Upset - Introduced as The Wife by DH

[Pantsomime]

Am I being sensitive to be upset when DH says this is pantsomine the wife. Why can’t he say my wife? We have had problems which DH says are not problems and I’m looking for reasons to fall out - but this just feels distant, detached or is it me overreacting?

Dh does it but it’s always been in a jokey way. I agree if it’s serious it feels a bit demeaning.

I would find it irritating. It is kind of weird and cliche.

It’s never occurred to me to be offended by “the wife” I hear it as the same construction as “the boss” - id think that’s where it comes from. My dh would occasionally call me “the boss” in terms of checking the family diary etc. He’s only joking though as he does actually do at least half the family/childcare work.

The point isn't whether or not its a insulting thing to say, the point is that he is referring to you, you are entitled to a view on how you are referred to, you have told him you really dislike it, he is dismissing your own view of how you are referred to, and he is still saying it.

He's showing you a very basic lack of respect and regard.

YADNBU

YANBU. To me “the wife” is said with an eye roll and implication that “the wife” is a tedious nag eg “Coming to the pub Dave?” “I’ll need to check with the wife first mate”.

I recently criticised a male OP for referring to his wife as “the wife” in a thread and the debate kicked off big time. It was quite disappointing how many people saw nothing wrong with it-casual sexism at its worst.

Hate it.

I don't mind being referred to as "this is xxx, my wife".

Around my area it's 'Our Lass' or 'The Missus'.

YANBU. It's obectifying.

I hate it - it's like the men who refer to their wives as "She who must be obeyed" and think they are SO funny & original. It's beyond tedious

DP referred to me as 'the misses' when talking to a friend who knows my name a few days ago. I'm not normally bothered by things like that but it really irked me so I called him out on it. YANBU.

It depends on how it’s done. But this sounds like a symptom of you feeling generally undervalued/unloved(). So it’s important.

Honestly my DH does this. I got annoyed and asked him why the first time, he says I am The Wife because I am The Only Wife That Matters and The Only Wife He'll Ever Have. Since then I've found it quite sweet!

It is casual, unthinking sexism, though. Even if unintended.

It's part of regional dialect round here. Totally normal.

My DH often introduces me as this is May, my wife. I'd be pissed off with the wife!

I can't help but get incredibly annoyed when posters are so condescending towards regional dialects. It is the same with 'Mom'. The rudeness and arrogance is off the scale.

YABU

Yabu my DH says the wife all the time and we are south east! If you are arguing over this (which is a minor thing to row about) is there a bigger issue? You said you were having problems in your op. Are you looking for things to be angry about?

Thanks all for your views and support