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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think you should text before you call someone

212 replies

Sparklyspoon · 10/08/2019 22:14

This might just be me but it annoys me when someone randomly calls and doesn't text first to check if I'm free to talk. I would understand if it was something urgent but when it's just for a catch up or something non important I feel like it would be more polite to just text and asked me first

OP posts:
Mintjulia · 11/08/2019 02:23

How do you have time for all that?

FuriousVexation · 11/08/2019 02:52

I'm with you OP (and have also spent decades working in call centres.)

If my phone rings and it's someone I know, I HAVE to answer it in case it's an emergency. Then it turns out to not be an emergency but I'm stuck on the phone all unprepared.

If I'm going to have an enjoyable phone catch up with someone then I want to be prepared in advance. Large cuppa, already eaten or prepped tonight's tea, not in the middle of writing a piece of really complex code in Excel.

I actually schedule (literally in our diaries) calls with my sister. Even when I had an emergency situation a few weeks ago and wanted to call her, I sent her a WhatsApp first to check if she was able to talk.

My DS drives me mad with this. No matter how many times I tell him "don't ring me unless it's an emergency, I can't take calls when I'm in the office" we get this scenario regularly
Him: ring ring
Me: Hi love, I'm at work because as you know I work from 8am to 4pm. Is it an emergency?
Him: Yes it is
Me: OK what's up?
Him: My Xbox controller isn't working

Jemima232 · 11/08/2019 03:06

You're batshit, OP.

I keep my phone on Silent so that the noise of it ringing isn't there to interrupt my busy day which I spend eating crisps and watching Netflix but I can see the screen and decide whether or not to pause the telly and answer the bloody thing.

Perhaps you could consider this simple solution to your problem.

Durgasarrow · 11/08/2019 03:13

Dept. of I make the rules. And I'm making up a new rule right now.

ShippingNews · 11/08/2019 03:47

I'm from the dinosaur era - when all we had was landlines and you actually didn't know who was calling you. You had to pick up and then they'd tell you who it was ! I don't know how we managed !

Cloglover · 11/08/2019 04:44

I hate talking on the phone but I know it's very much my problem. If someone rings I usually don't pick up, wait for them to text or if they do t text, will text back sayi g soz I missed the call and hopefully instigate a text based convo. I would never think it was rude unless the person rang every night demanding a long convo. That's a whole other aibu!

Ragwort · 11/08/2019 07:34

Genuine question, why do so many people find it difficult to talk on the phone. Confused. And why do so many people seem to have 'social anxiety'?

Is it because it's a generation that has grown up only using texting & social media as a form of communication? Like others have said on this thread I grew up as a teen spending hours on the landline (much to my parents annoyance), chatting about boyfriends, the latest edition of Jackie, slagging off teachers; that was our normal teenage behaviour. And then at uni/work in my late teens & early 20s we just spent loads of time meeting up & chatting face to face or phoning friends when we were apart, I am quite nostalgic for the days before mobile phones. Grin

Tonnerre · 11/08/2019 07:34

If my phone rings and it's someone I know, I HAVE to answer it in case it's an emergency. Then it turns out to not be an emergency but I'm stuck on the phone all unprepared.

How much preparation do you need to talk to friends and relatives? If you're in the middle of something you don't want to interrupt, it's easy enough to tell them it's not convenient and offer to call back later.

thegreylady · 11/08/2019 07:38

I find people are less likely to notice a text than a ringtone so by the time they see a text I may no longer be in a position to talk eg
Me to daughter text: Going to shop do you still need bread?
Daughter busy in garden doesn’t hear single note for text.
30 minutes later..
Daughter to me text: Just seen message have you gone yet?
I am in busy supermarket don’t hear single note for text (phone in bottom of handbag in trolley.
One hour later: Just seen message sorry, back home now...
OR...I phone daughter to say the above she answers and I get the bread.

BertrandRussell · 11/08/2019 07:42

If my dd texts to ask if I’m free for a chat, I know what she means is am I free for an hour and a half download of everything that’s going on in her life, so I go to the loo, make a drink and get comfortable with some knitting or something before I say yes. But that is an exception.....Grin

OooErMissus · 11/08/2019 07:42

The amount of people not fit for basic adulting these days is just mind boggling.

😳

Ponoka7 · 11/08/2019 07:52

@Ragwort
"And why do so many people seem to have 'social anxiety"

I've thought about this. When i was growing up 60's/70's, there were Women who rarely left the house. Just before my generation, if a girl left school around 12, nothing much was done about it. We didn't have to socialise. Not everyone had a phone. You'd describe the Women as' homebirds' or 'keeps herself to herself'. It wasn't strange if you didn't go anywhere, on holiday etc. No one would criticise a Woman who didn't want to go dancing/to a pub etc and concentrated on getting her whites, white snd her step scrubbed. So you wouldn't have been aware of social anxiety being about.

We just didn't have a name for it.

Ponoka7 · 11/08/2019 07:55

OooErMissus, "these days" read my previous post.

At what other time in history were we expected to be instantly available?

origamiunicorn · 11/08/2019 07:57

I find phones so intrusive anyway, it's like, speak to meeee, listen to meeee, me me meeee!

The way I look at it anyone calling on the landline doesn't know me well enough to have my mobile number (we have the landline for calling out in an emergency) if someone calls on my mobile and it's an unknown number I don't answer (if it's important they can leave a voicemail) and if it's someone I know, their name will come up and I can decide whether I want to speak to them.

NoSauce · 11/08/2019 08:02

My friend does this.

Text message — are you free on Friday at 1pm? If so I will call you for a chat.

I’ve told her so many times to just ring me and if I can talk I’ll pick up. It makes me edgy knowing I have to be available at that specific time to wait for a phone call.

redcarbluecar · 11/08/2019 08:04

Funny how communication etiquette has changed. I hardly ever phone anyone ‘for a chat’ these days but actually I usually do text first. Compared to the way things used to be (80s, 90s etc) that does sound a bit odd and precious, but it’s also quite practical sometimes - you get a conversation (as opposed to an ignored call) but at a time that suits. I don’t think I’d say anyone ‘should’ do it a particular way though. Perhaps depends on the friend you’re wanting to call.

SkelterHelter · 11/08/2019 08:08

At what other time in history were we expected to be instantly available

Well, I suppose once most households had a landline, we all had a choice whether to be instantly available. If I go out, I often don't bother taking a phone and if I have my phone, I choose whether to answer or not. If it's urgent, the person will leave a message, there's are very few real emergencies in life, so that's not a reason to answer every time. We're in control of our phone, but for some, it seems the phone is in control of them, with the obligation to answer, just in case.

youarenotkiddingme · 11/08/2019 08:21

That's the point of a phone!

To call someone!

That's what they were invented for - texting is a rarely recent invention in our age of technology.

CloserIAm2Fine · 11/08/2019 08:22

YABU

Don’t answer it if it’s not convenient.

If you feel the need to answer in case it’s an emergency then once you know it’s not let them know it’s not a good time for a chat and arrange to call each other back at a more convenient time.

It really is that simple!

ginghamtablecloths · 11/08/2019 08:27

Before mobile phones were available you didn't have the choice and you didn't know who was calling because there was no caller ID.

If it's inconvenient just say politely that you can't talk just now but such-and-such a time would be great.

redcarbluecar · 11/08/2019 08:34

For me though, having a good chat with a friend over the phone is a rare pleasure. I’d rather do it at a time I knew to be convenient than play telephone ping pong with a series of missed calls.

sanmiguel · 11/08/2019 08:40

I understand. I turned off all my social media 'online' notifications like WhatsApp and Facebook so I don't have to feel obliged to be 'available' if someone calls.

Nothing worse than idly scrolling through social media nonsense for a 5 minute breather and the phone ringing with someone you know will want to chat. Often this is at 9 Pm when I don't have the energy to talk to or I'm in the middle of a tv programme and would feel rude saying not right now thanks. So I ignore, them, text at 10 saying sorry missed you, phone on silent watching tv, hope you're ok, speak soon, or ring back when it suits me and if they're not free well then so be it.

I wouldn't expect someone to make a diary event to agree a time to call me 🤣 I'm not that special, but I don't always want to talk when it's convenient for someone else and I don't always have a reason other than can't be bothered right now, so tend to avoid picking up unless I want to actually chat.

Penners99 · 11/08/2019 08:43

Ye gods. OP is all "Pretentious, Moi?"

colourlessgreenidea · 11/08/2019 08:46

Op it’s normal to text before calling

If it was ‘normal’, the poll wouldn’t read 92% YABU.

If only 8% of respondents hold a particular view, that view is not the norm.

Strongecoffeeismydrug · 11/08/2019 08:48

I much prefer it if I get a letter to inform me in going to receive a text asking if I would like a phone call.
In fact I'm ragging this morning because the postman s just knocked on my door with a parcel!!!!
That's truly overstepping the mark,he should have written text phoned then
Text again ffs 🤣🤣🤣🤣