Upset - Introduced as The Wife by DH

[Pantsomime]

Am I being sensitive to be upset when DH says this is pantsomine the wife. Why can’t he say my wife? We have had problems which DH says are not problems and I’m looking for reasons to fall out - but this just feels distant, detached or is it me overreacting?

It's especially rude if done with the person present;

e.g;

These are my children / these are the children
This is my dog / this is the dog
This is my wife / this is the wife

Not that I like the term at all but to use it with the person present shows disrespect. I sometimes here colleagues say it in conversation but if they introduced their spouse to me in person and used 'the wife' I would think less of them.

*hear

Oh dear god.. the unnecessary dramatics. YABVVVVVVU.

Is it MN? Does it encourage crazy?

Oh my god, nit picking or what. Men don't think sometimes, and I've heard many times my Husband introducing me as the wife. Get over it.

Sorry, I hate this term. Luckily I've never been called 'the wife'. Sounds like an object and I'd be pissed off if I were called it too.

YANBU

I always cringe when men say 'the wife.' It's a misogynistic term which implies wives are somehow an annoying hindrance, and an object. It reminds me of other phrases like 'ball and chain' and 'her indoors.' It's not respectful.

Is your husband otherwise a decent person? He might not realise the negative connotations of this particular phrase, like some of the other posters on this thread. I hope you are able to bring it up with him.

My DH, who was, at the time, a senior manager for an organisation in which we both worked, once introduced me to another senior manager who we'd just happened to bump into at the pub, thus:

"This is Wingedharpy. She's a supervisor at X branch".

And I waited, and waited... NO mention of the fact that I was his wife (we'd been married for 20 odd years) .

I felt like his guilty secret.

Opposite problem to you OP.

To be fair, he never made that mistake again after I had words.

I always cringe when men say 'the wife.' It's a misogynistic term which implies wives are somehow an annoying hindrance, and an object
Do you cringe when a woman says ' the husband's or similar.

I always think context is everything and go with it's not what you say, it's the way that you say it line if thinking.
I also think if someone is uncomfortable with something that takes priority and needs to be respected.

DH has me as the wife on his phone. I'm not really fussed and it's not something I would get upset over but that doesn't mean to say that the OP shouldn't. It's not really up to anyone here to say it's right or wrong - if the OP isn't happy then she is NBU.

I think there is more to this - in isolation it seems like a non thing to me. But it sounds to me like the OP isn't happy in this relationship so perhaps time to move on and find another partner.

Oh that thing where men say ‘the missus ‘ ‘the wife’... I hate it

It is true that it is said so often by men who clearly do love their wives, and supposed to be jokey. But it is quite disrespectful really and it grates on me as part of the ongoing everyday casual sexism.

I have almost never heard anyone introduce their wife to someone new as ‘the wife ‘.

I would be annoyed and would say so.

You both sound sound mental to me.

I say that as someone with diagnosed mental health conditions, before anyone tries to jump down my throat on the "constantly offended" bandwagon.

Massive over reaction. If you sat down and analysed every sentence someone says, I’m sure you could find something you didn’t like. I live in the North and hear the term now and again, but it’s usually said as an endearment or joke. You can’t over analyse everything someone says as there lies the route to insanity!

It is never an overreaction if he continues to call you anything which you have said previously that you don't like. It's disrespectful.

Don't see the issue at all

Wouldn't especially bother me but it seems like its reflective of wider issues in your relationship op

I think you have bigger problems than how he referred to you. I guess this is the straw that is breaking the camels back?

The wife sounds demeaning.
I’d would ask him to stop, or start introducing him in the same way.

I agree with you. It's something that seems so irrelevant at first glance, but it actually makes a whole lot of difference.
"The wife makes you seem like an object, where as "My" wife is a whole lot more personal.

This is a different scenario, but people can't understand why I feel offended when my child is referred to as "X is Down's" as opposed to "X has Down's syndrome", but it does make a whole lot of difference.
Down's doesn't define him as a person.

Overreacting big time

The point is if it's upsetting you, then he shouldn't be referring to you that way. You need to tell him exactly how you feel.
Some people won't find it a big deal, but others will, and it's how you feel that matters. x

Where are you from? This is normal language where I live, it's said fondly.

I think you`re overreacting to be fair.
That being said,if you dislike how he introduces you to people, say to them, and this is the husband for my sins.
It would be interesting to see how he reacts.

Also I know you've told him you don't like it but it's probably hard to drop language that has been ingrained. Just because you feel emotional detachment from it doesn't mean that's how your dp feels or intends it.!

l'm from the north east and my mother would always introduce me to people as "the daughter." She never referred to my dad as "the husband", though. Only by name.
l hated it. lt's dismissive and derogatory.

My husband thought it was amusing to do that to me . Got a bit of revenge as introducing him as "my first husband" , he did get the message. Sometimes humour is the only way to go .