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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to not say anything

103 replies

Yesivenamechanged11 · 14/08/2019 15:12

NC for this one.
20 weeks pregnant, lost my job three months ago and money is tight. Maternity allowance won't kick in for another 7 weeks.
Been offered a job interview next week (2 stage process) an hour away from where I live and am currently car-less so it will be a big effort to get there. Industry I work in generally has a 6 month probationary period so I could get canned at any time.

I am showing a bit but generally just look a bit tubby.
Do I say anything at interview?? Gut instinct says no but not sure I need the stress of being let go again (on top of taking legal action against former employer) so part of me wants to decline but I know that isn't wise.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
Yesivenamechanged11 · 14/08/2019 15:30

Anyone??

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 14/08/2019 15:30

I wouldn’t tell them however are you going to be able to cope with a job that’s hard to get to when heavily pregnant? Also you won’t qualify for SMP with them, just MA

noneintheforeststoday · 14/08/2019 15:32

I personally would go for it in your situation, and not mention it until later. That said, there was a thread on here recently - iirc the OP was offered the job, then informed them that she was pregnant, then the job offer was redacted because she hadn't been 'honest' with them from the start. Horrible discrimination.

I'm sorry this crap goes on, and that you're in such a stressful position. I hope it works out for you. x

Original poster
Yesivenamechanged11 · 14/08/2019 15:33

There'd be a car included in the job, am aware it makes no difference to maternity allowance but I could really do with some money and a car in the meantime!

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 14/08/2019 15:35

I wouldn’t tell them until an offer was made.

Original poster
Yesivenamechanged11 · 14/08/2019 15:38

Thanks @noneintheforeststoday I remember that thread and that is my worry... am I setting myself up for more grief unnecessarily, especially as I am likely to need to do a residential training course Mon-Fri for a few weeks which would cause a lot of upheaval in the household

OP posts:
Vasya · 14/08/2019 15:38

Definitely don't tell them until you've signed the contract - you aren't obliged to and you never know who is going to be discriminatory.

Original poster
Yesivenamechanged11 · 14/08/2019 15:51

So the voting is 50/50, would be interested in the viewpoints of those who voted YABU

OP posts:
summersherewishiwasnt · 14/08/2019 15:55

I think it’s the wrong thing to do. Recruiting someone isn’t cheap. Just be honest at the end of the interview if you get one. If they want to employ you they will. You’d be very dishonest otherwise.

summersherewishiwasnt · 14/08/2019 15:58

And you may be able to go back in the future, you are burning your bridges before you start. Any friendships you make would be based on a lie. Wouldn’t you feel slightly uneasy being dishonest? The truth will be very obvious very soon and could mean they get rid of you earlier than when you would want maternity to start.

Original poster
Yesivenamechanged11 · 14/08/2019 15:59

@summershere I completely agree with you, I just don't want my pregnancy to detract from the fact I am very capable and successful in my field. I'm already fighting a discrimination case so by not saying anything they are judging me on my merits and not immediately discounting me because I'll be off for a max of 4 months at the end of the year

OP posts:
Bhappy12 · 14/08/2019 16:28

It's not dishonest to not tell someone you're pregnant. It is dishonest to employ not employ the best person for the job simply because they are pregnant, though. You shouldn't be discriminated against because you're pregnant - if you are the best person for the job, you are the best person for the job - regardless of if you happen to be pregnant or not.

I wouldn't say anything. You don't legally have to tell an employer you're pregnant until 15 weeks before your due date - so I, personally, would tell them then (assuming you're successful at interview)- and immediately let them know what leave you require as MAT leave - if, as you say, it'd only be a short time then this will probably put their minds at rest anyway. At that point, as a pregnant person, you're legally one of the most protected people in terms of employment rights etc - just make sure you do it in writing so it's traceable should they decide to discriminate against you - It's possibly worth joining a Union as soon as you start, too, if you have one for your industry.

Also, on the note of MAT leave, if you have a DP who will share responsibility for the baby - look into them taking some Shared Parental Leave - I'm currently pregnant and DH's SPL policy is really generous (better than my enhanced MAT leave policy)- so we'll actually gain more financially by him being off work and looking after the baby and me returning to work for a few months. Just something to consider :)

Original poster
Yesivenamechanged11 · 14/08/2019 17:04

Thanks @Bhappy, good luck with your new baby Smile when are you due?

OP posts:
Bhappy12 · 14/08/2019 19:16

Thank you, you, too, of course! I'm due at the end of October - which is starting to seem worryingly close now. Haha!

Original poster
Yesivenamechanged11 · 14/08/2019 22:37

Exciting! My DC is an October birthday, lovely time of year for a birthday

OP posts:
blackchina · 14/08/2019 22:44

@Yesivenamechanged11

YABVVVVU.

No wonder women of childbearing age struggle to be taken seriously in the workplace when people do stuff like this. Hmm

Very sneaky, underhand behaviour! Hmm

20 weeks pregnant, applying for a new job, and not telling your new employer! This is wrong on so many levels that I don't know where to begin.

The results in the poll tell me that I am not the only one to think this way!

skyblu · 14/08/2019 22:44

I went for a job when I was 4 months pregnant. I told them. I didn’t get the job....
(All of a sudden, “lifting heavy items” became part of the job role...hmm Hmm It was an office assistant job).

FragileMoose · 14/08/2019 22:49

@blackchina you cannot be serious?

C0untDucku1a · 14/08/2019 22:50

blackchina why do you think she should tell the employers? What difference do you think that will make?

C0untDucku1a · 14/08/2019 22:51

no wonder women of childbearing age struggle to be taken seriously in the workplace when people do stuff like this

You mean bear children?

blackchina · 14/08/2019 22:52

Of COURSE you won't be offered the job if you're 4 months pregnant already.... why would anyone take on a woman who is going to go off for a year on maternity leave 3-4 months after she starts??? Confused

Seriously, I despair for humanity sometimes. No wonder women struggle to be taken seriously at work! Hmm

Of course people will go on about rights and equality and so on, but COME ON!!!!!!!!

thebakerwithboobs · 14/08/2019 22:59

I am an employer and have my own company. If you did this, knowingly, with me then you would be shitcanned when your probation ended. Uptgread someone has used the term 'discriminatory' but that's not true in our case: it wouldn't be the pregnancy that would worry me, it would be the lack of integrity. It's fundamentally dishonest. If your intention is to earn until you give birth then never go back I suppose you could do it but if it's a job you'd like to keep longer term, tell the truth.

I'm not sure if this helps but I was in a similar position about a year ago when a woman came to interview pregnant. She was truthful about it but worried about ramifications. We had a frank conversation and she ended up with a fixed term contract which took her to her maternity leave. The intention had been for her to rejoin us after maternity leave on a new contract (and in a new role) but, actually, she was (is!) a great staff member and we gave her a permanent contract before she had her daughter. She'll be back in a few months.

PinkPanther27 · 14/08/2019 23:05

I've been in this position. I did the interview then told them when they offered me the job. I did tgis because I didn't want to be discriminated against and if I hadn't been offered the job I didn't want the uncertainty of wondering if it was because I was pregnant.

WhyBirdStop · 14/08/2019 23:06

I've recruited a lot in the public sector and have given jobs and promotions to women who were pregnant, so would have no concerns being honest myself, but it depends on your industry and the attitudes there. As a recruiter mine was always to find the right person for the job and if that meant waiting six months, or a little longer for them, or them taking some time out after starting, you recruit for an act up in the mean time, which gives someone else a boost to their CV and some valuable career experience. You could recruit anyone and they fall pregnant or get hit by a bus and end up in traction for months.

blackchina · 14/08/2019 23:14

Of COURSE there is nothing wrong with bearing children, (and bearing children when you have a job!) and I never said there was, so quit making out I said stuff that I didn't say!

But applying for a job when you are 4-5 months pregnant, and not mentioning you are pregnant (which is what the bloody OP is about!) is sneaky and devious.

No wonder women have such a hard time being taken seriously in the workplace, when people pull tricks like this! Hmm

Now just quit the pearl-clutching and faux outrage. Many people think the same. (as the results of the poll prove - so far!)

@thebakerwithboobs

I am an employer and have my own company. If you did this, knowingly, with me then you would be shitcanned when your probation ended. Upthread someone has used the term 'discriminatory' but that's not true in our case: it wouldn't be the pregnancy that would worry me, it would be the lack of integrity. It's fundamentally dishonest. If your intention is to earn until you give birth then never go back I suppose you could do it but if it's a job you'd like to keep longer term, tell the truth.

This. ^

Amazing how some posters seem to think it's OK for a woman to lie to a prospective employer, and not say she is pregnant when she is, but it's not OK for the employer to be pissed off and angry when they find out.

Unbelievable, and as I said, sneaky and underhand, and it's no wonder women struggle to be taken seriously in the workplace.

Applying for a new job when you are pregnant, is wrong on so many levels, when you don't tell the prospective employer!