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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you won the Euromillions, would you stay or go?

177 replies

Sundancer77 · 10/08/2019 11:11

Carrying on a Whatsapp discussion from last night with 5 old school friends..all said if they won the lottery or came into a lot of money for example, they’d leave their dp/dh.
It’s come to light to me recently that many many people I know are V unhappy in their relationships and would deep down prefer to be out of it but finances, complications in life, the thought of raising their children alone etc..makes them stay put. On the outside, everything looks great in their lives..it got me thinking ‘Is anybody really happy in their marriage?’ Is it such a rarity? If you had a windfall and were able to make your life a lot easier etc, would you be alone?
I’m also shocked at how people I assumed were happy and look like they have a great life..really don’t.

OP posts:
theWarOnPeace · 12/08/2019 11:28

I’m torn, but realistically I’d stay. We do argue but not that often, and mostly it comes down to the strain of the logistics of the children, and not having much time together as a couple.

I’d hire a lady we all already absolutely adore, and sometimes have to babysit, to take the kids to and from their many many clubs. I’d have a set day of the week for her to watch them of an evening and we’d always go out and have a laugh. Every single kids half term we would go away as a family, and love it! I don’t think we’d move far from where we are or change the kids schools, but they’d be going private for secondary for sure.

I’d pay my brother’s mortgage off, get his family anything they’d love to have, send them off on a fabulous holiday. If we’re talking tens of millions then I think I would give each of my best friends a mil each and I would expect my husband would want to do the same. In fact we might have to have separate ‘helping friends and family’ funds so that it’s done and we wouldn’t argue about how much the other has spent.

We argue when we’re ground down by only talking about logistics, we do any and everything to give our children the best that we can and facilitate their hobbies. It would be nice if we could pay someone to do the karate pick ups and swimming pick ups, they drop them back home to us and we all have a lovely dinner as a family - rather than the current situation, which is that we’re always very harassed and tired and trying to work out who can do which pick up or drop off. That’s most of our arguments right there!

I’d invest in the various business ideas that we’ve always talked about, and help my friends who are involved in lots of charitable ventures. I’d help out the people I’ve worked with, maybe anonymously, who have worked tirelessly and selflessly for others their whole lives.

Dungeondragon15 · 12/08/2019 11:47

@Dungeondragon15 but there a difference between having a happy marriage, winning the lottery and the money causing a split a few years down the line.

There is a difference but I am not saying that the money causes the split of a previously happy marriage. I am just saying that it makes it a lot easier. Therefore people will probably put up with a lot less before splitting.

iklboo · 14/08/2019 17:50

We won Euromillions last night.

Not sure £12.30 will get us far though. Grin

Mummadeeze · 14/08/2019 17:57

The only reason I play the lottery is in the hope that a win would allow me to leave my partner more easily. I would buy him a flat, kit it out with nice things for our daughter so she could visit him regularly and make a separate home for myself. He is a good Dad and a dreadful partner. This scenario is my number one fantasy.

theWarOnPeace · 14/08/2019 18:11

Oh wow iklboo GET YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW

Whatjusthappenedthere · 14/08/2019 18:26

I would want to stay but he would go eventually. To many distractions for his ego. And I do love him. I’m just not sure I could fulfil all his desires that kind of money would bring.

neverdrinkingagain66 · 14/08/2019 18:29

Stay. I love my DH to pieces, he is my best friend and my favourite person in the whole world.

iklboo · 14/08/2019 18:57

@theWarOnPeace Grin

iklboo · 14/08/2019 18:58

These ones?

If you won the Euromillions, would you stay or go?
Lambzig · 14/08/2019 19:00

I would go. And be with the person I want to be with.

Grasspigeons · 14/08/2019 19:02

Stay. He is a bit miserable but thats the stress of life/work. He would be so fun if he could do a hobby business

Welliesandpyjamas · 14/08/2019 19:18

Wow, that's sad!
I'd definitely stay. No question. But, thinking about it, I know quite a few people who would probably split if they had financial stability.

flyingspaghettimonster · 14/08/2019 19:27

I think becoming wealthy would improve our marriage. Most of our struggles are financial or the crappy house, work etc. If money atopped being an issue we would travel more, could buy a house back in england and one here that is worth living in.

ToTryThisJustOnce · 14/08/2019 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnkleWarmersAndPixieBoots · 14/08/2019 19:37

Stay and give up our jobs and travel the UK in a top of the range motorhome 😌

Snidpan · 14/08/2019 19:37

from everything I've observed (and I may start a thread about it), many relationships are weak after 6yrs, it's just that you then have to decide whether to stay together for mortgage and kids, or because of the dread of splitting up and starting again.
One or two of you will say 'nonsense, we're still great after 20 yrs', but you are one or two, and I'm talking about 'many'

Snidpan · 14/08/2019 19:38

so 20million euros would make a break easier

PoppingOneOutIn2020 · 14/08/2019 19:44

I'd stay. Were not married.

But, and I think I have a trust issue thing here, but if I won millions I wouldnt give DP a lump sum of it.

I'd support him, give him money as and when he needs it, or if he wants to buy something nice then I'd get it for him with the money..

But I hate the thought of him taking a lump sum and leaving. I'd be so cross.

It's horrible now I've written it down but I cant imagine giving someone I love a few million or whatever and then they leave. They'd be laughing!

I think I have trust issues.. saying that I never check up on DP, never check his phone, he doesnt hide anything from me or act suspicious. I never have a reason to not trust him. I just wouldnt wanna give him a million or two 🤷‍♀️

MulticolourMophead · 14/08/2019 19:56

If I were still with ex, yes, I'd still leave. If I won now, he'd not get a penny, and I wouldn't be taking pains to hide that I had more than him, after years of his attitude to money (especially mine).

But I would make sure my dad and DBro were comfortable, along with my DC.

stucknoue · 14/08/2019 20:01

He would leave tomorrow, he wants to anyway, it's money that means he stays living here (in spare room). I think maybe the majority of people in relationships over 10 years are basically bored but it's too tricky and costly to split. I would love that not to be the case with me but your friends are like mine!

StroppyWoman · 14/08/2019 20:03

I'd leave the UK but never leave DP.

The UK is bollocksed and DP is ace.

fedup2017 · 14/08/2019 20:07

I thought this was about whether you'd leave the UK!
Bit sad about the number trapped in relationship s due to money.... Our marriage isn't perfect but I'd still stay with him
I'd leave the UK but stay married.

MidweekObscurity · 14/08/2019 20:15

Go. I just know our arguments would get a whole lot worse. So if he wants to squander half, fine, but I'm not being taken all the way down with him.

Ninkaninus · 14/08/2019 20:18

Stay, for sure! How depressing that your friends all felt that way and yet are still settling for staying with someone they feel so little affection for. It’s a terrible way to live and a terrible model of relationships for any children.

TanMateix · 14/08/2019 20:23

I didn’t wait to win the lottery I just left when I needed to. But once you are out people start talking openly about these things and... yes, 80% of the married women I know where staying because they were afraid of being poor.... it is called “I’m staying for the sake of the children” which may be true, nobody wants their kids growing in poverty.

Since then, I feel a lot more respect for divorced people, you need to have guts to leave, as it is perceived as easier to stay in a bad marriage than jump into the void and start again.