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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset - Introduced as The Wife by DH

119 replies

Pantsomime · 11/08/2019 22:41

Am I being sensitive to be upset when DH says this is pantsomine the wife. Why can’t he say my wife? We have had problems which DH says are not problems and I’m looking for reasons to fall out - but this just feels distant, detached or is it me overreacting?

OP posts:
NobleRot · 11/08/2019 23:37

Only total knuckle-draggers say this. Yanbu.

Leeds2 · 11/08/2019 23:39

I hate this expression, so YANBU.

If you have told him you don't like it, he should avoid it anyway.

Original poster
Pantsomime · 11/08/2019 23:40

Longdistance - that made me laugh and she said I’m your wife not the wife! He’s central not northern and savingspaces2019- I fear you are right and not sure what the answer would be if I threatened divorce re all the other things making up the picture- just trying to make it work which is why I came on here for opinions and how to bring it up without a row before I spoke to him

OP posts:
notacooldad · 11/08/2019 23:41

Only total knuckle-draggers say this Yanbu.*
What a twattish comment when people have said it is certainly a regional thing for many and it it works both ways ' the wife' , ' the hubby' etc.

Oulidae · 11/08/2019 23:41

Does sound like you're just looking for an excuse to have a row tbh

SandAndSea · 11/08/2019 23:44

OP, why do you think he says it?

Wynston · 11/08/2019 23:45

So what would you like him to refer to you as??

Original poster
Pantsomime · 11/08/2019 23:50

I’d like him to say my wife as to me that hints at an emotional connection

OP posts:
NobleRot · 11/08/2019 23:51

@notacooldad, I gather knuckle-draggers aren’t restricted to particular reasons. Hmm

notacooldad · 11/08/2019 23:52

I know I'm sidetracked g the thread but it just reminded me of nan and grandad.
He used to out on a sunday night for a po t at 8 30pm and be back at 10 15pm and nan always said ' ey up, the old fella's back' He would reply ' ai mrs!!!' and they had a little chuckle. It was amusing and rather sweet!
Not helpful to OP, I'm afraid but nan died 4 years ago and grandad 6. This thread just reminded me of their little ritual!

Orangepancakes · 11/08/2019 23:52

YABU sorry

TeamUnicorn · 11/08/2019 23:52

Well that is an achievement. Tonight I am a knuckle-dragging, chavy, common, working class Mom

(I have a right mix of regional dialects)

perfectstorm · 11/08/2019 23:53

I think the important thing is that he knows you hate it and see it as disrespectful and hurtful, yet still does it. That, in itself, makes doing so disrespectful and hurtful.

My five year old decided that she hates her family nickname. So we stopped using it. It's not even about the name or phrase - it's about treating people with respect.

notacooldad · 11/08/2019 23:53

notacooldad, I gather knuckle-draggers aren’t restricted to particular reasons. hmm
Guess not.

jessicawessica · 11/08/2019 23:53

You just need to introduce him as "the husband".
Or better still "my current husband".

SavingSpaces2019 · 11/08/2019 23:58

the thing is, in the examples some of you are giving both parties were ok with it,
in this party one person isn't.

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 12/08/2019 00:02

I live in "the north" and this is a no go. My husband would not dream of referring to me so disrespectfully. Neither would the husbands of our friends.

We are neither objects nor animals.

notacooldad · 12/08/2019 00:02

he thing is, in the examples some of you are giving both parties were ok with it,
in this party one person isn't
This has already been established and discussed lower down the thread.
I and others have said it's not ok if she us not ok with it.

notacooldad · 12/08/2019 00:04

We are neither objects nor animals
Sure, but I bet either you or your friends have referred to your children as 'the kids' if not you there will be people on here who have but are objecting to ' the wife' same difference.

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 12/08/2019 00:06

In fact now I think about it, they wouldn't speak about our pets so
strangely either. It should be sufficient that you are not happy with it.

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 12/08/2019 00:07

I have never referred to the kids. Please do not assume you know my world because I live in the north. You'd be way off beam.

notacooldad · 12/08/2019 00:10

I have never referred to the kids. Please do not assume you know my world because I live in the north. You'd be way off beam
🤣🤣🤣🤣

Lilymossflower · 12/08/2019 00:12

Not being unreasonable

Considering this one example the s a very small price of many other derogatory actions to you, not over reacting either

Trust yourself

Ritascornershop · 12/08/2019 00:12

I think the kind of person who thinks this is a problem ends up with the kind of person who will do anything for a quiet life, leaving those of us who are easy-going with the difficult and sometimes downright abusive twats. YABU.

IAintWroteNoPoetry · 12/08/2019 00:22

DH does this, and the Mrs. It doesn’t bother me, it’s just a phrase. But if it bothers you he should stop