Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm 30 and dating a 19 year old

455 replies

Luciferthethird · 13/08/2019 18:01

That's it really, I've 2 DC's they've not been introduced yet, still too early for that. We've been dating for about 3 weeks. He's lovely and he keeps telling me the age gap doesn't bother him.
My sister has the exact same age gap between herself and her partner but somehow that seems more acceptable when it's the man that's older. I just need a sounding board really.

OP posts:
Lifeisabeach09 · 14/08/2019 13:56

Go for it, OP.
If you get on, why not?!
Don't let the negativity get you down.

Flerkin · 14/08/2019 13:59

@ReanimatedSGB nope by best friend is 10 years younger than me. I have lots of friends on their 20s.

And work with lots of people around 20. Wouldnt sleep with any of them

wifesupremacist · 14/08/2019 13:59

When I was 18, I had a 28 year old boyfriend. He was awesome. Kind, funny, witty, committed, hardworking, loaded! It was so much fun. I got taken to expensive restaurants, bought nice things, driven in very nice cars and taken on lovely holidays.

lol no power imbalance here, no sir

quietcontentment · 14/08/2019 14:12

If my 19 yr old son told me he was dating a 30 yr old, whilst I couldn't actually stop it deep down I would be horrified. It would take an awful lot not to give him a damn good shake and knock her into the middle of next week.
At the end of the day he's only just barely an adult, some people age 19 are still very immature and impressionable.

There is 10 year between my hubby and u. I met him when I was 29 and he was 39. It worked well but I can guarantee that if I was 19 I wouldn't have looked at him twice as I was still growing up and maturing. I'm also sure my Dad would have said something too!

Just bear in mind op he might be fun to date but is he is still growing up people don't just become mature once they hit 18, some wont mature until their mid 20's!

skankingpiglet · 14/08/2019 14:45

It's definitely more about life experience/outlook.
There are 11.5yrs between me and DH. We met when I was 19 and he was 31, although we were just friends for a year, then FWB for another couple of years (in hindsight it was a 'right person, wrong time' thing why this stage happened) before deciding to have a bf/gf relationship. I'm 35 now, have 2 DCs, and we're still happily married .
He was a very young 31 when we met and had no ties/commitments. I'm not sure it would have worked if he'd already had DCs or was more mature, as my irresponsible/partying days were definitely not done!

In your situation OP, you are both adults. If you are both happy with the relationship then just take it slowly, have some fun, and see where it goes. I would think there are some huge obstacles to overcome if it's to be a long term thing though.

Original poster
Luciferthethird · 14/08/2019 15:14

Thank you @GinDaddy your comment actually brought me to tears, it's been a tough thread to read I won't lie and I guess I haven't reacted badly to any of the nasty comments because they're not anything I don't already think about the situation.

I genuinely don't think anyone is in anyway jealous of me I'm sure they are laughing behind my back or at least they will be if it all comes out, there's not much I can do about that.

I will say he's definitely a bit of an old soul and very easy to hold a conversation with in person, he's terrible on the phone. 🙄
But yes again @GinDaddy thanks and @AnyFucker for acknowledging it was a term of phrase.

OP posts:
loobyloo1234 · 14/08/2019 16:00

Everything @GinDaddy said

Also @zeezee3 - are you ok? Bitter? You sound it

rubyroot · 14/08/2019 16:16

I can't believe the responses on here, they're so bloody ignorant.
It does make me think if it was the other way around, responses may be a bit different.
Don't listen to their bullshit op. Some people like younger men, some like older men. Whatever floats your boat.
I went out with a 28 year old when I was 19. I'm sure the dick heads on here will say it's disgusting. But you know, I really do t give a fuck and we're still together now and I'm 40.

Molteni · 14/08/2019 16:19

I don’t understand it. A 19-year old isn’t mature, and I dislike the phrase ‘mature for his/her age’. Someone that age still has plenty of hopes and dreams; and a very open ended idea of the future. They can still do anything. You’ve got two children etc, your future is largely limited already. If it’s just fun, fine I suppose but I don’t understand it.

thebabessavedme · 14/08/2019 16:20

my wonderful dh is 10 years younger than me, 23 when we met, we have been together for 25 years.

He is now a totally devoted grandad after bringing up my dd as his own since she was 3

OP, have fun, keep it private from your children, make sure you put their happiness and security first, last and always and see where this goes! good luck

Skyejuly · 14/08/2019 16:26

I'm 32 and my son is 16. Dating a 19yo would just feel weird.

I just couldnt.

rubyroot · 14/08/2019 16:26

@thebabessavedme disgusting!

rubyroot · 14/08/2019 16:27

Just kidding

Whatnotea · 14/08/2019 16:33

So much judgement......You are both consenting adults, so enjoy.
You are both quite young still and as you say it suits you both and neither of you are expecting it to last for ever. For you both it is regular sex and company.

If I was his mother or father might have reservations (unplanned pregnancy etc).

If you are still shagging a 19 year old when you are are in your 40's & 50's then I think it would be creepy. I knew a man who at 55 was seeing a 17 year old girl - now that is creepy.

ReanimatedSGB · 14/08/2019 17:01

Do bear in mind that people can legally have sex (and therefore potentially become parents) at 16. It is therefore possible for a 'boy' of 19 to be a parent, for instance. Not everyone is absolutely glued to 'age-appropriate' leisure interests such as clubbing for the young and domesticity for the over 30s (because once you're past 30, you shouldn't be out in public after dark. Etc.)
And sometimes older single people who date those younger than them don't have predatory intentions in the least - it's just that the 'dating pool' in their own age group is full of bitter, whining losers who want to talk about their failed marriages, whereas the older person who has wisely stayed single has more entertaining topics of conversation...

Fowles94 · 14/08/2019 17:14

I'm only 25 and I can't imagine having anything in common with a 19 year old. Your life so crack on but I think it's weird no matter which sex is older.

thebabessavedme · 14/08/2019 17:19

@rubyroot Grin you just would not believe how young I look! My well jel friends reckon its because I get a regular shag with a younger man who dosent need a blue pill like their old husbands! Grin

thebabessavedme · 14/08/2019 17:20

and if you believe that after 25 years of marriage.....Grin

PositiveVibez · 14/08/2019 18:01

So what do you think the long-term affect will be on the 19yo male who was used by the 30yo with 2 kids because she escaped a horrible marriage and couldn't face a grown up relationship?

thebabessavedme · 14/08/2019 18:29

ffs the guy is 19! he is considered a man, he can get married, drive, vote, fight for his country, earn his living, buy a house, the list goes on

@positivevibez it may not last, it may be the making of him, why assume it could damage him?

Skittlenommer · 14/08/2019 19:04

@Luciferthethird enjoy it for what it is at the moment. You never know what the future holds. Lots of successful age gap relationships been talked about here.

Don’t think badly of yourself. Absolutely nothing wrong with what you’re doing! He’s a grown up and so are you!

PositiveVibez · 14/08/2019 19:07

@positivevibez it may not last, it may be the making of him, why assume it could damage him?

Because by the OP's own admission, she doesn't want anything serious. He might think it's heading in that way, then bam. Dumped.

QualCheckBot · 14/08/2019 19:10

I honestly couldn't say you are being U OP. I was asked out by a 19 year old first year when I was in fourth year at uni and I said no because he was too young, but I've regretted it ever since because he was gorgeous! (but then, he did visit me at my flat with his friend to give him support to ask me out, so I'm claiming it was the presence of the friend that put me off!).

And that was then, when people were more concerned about age gaps. I don't think some people realise its not such an issue now.

S

I get how

QualCheckBot · 14/08/2019 19:12

Argh. I get how 19 year olds can be mature for their age, and then you can also get those men who have never left home and are less immature at 50.

So YANBU. btw my DH is 12 years younger than me, although I met him when he was 24 and I was 36, and neither of us have ever felt like theres any noticeable age gap. Being interested in the same things and having similar experiences in life is more relevant I think. I do find a lot of older men who haven't travelled much absolutely impossible though.

thebabessavedme · 14/08/2019 20:24

@positivevibez, surely the same could be said about any relationship?

It is always a leap of faith, whatever age, we all take the chance when we start a relationship, if we never took a chance on someone we would all end up alone.