This happened last night and I cannot stop thinking about it. It started out as a normal night, I was putting the DC (DD1 5,DS 4, and DD2 8 months) to bed and my husband was out picking up a takeaway for us both. He came back and we started eating and watching a film. I noticed he had something on his mind as he was quiet (he's usually sat making jokes etc) and asked if he was alright and he ignored me, so I asked again. He just gave a halfhearted yes and then walked off to the kitchen and came back with a beer. I ended up pausing the film and said "Something's bothering you, what is it? Did something happen at work?". He had depression a few years ago when DD1 was a baby and he lost his job and this episode reminded me of that and it scared me, he spent months just sat on the sofa staring into space and snapping when I tried to help. He ended up saying "Just put the fucking film back on or I'm going to bed." So I did and he just sat on his phone scrolling the whole time. Eventually the film finished and I was in the process of finding something else to watch but noticed he kept whispering "For fucks sake" and "Jesus christ" under his breath. I asked what was wrong and he said he was just going through the accounts and had realized how much money I'd been spending and had a go at me for wasting money. I quit work after becoming pregnant with DD2 but he works full time. I haven't been wasting money at all. He earns it but I do the budgeting and work out what the DC's need and also sort the bills. Baby 3 has been hard on us financially and the past month has been particularly tough as all 3 DC had growth spurts needing clothes, my car conked out costing loads in repairs, DS's bed collapsed, DD outgrew her buggy as well as lots of other stuff that has added up. All of the money spent was for essentials for the DC's but he was going on like I'd been spending it on spas and shopping trips for myself. None of it was spent on me, not a penny.
I asked him what he was on about and he ended up shouting that I buy too much and I'm never fucking satisfied and I should get a job myself instead of being a lazy bitch. He was quite loud and the two older DC came running down the stairs. I said to him we agreed I'd be quitting work when we decide to try for a 3rd baby and he just continued yelling. He just went on about how I'm lazy and spoil the kids but don't give a shit about him. I said "Shut up the kids have come down" and he screamed "Go to fucking bed!" at them. They both ended up in tears and clinging on to me but I took them upstairs. When I came down he continued to just scream at me and I just stood for a while thinking if I let him get it all out he'll calm down but it just carried on so eventually I ended up shouting back which I realize I shouldn't have done. He happened to be standing by the front door and without thinking he picked up one of his walking boots and threw it at me, it missed my head. I was stunned in silence and then he just went quiet and left the house. I then realized the DC had been standing on the stairs near the door and had witnessed it and after he had gone they came up to me crying. DS was physically shaking. After about an hour I calmed them down enough to put them back to bed and then went to bed myself but didn't sleep. I knew he was sleeping in the van outside.
This morning his van was gone, I took the DC and went to drop DD off at school and then after coming back he was sat in the living room with some flowers and a box of chocolates and DS ran upstairs when he saw him. I didn't want to continue arguing so I accepted the apology and got DS downstairs and my husband told him he was very sorry for upsetting mummy etc. Husband now doesn't want to talk about it again but I can't stop thinking about last night and my children's terrified faces. We argue quite often but this is only the second time it has been like this, the last time was back when DD1 was a baby and it took me a while to get over. It is bothering me even more now because my children witnessed it and were terrified. But I also akcnowledge my husband has realized he was in the wrong and is stressed about finances etc. I don't know how to handle this to ensure it doesn't happen again.