Childcare might not need it
School holiday childcare yes this needs to be discussed
New working wardrobe and additional transport cost not nessacarily since OP already works an hour and travels an hour a day.
Cleaning and additional food costs op doesnt currently eat lunch?
I have an MSc and the same level of qualifications as DH and he knows this full-well. It’s not that I’m not willing to go back to work. But I would expect an open and supportive discussion about it, that’s all. Not, “Yes well thanks for looking after my DC for 16 years while I fly round the world and work as and when I see fit with no other demands on me whatsoever, but I’ve over-extended now, as it turns out. Therefore, I deem you lazy, so get a job as a dinner lady because actually you have no choice these days, do you? Unlike me. And no, I’m not prepared to reconsider accessing any of the money I have off-shore or tied up in my investment portfolio. Thanks very much.”
And pp hasnt even hinted any of that happened.
Neither has she said both her and her dh are good at handling money. They are not. This isnt money OP and her dh have saved for their kids. Its money that her husbands mother left for them. The father in law has been asked to look after......because the pp and her dh make poor money choices. Such as another big mortgage.
No where has it said the dh has called her lazy.
And missing the biggest fact of all out the op has never said her husband is sitting on money. The fact that she wants the kids money, is surely a sign he has no money.
Or are you suggesting that the OP knows or suspects the dh has loads of money, but still wants to spend the kids instead.
The situation above is nothing like the ops. At all.