Upset - Introduced as The Wife by DH

[Pantsomime]

Am I being sensitive to be upset when DH says this is pantsomine the wife. Why can’t he say my wife? We have had problems which DH says are not problems and I’m looking for reasons to fall out - but this just feels distant, detached or is it me overreacting?

Over reacting

YANBU.

“The wife” rather than “my wife” makes you sound like an object. I wouldn’t like it.

It would annoy me too. It does sound a little detached and derogatory, I doubt he sees it that way though. Has it done it since you’ve told him you don’t like it?

Next time you introduce him to someone, introduce him as the husband.

See what he thinks.

YABU sorry, nit picking.

Does he know this phrase is a pet hate? It's just one word different, and the 'my' is implicit anyway, it's not going to be someone elses wife. So it wouldn't bother me but that doeant mean he isn't doing it to wind you up I guess. Have you got other examples?

If youd said the ball and chain or similar I definitely think youd have had a point

Instead if getting upset why didn't you say ' ok, what's with " the wife " buisness? Sounds a bit impersonal"
As soon as the introduction was over and whichever was out of earshot I would have been asking h him what he meant by it.

On the fence. Sounds jokey and lighthearted but if it upsets you and he won’t stop that’s not on.

It’s a silly turn of phrase and I do think you’re overreacting a bit, sorry. But also I do know that stuff like this feels MASSIVE when everything is feeling shit. I think cut him some slack on this one but explain it makes you sad.

I can see what your thinking is, but it is a little bit of an over reaction.
Admittedly I had a word with my now DH, when, well before we were married or engaged he referred to me as "the missus" to a 3rd person. I wasn't impressed about that so I can see where you are coming from.

This can be a regional thing. Some parts of the country use this more than others. However if this an ongoing issue then I can understand your irritation. He is using the definite article though. Imagine he'd used the indefinite 😂

How often is this happening? Surely being introduced to someone new isn't an everyday thing?

But yes, tell him to pack it in!!

He has done it before and knows I don’t like it - I think feeling like an object rather than partner is how it feels thanks. Loads of other examples but I know why those instances are upsetting thank you for responding

It's grim

Haha. You are massively unreasonable

Ah well, if he knows you don't like it then he's being a git.

He’s from the north..obviously 😂

That would fuck me off.

Disrespectful

And I bet the usual AIBU club that are happy to parrot 'Oooh if the genders were reversed', stays quiet on this one.

The only time I have ever heard "the wife" or "the husband" is usually said with humour and affection. Not said by people who actually think their partner is a possession.

I get that you dont like it. But I suspect that your issues are 6 of 1, half a dozen of the other.

So if he's done it before why didnt you say ' oi knead. I've told you about this'
Why be passive and later moan here?
You've told him you didnt like it, hes done it again and you've not challenged it. Hes walking over you.

it's maybe a regional thing, but the Mrs or the wife here is the norm and meant affectionately. My wife or my missus sounds more possessive or formal to me so I'd prefer to be the missus personally!

At the end of the day it is just a word of difference so in the grand scheme of life, can't be worth falling out over surely?

Introduce him as "This is xxxxx my first hudband" or "....... my current husband"

My DH knows that calling me 'the wife' would quickly lead to 'the ex-wife'.