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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you should text before you call someone

212 replies

Sparklyspoon · 10/08/2019 22:14

This might just be me but it annoys me when someone randomly calls and doesn't text first to check if I'm free to talk. I would understand if it was something urgent but when it's just for a catch up or something non important I feel like it would be more polite to just text and asked me first

OP posts:
JiltedJohnsJulie · 11/08/2019 11:00

You'd hate me OP. I sometimes just knock on my friends doors without calling first.

Jade218 · 11/08/2019 11:09

@JiltedJohnsJulie tbf I was against OP this whole thread but I would agree with her on unsolicited visits!!

I do find this rude, purely because unlike a phone call you can't ignore it.

Also, I could be doing anything / have family round or visitors and so it's potentially a real interruption.

CassianAndor · 11/08/2019 11:11

Silvery what a stupid thing to say, you could say that about many technologies that are the norm nowadays.

Msgiggles30 · 11/08/2019 11:13

I agree with you 😂 but that's because I hate being on the phone. I have no interest in talking on the phone to people I often see in real life! I dont mind a quick call for something as you say but would prefer someone to message too if wanted a lengthy catch up!

flashdancer19 · 11/08/2019 15:30

YABU abs ridiculously precious!

Aprillygirl · 11/08/2019 16:07

I am such an important and busy person that I demand a telegram be sent at least 7 days prior to warn me of any forthcoming text message. If anyone dared to actually call me without warning I would be absolutely iridescent with rage and my head would probably drop off. YANBU.

berlinbabylon · 11/08/2019 16:42

SOMEONE thinks they're important

I disagree. In a work context people should always check to see you are available. You might be on the loo, never mind in an "important" meeting. I would much rather someone sent me a text/email to say "are you free to talk" and I can say "just give me a minute to go to the ladies and call me in 5 mins".

For personal calls, well if you are calling a mobile I do think you should check first because the person could be in a work meeting/out with friends/family/driving/doing something else where they can't talk. Landline, not so much, although they could be eating but then they can tell you that and call back after dinner.

By definition, calling a mobile that you can carry everywhere, carries the risk that the person will be busy. For me it makes perfect sense to check they are free first.

berlinbabylon · 11/08/2019 16:46

The other thing that is really annoying is when a business calls you at an inopportune tine and you tell them and then they say "but I just want to"...

NO I AM DRIVING GO AWAY.

Last year I was on holiday and I declined a call I could see was from Virgin Media. They called me back several times that day so in the end I blocked the number and sent them a cross email telling them to leave me alone.

AquaPris · 11/08/2019 17:35

Nobody has ever texted before calling me. They call and I don't pick up if I'm busy

LadyRannaldini · 11/08/2019 18:05

I voted 'unreasonable' before I realised that you were talking about phoning, I thought it was calling in on someone without an appointment! How would they know that you were free to receive a text and so on?
There can be a bit (lot) too much communication, before texts etc people would wing it, they would call in to see someone, if they were out they'd go home.

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 11/08/2019 18:06

Hilarious! Yabu - ringing is checking you’re free to talk! If not... don’t pick up.Grin

Doesitevenmatternow · 11/08/2019 18:18

I think you are being a bit unreasonable but if I call someone and they don't answer I will often message "nothing urgent, was just phoning for a chat" or something along those lines.

I have one friend who I find very rude with the phone however. She arrived to meet me and in company and said "I've been phoning you!" I saw multiple missed calls in immediate succession and explained I was serving drinks so had my phone in the other room. If I had the phone and saw one missed call I would have phoned back when I had a moment. Ten calls just looks aggressive. On the flip side she will always answer her own phone and have a lengthy conversation when we are together, it drives me mad.

BearRabbitPants · 11/08/2019 21:28

I agree with you I think it's rude and demanding for someone to call me on the phone. And I never answer 😂. Soon as the phone stops ringing I'll text the person and say what's up or something similar! There's nothing that can't be said via text lol.

SemperIdem · 11/08/2019 22:39

@BearRabbitPants

Depends whether you would prefer news of someone passing or critically unwell via text or not.

“Grandma has died” would be a pretty bleak text.

Tonnerre · 11/08/2019 23:27

It is different these days because now we have mobiles and might be anywhere when we answer.

So we can either choose not to answer, or tell the caller it's not convenient to have a chat at that moment.

Tonnerre · 11/08/2019 23:28

People who do this: how does it work when you sent a text to suggest a chat but the recipient doesn't pick up the text till a bit later, by which time you're no longer free for a chat? Should they text back to ask if it's OK ?

JemimaPuddlePeacock · 11/08/2019 23:53

Tonnerre of course. Reply with ‘sorry I missed your message, was busy! I’m free now if you want to call or we can catch up tomorrow if you let me know when you’ll be free’

Pretty self explanatory I’d have thought? Being polite enough to send a message before calling uninvited goes both ways!

familycourtq · 12/08/2019 00:09

OP - maybe people should send a letter or postcard requesting an appointment?

didkdt · 12/08/2019 00:13

@jemimapuddlepeacock I genuinely can't tell if you are taking the puddle
I'm still blown away that this has anyone agreeing with the OP.

BackforGood · 12/08/2019 00:44

YABVVVVVU

The amount of people not fit for basic adulting these days is just mind boggling.

this ^

Euclid · 12/08/2019 00:49

OP don't be so extraordinarily stupid.

origamiunicorn · 12/08/2019 06:54

saw multiple missed calls in immediate succession and explained I was serving drinks so had my phone in the other room. If I had the phone and saw one missed call I would have phoned back when I had a moment. Ten calls just looks aggressive.

Yes this. Why do people do this? You wouldn't knock a door, hear there is no one in and then keep knocking 10 times so why do people think it's acceptable on the phone?

Some of my friends do this, just wait for the call back! Iwas busy! Not everyone has their phones glued to their hands and not everyone is instantly available at your beck and call.

stucknoue · 12/08/2019 06:56

Seriously? Some of us remember when phones had dials ... with a mobile you can see whose calling, don't answer if you don't want to talk!

origamiunicorn · 12/08/2019 06:58

People who do this: how does it work when you sent a text to suggest a chat but the recipient doesn't pick up the text till a bit later, by which time you're no longer free for a chat? Should they text back to ask if it's OK ?

Who actually texts anymore, I haven't texted from my phone for years. Everyone I know uses messaging apps.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 12/08/2019 07:00

Just ignore it?

My friends and I only ever organised calls in advance when we had very small babies and weren't sure when was a good time to catch up. Other than that you call, if it's answered, great. If not, you assume they are busy and you'll catch up another time.

Maybe it's my age, but I hate this notion of being available at all times. Either by phone call or text/email/messages. I quite like going off grid sometimes and can't be arsed with being summoned.

But then, my friends and family feel the same so there's no pressure.