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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to not say anything

103 replies

Yesivenamechanged11 · 14/08/2019 15:12

NC for this one.
20 weeks pregnant, lost my job three months ago and money is tight. Maternity allowance won't kick in for another 7 weeks.
Been offered a job interview next week (2 stage process) an hour away from where I live and am currently car-less so it will be a big effort to get there. Industry I work in generally has a 6 month probationary period so I could get canned at any time.

I am showing a bit but generally just look a bit tubby.
Do I say anything at interview?? Gut instinct says no but not sure I need the stress of being let go again (on top of taking legal action against former employer) so part of me wants to decline but I know that isn't wise.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
BlooperReel · 15/08/2019 14:00

Whoops should have quoted that first paragraph there.

Witchofzog · 15/08/2019 14:13

I am with @blackchina and @thebakerwithboobs . It IS dishonest and will make people question your integrity. The employer are recruiting because they want someone to actually do the job. Not go off on mat leave a few months later.

Although the posting consensus is yanbu, the voting consensus is yabu

And all those saying it's fine. How would you feel if you were a small business owner and you inadvertently recruited someone to was halfway through their pregnancy so you then also had to pay mat cover. It could lead to some businesses seriously struggling to stay afloat

CoughSplutter · 15/08/2019 14:14

Mat pay is reimbursed, @Witchofzog Hmm

Witchofzog · 15/08/2019 14:21

I don't mean statutory mat pay. And how about the impact on the business. Especially if it's a small business? And the extra recruiting costs for mat cover? And the training to do the role. Even our trained professionals at my place of work still have to undergo training and a lengthy induction

CoughSplutter · 15/08/2019 14:37

You have to factor it in as part of running a business. Surely you have contingency plans for various scenarios? A pregnant employee is one of them. Unfortunately for you, it is illegal to discriminate against pregnant women. So you have to build a bridge and get over it, I’m afraid!

PapayaCoconut · 15/08/2019 14:39

I don't mean statutory mat pay.

Well, if you're a small business who cannot absorb the cost of hiring maternity cover, then you don't offer an enhanced maternity package, do you?

MoreSlidingDoors · 15/08/2019 14:43

*Industry I work in generally has a 6 month probationary period so I could get canned at any time.I

You could get canned at any time in the first 24 months for any non-discriminatory reason under current employment legislation.

potatochips84 · 15/08/2019 14:44

I think it depends on the type of job

I would not do it myself as in my field of work it would mean my company calculating how much work we could deliver and then me essentially doing a few months and leaving everyone else to pickup my slack because the work has been arranged for the year and they can't afford to cover with another person

Sometimes managers can plan and allow for this if they really want you but they can't if you don't tell them

Obv this will differ depending on the field and work type

KatherineJaneway · 15/08/2019 14:50

Katherine So presumably if the man's DP was already pregnant you'd expect him to declare it, and state whether he was going to take SPL.

Oh come on, how many men actually do take lots of time off? In my experience none. A few weeks at the most.

PapayaCoconut · 15/08/2019 14:53

Many here seem to think that employers take on the cost of paying women when they're on maternity leave. THEY DO NOT - They get to claim the money back!!
Very small employers even get to claim slightly more back than they pay out.

PapayaCoconut · 15/08/2019 15:00

As an employer I want to have staff who are honest

That's a bit like saying "as an employer I want staff who are well spoken so I would never consider hiring someone with a strong foreign accent."

You've lost me there, Papaya. How on Earth is integrity (a deliberate choice of honesty or otherwise) comparable to somebody's accent?

What you are calling integrity is tantamount to a requirement to disclose their current status in terms of fertility and family planning. But only if the applicant is a woman. This is discriminatory. You have no right as an employer to ask about this in an interview and that protection is there for a reason. As someone said upthread: where does it end? Do you require people to tell you they are TTC? That they are undergoing fertility treatment? That they are currently pregnancy but have had so many miscarriages in the past that they don't necessarily expect this one to stick around?

Equally, you could have a policy to hire only people who spoke what your deemed to be perfect English. That would impact disproportionately on BAME applicants. It would be racial discrimination.

0lapislazuli · 15/08/2019 15:00

For an employer to hire a new member of staff and then find out they'll be on mat leave after a few months, I'd say, if you're a decent human being you'll understand that this can happen and that it's a woman's right to do so. It'll be unexpected, but if you have hired the best person that you could find, they're worth waiting for to return.

If you hire a man and he turns out to have an illness that he didn't tell you about it in the interview that means he'll be on sick leave for a while, would you begrudge him? Would you say he was dishonest and get rid of him as soon as you could? Or would you have sympathy and wait for his return to work and help him get settled back into the work place?

ginandtonicformeplease · 15/08/2019 16:13

Katherine The only SAHP I know is a man. I know several who've taken between 3-6 months off for SPL. I know a couple who've compressed their hours into four days - and partner the same - so they only have three days of childcare to pay for.

It's really not that unusual.

KatherineJaneway · 16/08/2019 08:18

It's really not that unusual.

Maybe not in your in your social circle but it certainly is in mine.

HollyGoLoudly1 · 16/08/2019 08:49

Haven't RTFT but don't you legally have to tell an employer before the 25th week of pregnancy? So unless your interviews and offer are done before then you would have to tell them? I could be wrong, not sure how it works if you aren't already in employment with them.

AnxietyDream · 16/08/2019 09:23

As a small business owner I would totally understand any woman not disclosing as I think it's their right not to. But the attitudes of this thread show not everyone feels the same.

That said, if I were the OP, I think I would be one of those women who didn't find out until so late in the pregnancy....

C0untDucku1a · 16/08/2019 09:29

The attitude on this thread is the reason the law exists! Can’t believe so many people saying women should be discriminated against.

THe the best thing men can do is take shared leave.

Robs20 · 16/08/2019 09:41

If the interviews go well I would probably tell them. I have interviewed quite a few people recently to fill a couple of roles in my team and would find a way to make it work for the perfect (pregnant) candidate. I would feel like someone had been dishonest to announce they were 20+ weeks pregnant when they started - this is not to say I wouldn’t still offer them the job (of course I would) but it might not start our working relationship in the best way.....

MoreSlidingDoors · 16/08/2019 09:51

Haven't RTFT but don't you legally have to tell an employer before the 25th week of pregnancy?

No, you don’t legally need to tell them until the end of your 25th week.

Fourtimesthefun · 16/08/2019 10:09

Op you're not being realistic.

A 2 stage interview process starting when you're 21weeks so presumably you'll be very close to 25weeks and legally having to inform them anyway by the point of starting.

Then there's a few weeks residential training course after that so you'll be in to your third trimester by the time that completes.

With all that in mind I doubt they'll hire you and I'd decline the interview explaining why. Leave open the option of reapplying to the company after you have your baby.

Cherrysoup · 16/08/2019 10:24

Should men be expected to say their wives are pregnant, as they could take the same amount of leave

But they so rarely would so the point is moot.

That's a bit like saying "as an employer I want staff who are well spoken so I would never consider hiring someone with a strong foreign accent

No its not, don't be ridiculous! How can you compare a character strength with an accent which has no bearing on anything?

As an employer, I'd be furious us if I heard post interview that the new post holder was pregnant. Going back over ten years, I can point out several years where results were very poor in particular classes due to supply being used where there simply weren't enough teachers to re-allocate groups.

I completely understand the woman's right to have children, but Imo, it's only fair to be honest.

We have employed someone who was heavily pregnant, she was the best candidate, but knowing she was pregnant allowed us to timetable appropriately, knowing she wouldn't be there until her maternity leave was up.

NoSauce · 16/08/2019 10:34

I would be worried that if you didn’t tell them you were 20 weeks pregnant and they offered you the job that they would finish you after the probationary period, they may feel you were underhand and I can’t imagine they wouldn’t be pissed off that you’d gone off on ML so early on in the job.

Original poster
Yesivenamechanged11 · 16/08/2019 14:04

Thanks everyone for your input, really interesting to read perspectives from those who hire and fire.
I completely agree about integrity but having been shafted once already for being pregnant -told boss I was pregnant then fired later that day- I have to think about myself and my family for a change as I sacrificed a lot for that last job.
Loyalty means nothing to a lot of employers.
Less than 2 years service means legal proceedings are not as clear cut as it would if I’d been there a while longer.

Bills don’t pay themselves and before losing my job I was the breadwinner.

As it so happens I have declined the interview. So, any ideas how to magic up a few grand before baby arrives would be appreciated! As a family we’re only entitled to JSA for me (73.10) and Child Benefit (20).

OP posts:
Original poster
Yesivenamechanged11 · 16/08/2019 14:05

I already do some matched betting but myself and DH are now restricted by a lot of bookmakers so earning potential from that is limited.

OP posts:
CoughSplutter · 16/08/2019 14:16

Why decline the interview???

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