Dm makes me choose dc gifts and then she pays.

[thecatinthetwat]

I’m probably being unreasonable but it really annoys me.

Dm always rings me up just before dcs birthday and asks me what to get them. I give some ideas.

She then calls back and says it’s too hard to choose anything and can I pick something.

I tell her to narrow it down and then I’ll take a look, but she says she can’t.

So I basically just find something myself and she pays for it. I find it so frustrating. For example, puzzle plus dc age. That’s what I do and then just pick one. She could do that herself. It’s like she can’t be bothered. Aibu to be so annoyed by it?

FWIW, she’s very internet savvy and has loads of time on her hands as she doesn’t work.

I think YABU and bit ungrateful. My mother does this with the adults and the children in the family. She's in her 70's now and says she just doesn't know what buy anyone anymore. Much better that people get what they need/want than unwanted gifts ending up in landfill. She's not internet savvy either, nor can she walk far so she usually transfers the money and I do the shopping. No big deal, honestly I'm just grateful that someone other than me buys gifts for my DC.

This is how I buy my grandkids presents. They get what they want and I don't waste my money. Result.
My adult kids get either money or something they specifically ask for, and they do the same to me. No one has to pretend to be grateful for something they don't really want or need, or have to recycle it to a charity shop.

My dm does this, I prefer it as otherwise she'd buy the latest plastic tat fad, however, it is a bit irritating in that she expects an immediate answer and asks soooo early. Last Xmas, no more than half an hour after dd opened her present, she asked me what she should buy dd for her birthday which is in August!! (and come August she'll immediately ask what to buy for Xmas). But I prefer this over PIL, every birthday/Xmas since she was born they've either bought her a soft bodied baby doll or playdoh and have even bought the same doll two years in a row.

I understand your frustration - having to find the headspace to think up extra gifts, buy them and wrap them when it’s already a busy time. My mum used to do it to me - ask for more and more specific instructions then say “you order it, I’ve transferred the money.”
Amazon wishlists are a godsend.
Also, accepting that you will be buying the gift and she will fund it means you stop resenting it so much.
Far better she does it that way than my MIL, who goes off piste and buys totally random, awful junk that heads straight to the charity shop without passing go. It’s such a waste.

Yabu. This can be the best way. Often we end up with a load of tat, duplicates etc.

Some people are brilliant at choosing gifts but others aren't. I think it's really good of you mum to do this so at least you definitely get something you want.

God I would love this. We get so much junk from all the grandparents (they're all split and remarried so x4 useless gifts every birthday and christmas). I give them ideas and those ideas get ignored and we get cheap newborn toys my 2 year old has no interest in. I then buy everything on the Amazon wishlist myself so that he has enough new toys to keep him entertained. Count yourself lucky, it could be worse!

YABU I prefer this as less tat and your child receives the item they wanted win win.

My mum does the same. Except with her I'd I say we're planning on getting a specific thing she'll say "if you get it out can be from me -I'll send you the money..."

It used to bother me but I started looking at it a different way. My Mum and Dad find it stressful and they don't need more stress. My son get what he wants/needs.

Most of my family do this, to be honest I don’t mind. Like others have said you don’t end up with loads of tat or the same thing twice. It’s still a surprise for the children

YANBU OP. I get annoyed when relatives ask for specific present ideas (I struggle to come up with ideas, kids don't have specific interests really), order it and get it delivered from Amazon so I have to wrap it too.

Its lazy in my opinion. So much more thoughtful when someone comes up with an idea all on their own and sends a wrapped present.

For the people on here saying there prefer a gift to be wrapped and sent for example. Well in our fanily, lots of us are spread out across the country and some abroad. So they and us send the children money or vouchers as requested. Or you end up spending more on postage than the gift itself.
We've all got personal preference of course, but it's not always down to lack of effort or being lazy that people send money, vouchers or order gifts to be sent and ask parents to wrap. It depends on circumstances.

My mum does this, she always has "no idea what to get". I don't mind too much, occasionally I find it irritating but at least dd is getting something she actually wants.

I’d love this too.

No I don't like it either ok. It's just another job for me to do.

My mum does this too, which is absolutely fine by me! I know what DDs like. As they are getting a bit older now and I'm trying to cut down on the amount of toys brought into the house, my parents usually pay for an experience. Last year it was a joint birthday party (their birthday's are a couple of weeks apart) and this year it's going to be afternoon tea at the Ritz (birthdays are in the festive season). DH and I can't wait!

MIL always buys them loads of clothes for birthdays and Christmas which they like and means I don't have to buy anything for ages.

Doesn't bother us. In fact this year, when MIL asked, we weren't sure what to tell her because we'd got everything we could think that DS want within her preferred budget. So we suggested that she just reimburse us for one of the gifts we'd got him. It was his sodding favourite after all that too and I got none of the credit or thanks even though it was my idea 🙄

I think it’s a rare thing for grandparents to actually choose something totally suitable and that the parents will approve of going by so many threads on MN. Maybe she’s a MNetter and see the scathing comments from women whose parents/PILs have bought “plastic tat” and doesn’t want to get it wrong?!

I would rather have the money and buy something myself personally than leave it to chance and have a pile of presents that are unsuitable.

My MIL does it too and I don’t like it although I appreciate the good intentions.
I want my kids to learn to be grateful for presents that are a bit rubbish.

l've always done this with my stepsons. Asked OH what they'd like, how much, and given him the money to get it. Much easier, they get a present they like and no duplicates.

I want my kids to learn to be grateful for presents that are a bit rubbish

That’s one of the weirdest things I’ve ever read. Why would you want your child to receive a rubbish present? What if it were every time someone bought them something? You’d have a house full of crap that nobody played with or used?

Why shouldn’t your dc have something nice that they actually want or need?

I prefer it this way, I can pick up the gift or order it whilst already buying the other gifts and I know it will be a worthwhile gift not some junk.

YABU. I much prefer this. I think it can be hard for grandparents to choose successful gifts for older children particularly unless they are very involved with them. The parents usually have a much better idea of what their own children like/ need so less money wasted on plastic rubbish.

I want my kids to learn to be grateful for presents that are a bit rubbish
I'd like to see the culture of buying things that aren't really wanted or needed die out really. It's such a massive waste of resources.
Nice for your kids to be polite and say thank you though

Sounds great