL used to do this too. I didn't mind it until one time he asked me to wrap it up too!!! Since then, I send him the kids Amazon wish list or an Argos screenshot of the product number & picture.