To ask for a contribution from DH for being at home with DD aaaaall summer

[absopugginglutely]

I am a part time teacher and have been on summer break for the past 4 weeks.
In that time, I have been trying to be thrifty but even trips to the library, to meet her little friends and their mums in cafes, buying her the odd item of clothing when the heat wave struck, swimming, visiting, costs money.
DH is at work mon-thurs and tends not to take her swimming/ do anything that costs money with her.
I find that it’s always me driving her here and there- parks, libraries etc and I’m worse off at the end of the summer and he isn’t affected at all.
At the moment we split all the household costs proportionally to our respective earnings apart from the shopping which is 50:50

AIBU to outline this for him so he can contribute to DDs activities? Is this fair?

Thanks for reading.

I’m similar-part time teacher and home with the kids all summer. We just have a joint account though so I spend what I need. All our wages goes into it and bills/mortgage come out.

What does he say when you talk to him about it?

Of course he should contribute to the cost of raising his own child (I'm presuming it is his child??). Who pays when you go out for the day together, isn't their some sort of joint pot for things like this?

Of course he should be contributing to dds summer activities.

*there

Off course yanbu! Why is all the cost related activities all on you? She is his child too. And you shouldnt be worse off at the end of the month just because he doesnt pitch in with the costs. Its bad enough that he knows you are part time but doesnt ask you how you are managing to do everything on your own?

Does child benefit get paid into your account? Or do you split it with your husband? That could be used for these costs as it is for her benefit.

We found it easiest to have a joint account for things like shopping, petrol, day trips etc.

Why and how does the library cost?

He should contribute of course but there are plenty of free activities and things like swimming don’t cost a lot. Check out the app Hoop for free activities in your area, the park is always free as well.

Sounds like you have a similar set up to me and my dp, I either add the costs of activities into the monthly budget for the month after so I am reimbursed as such or if you know roughly how much it is ask for half when working out the cost of bills, we pay 50:50 but as I work in a food shop it was always me doing the mid week top up shops, he now just adds an additional £25 to his monthly bills to help cover midweek shops

Yes of course he should be why isn’t he?

And this is why I can never understand why couples (with or without children) don't have joint bank accounts. And to all those who say 'they spend more than me' or whatever - if you can't trust someone with joint money you shouldn't be in a relationship or having children with them. even when I was splitting up with my first husband I still trusted him not to clean the account out - and nor would I have done.

Yes he should be, and why isn't the shopping split proportionately like everything else? Work out a budget for her activities and add that in.

Isn't she a joint cost? Part of " household costs?"?

She's his daughter right? Obviously he should pay towards her. Why don't you share all her expenses?

I don’t understand how married couples don’t have a joint account. Of course he should pay!

We have a joint account, we both pay in proportionality according to wage. Then use that for bills/outings/food shopping etc. We both have our own separate accounts too.

Why would he leave you short?

Your question is: should my husband contribute to the cost of raising our child.

The answer is an obvious and resounding ‘yes’

Blimey it all sounds very formal.

But yes, it's absolutely fair. How have you not simply mentioned it to him in the last 4 weeks?

Wow that’s crazy! Of course he should pay!

Why don’t you pool all your income into a joint account where all debits etc come out of and then give yourselves an equal and set amount of spending money for yourselves whilst being sure to leave a surplus in the “house” account for days out / stuff for dd etc? That’s what we do (I’m a sahm).

Bill him for 50 % of child care and you will be flush!

I don't understand not having joint finances when married with dc, it just says selfishness with money to me.
It doesn't have to be a joint account, we don't have one, but all money is family money and always has been.
If you divorced it would all be counted jointly, so why not when you are together?

@Pinkout nearest pool to us would be nearly £12 for one adult and one child. That quickly adds up.

And our playground has had half the equipment removed and seems to always be full of teenagers sitting on the swings and slide with their bikes left everywhere so the smaller children can't even run around.

You could bill him for 50% of the summer holiday childcare you are providing if you insist on joint finances.

YANBU get him to share this cost!

Baffles me when married couples don't just share money, I mean why would someone want to be better off than their spouse anyway? it's bizarre.

Anyway, of course he should be contributing to the costs of having a child.

Gods sake, you’re married. Joint account for everything, much easier.

FFS, of course you should have a joint account for the child you have together.

he needs to contribute for his dc's activities, i have never had a joint account and 18 years into 4th marriage not starting now way too risky.