To wonder why we aren't one of "those" families

[Mypetsnails]

Sort of lighthearted. This is going to sound SO daft. But do you ever notice the families who seem, well, better at family-ing than everyone else?

We went to a thing at a National Trust place at the weekend. Took a picnic and sat on the big green. Right beside us there was this family that had a three sided shelter type thing which they'd popped their baby and picnic in to protect them from the sun. They'd brought tennis racquets and these gorgeous kids and their equally beautiful parents were taking it in turns to whack a ball around/sit in the shelter thing. They had a picnic cool bag the size of my kitchen, no idea what they brought but it was probably nicer than my tragic cheese sandwiches

Then there's the beach. We're trying to stop our towels blowing away, and the alpha family have a wall of windbreaks, a body board, and a barbecue.

DD is actually friends with a child from such a family, and they also have a really organised hallway with special named slots and storage systems for all the children's outdoor things. Plus the mum has a boot storage thing with a first aid kit, plasters, and spare clothes in it.

There's obviously nothing stopping me buying little shelters, bodyboards, and shoe storage for my hallway, but it's more that it wouldn't occur to me? And I don't know why? I used to play at a tennis club twice a week, why on earth don't WE bring racquets with us?

Does anyone know what I mean? I was a very solitary only child, and my parents didn't do a lot of child friendly things with me, so maybe it's a bit of a hangover from that - I remember feeling that my family and home was very different from other people's but when I tried to express why to my mum, I said "they have big tins for their biscuits and we just put ours into the cupboard"

Some kids are easier than others.

If you’re brought up with jugs and napkins you just carry on. It doesn’t seem like a big deal.

And if your own parents were organised that’s your model for doing things.

I think the key is to remember that most of us have a sneaking feeling that we are a bit shit at parenting/family stuff. For every family you envy, someone will look at you and admire you for being more spontaneous, more relaxed, less obsessed with control, or whatever.

There are members of my own family who think I've got it nailed, am super organised and my kids have a fabulous life. It's all smoke and mirrors and they can't see me silently screaming as I try to just hold it all together! I envy their good mental health and wide circles of friends.

I envy the outdoorsy family who manage an entire day on a judiciously packed backpack or two.

This! You have to buy all the stuff (having researched all the stuff) and store all the stuff, and wipe down/put away all the stuff, and stress over missing bits, not to mention cart it all about. And replace the outgrown wetsuits and water shoes and what have you.

Something to sit on, stuff to eat, sun cream, water bottles. And a pac a mac That does for 99% of summer outings. Swap the sun cream for a hat and the mac for a waterproof coat in winter. Add wellies.

If you’re brought up with jugs and napkins you just carry on. It doesn’t seem like a big deal.

I think it depends, I’m definitely like my mum in some respects but not as extreme. She takes her own tea bags & a cool box full of milk down to the south of france plus a portable kettle as she likes a proper cup of tea on the drive down, I pack teabags. DHs family are very much jug & napkin people he hates jugs, teapots etc.

I want to be a biscuit tin person, but am thwarted by my husband my family. And by the fact that tins are always just a tad too small, so all the biscuits fit except three or something.
You eat the ones that don't fit. Hth.

Ah! We are this family when we travel, I love packing! I usually set aside a couple of hours the day before the trip, make a list (from a template I created) and pack carefully, what goes it suitcase/what goes in handluggage, change of clothes for each of us in individual plastic bags so any wet or dirty clothes can be put there, backup battery for phones etc
I’m not that good on simple days out though 🤷‍♀️

It's like those people who fall out of bed looking flawless and the rest of us who can spend a fortune and still look like we've been dragged through a hedge. You either have it or you don't!
Personally I think eating on the beach is overrated (apart from an ice cream) and supermarket sandwiches exist so that people don't have to lug picnic baskets everywhere.
Some of the best trips I've had, involved very little planning. If you go with the flow it feels more like an adventure for kids.

We know "that" family. But when the kids are not being "organised" by a parent, they don't know what to do with themselves. Day at the beach = "we've played tennis...what's next" "we've built a sandcastle...what's next". The kids don't know how to "just be", which I find a little sad. But they are all lovely. It's just not my style.

Although I do own one of these, for beach days out as it makes life so much easier getting stuff to the beach.

Where’s that from AmProperlyIn?

My sisters family looks like this. But they never get anywhere on time, her kids can't entertain themselves unless they're doing something and they're terrors at home, they waste so spend waste so much money on things for these trips too. Don't believe that what you see when people are out is how it is at home.
I am organised though, I have lots of boxes for things but it's more because I have anxiety and being organised seems to make that better, it's not fun, people always say "how is your home so tidy", "how are you so organised". Actually I'd love to be able to let go a bit and not worry about these things. We're all just doing our best

I love watching the alpha family - quite genuinely, I'm not being snide. It's nice to watch people put effort into something and doing it well.

In all honesty, a lot of it comes down to having a car with a decent-sized boot.

I want to be a biscuit tin person, but am thwarted by my husband my family. And by the fact that tins are always just a tad too small, so all the biscuits fit except three or something.

You eat the ones that don't fit. Hth.

Well obviously but it's the principleof the thing . Also can't be applied to teabags. I put all the teabags in a tin, and I've even labelled it. But the tin doesn't fit two packs of tea bags, it only fits 1,5. And then my husband just shoves the box in the cupboard.

I think it depends, I’m definitely like my mum in some respects but not as extreme. She takes her own tea bags & a cool box full of milk down to the south of france plus a portable kettle as she likes a proper cup of tea on the drive down, I pack teabags. DHs family are very much jug & napkin people he hates jugs, teapots etc.

Im not as extreme as my mum either. Driving to Italy she takes a cool box with milk and freshly squeezed orange juice, two flasks of fresh coffee, two flasks of soup, a box of herby chipolatas and a box of biscuits. Also homemade marmalade for my father as he doesn’t like hotel marmalade.

That is overkill imo and more hassle than it’s actually worth.

But of all the places we have been and things we have done one memory my children cherish is the time we popped to Home Bargains. I happened to have shoved some lunch bits in a cool bag as we had a busy day doing boring jobs. They ate their lunch in the boot in the Home Bargains car park...they talk about it all the time 3 years later!! They ask regularly if they can eat a picnic in the boot again soon

I love this story. I am often amazed at the things my toddler finds exciting. Going to Burger King at a motorway service station is apparently one of the highlights of his life so far.

We get comments that we are always have all the gear for picnics but it has accumulated over the last 15 years and most of it (nifty reclining chair things, small beach tent, picnic rugs, couple of towels, balls and games, etc) stays in a tub that I keep either in the boot or in the shed to put in the boot! I don't even think about it.

The best thing for picnics these days is I stop en route and buy 2 baguettes, packet of ham, nice crisps and dips and some cakes. No prep, bung it all out and no waste as it gets eaten. They get a quid each for ice cream.

No longer spend an hour trying to make individual sandwiches, pack enough of this that and the other. Kids will undoubtedly complain when older that it was always the same picnic but it's such a faff otherwise imo!

I'm organised in terms of carrying bags of things and have had comments this summer about my lovely family while out.

Truth is my DP is my DP of 1 year and DC like him, but we are learning to be together no rush and don't live together. Also come back 30 minutes later...DC fighting, we realise we have forgotten passes to event, find mould in yoghurt...perfection does not exist!

See, that family is the one we take the piss out of.

All that packing and lugging around of stuff, and who wants to sit on a chair to have a picnic? Surely the whole point of a picnic is that you sit on a blanket? As for family games, we’d all rather be exploring our surroundings.

I simply don’t give enough of a shit to coordinate and iron outfits for a trip to the local beach or NT so I can take insta-worthy photos

I just wonder, wouldn't it take a lot of storage space to have loads of activity-specific items for everything? Or a rest big car and lots of carrying stuff?

FWIW when we picnic we sit on my 'picnic poncho', a fleece wrap which I wear to the park as it's less hassle than carrying a blanket. Probably look mad but rather that than carrying a fancy, heavy basket etc!

Youre describing my park and beach set up. I spent many a trip to the beach walking up and down surveying other people’s beach kit. I dont bother with windbreaks as i tried once and the ground was too hard and it was more hassle than benefit.

I have a camping table, a beach tent, two picnic blankets, a beach chair for me (no longer bother taking the children’s), tent pegs to hold down the beach tent AND ones to hold down the corners of the picnic blankets, wet suits and beach shoes for the children, spare hats, a beautiful cool box, parasol, fishing nets, buckets and spades, a ball.... and a bag on wheels to get it from the car.

It has taken years to perfect I love beach days.

My Neighbour said she hates it all as it is like setting up for camping but for only one day. Then she uses my stuff... One year she commented on my picnic containing hummus as being a bit and that her children would never eat that. They had their little bag of cheese sandwiches.

One year a saw a couple with a camping stove and kettle making brews!

The thing is, i find the more prepared i am, the longer we are there. The children will stay all day at the beach. Having enough food in your cool box means they dont get hungry after two hours. Having different things to play with means they dont start arguing. Having a place to sit means my old ass doesnt get too uncomfortable.

A picnic blanket and a cheese sandwich is absolutely perfect for being on the move, exploring and for a coupld of hours. If you want to attetch itnout to a full day trip, having more stuff makes it easier.

We have become that family good at family-ing due to lists and practice.

We do a thing, realise we are unprepared or under prepared. Take a note of what others are doing. Update our list (shared lists on our devices DC included too) then the next time we do that thing we are better prepared.

Things include:
Picnics
Trips to beach
Sledging
Day trips
Getting organised for school

So lists, practice and sharing responsibility is how we've become better at it.

Oh I used to be in the military too. That helps.

We're not that family but over the years we have got better at being beach prepared. Have a wind break (and a mallet) in the car because I got pissed off at getting a headache sitting in 30mph winds. My teens moan but still love building sandcastles paddling and and rockpooling. They argue and swear sometimes too. I can't do a good picnic but beach cafe/shops are there. One gem we purchased was a shopping trolley (think granny wheels). We chuck everything in and the big wheels cope well on sand. Doesn't take up much room in the boot and is fab.

I'm also like you OP. I'm proud of the fact that we don't have a ton of 'stuff' or a perfect-looking life. I was bought up to be careful with resources. And although it concept did not really exist so much when we were young, I now realise my Mum was a bit of a minimalist and environmentally conscious.

All of those iems take up space in your life and take time away from you. They cost money. A lot of coll-looking 'stuff' is not necessary. Why do you need a biscuit tin? When a tub that you recieved from the chinese take-away would be enough? Or an elastic band around your biscuit packet? I re-use whatever I can.

A perfect-looking life does not equal happiness, either. Relationships are more important. Having to look perfect to the outside world can also place a strain on your mental well-being. It's often linked with competitiveness and concern about being 'good enough' - I'd rather not be part of the competition.

God I wasn't expecting all these replies 😂

at the aspirational windbreaks, the Dutch caravan steps family, the floating BBQ, and the moodily shot grapes.

And to the PP who said they're like professional families - yes!!

I was talking to DH about it earlier and he says he's going to buy me a pop up beach shelter and/or aspirational windbreak on the way home from work, because he has seen them in Argos and he has a voucher to spend there he says that as paid up National Trust members, with the parking sticker and all, we need bow our heads to nobody