To ask DH to have the snip.

[whoiswrongwhoisright]

Name changed for this.

DH & I have 2 children (currently pregnant), we are undecided on wanting a 3rd but I asked him once we have made that decision whether that be after a 3rd or not (once this baby is 1) will he have the snip as I don't want to keep putting hormones into my body (I am to young to have my tubes tied) and we are extremely fertile together, I stop contraception and get pregnant first try!

He has said No! He doesn't want to change his body, I said fine, we will have to use condoms and he refuses because they are uncomfortable.

So obviously the only other option is No sex!

What do I do? AIBU to ask DH to either get the snip or use condoms, Uncomfortable or not!

So he doesn't want to change his body or use condoms, but he wants you to fill yours with hormones? You also have to carry any children you conceive, changing your body? Hmm......I know what I'd be telling him, and it would start with fuck and end in off.

You've given him a perfectly reasonable range of options.

Yep I think lordNibbler has got it

what is his suggestion? Let me guess, you are taking the pill/coil or so.

I would opt for no sex in that case! his problem how to deal with it, not yours.

He is NBU to say he doesn't want a vasectomy.

He is BU to not consider condoms - if they are uncomfortable I would suggest he is wearing the wrong size and needs to try different ones.

Yet another man who thinks it's perfectly reasonable for his partner to contend with everything. Pregnancy, birth, contraception and all the complications and misery that can go along with it. Yet they bitch and moan if asked to shoulder the burden in anyway whatsoever. Fuck that and fuck him.

Yanbu to choose not to put hormones into your body. He's nbu to refuse to have a surgical procedure on his. He IS BU to refuse to use a safe, non invasive and effective form of contraception. As he knows how it feels to not want to "change your body" (and hormonal contraceptives do just that ime) he should empathise with you and use the easy, effective and safe alternative.

Or is it just him that gets to veto contraceptive choices?

Just about to have this conversation with DH because I'm having my implant taking out due to the hormones and no intentions of having a coil. I hope he isn't the same but I can imagine it won't be a positive reaction.

Unbelievably selfish man.

Oh well, no more penetrative sex for him. 🤷‍♀ How do you feel about that though, OP?

You have no right to insist.

There are other options that don't involve hormones or surgery.

Absolutely fine for him to not want the snip.
Absolutely fine for you to not want any more chemicals in your body.

So, draw a line under that and decide together what to do next.

Your only options are:

1. Condoms
2. No sex.

That's it. There isn't any other option.

Selfish git.

Tell him, condoms or no sex again - ever.

Some apologist will come along soon and tell you to have the copper coil shoved up your fanny (which can cause very heavy periods and is not risk free) as it is hormone free. There would be no third child if I were married to this man as there would be no sex without condoms. If he gets out there dating he'll be expected to use them so he's just being a selfish twat. He CBAd and expects you to shoulder all the responsibility for contraception. Nope!

You have no right to insist.

There are other options that don't involve hormones or surgery.

She's not insisting, she's asking. Looks like she'll be presently insisting on no sex soon enough thought.

So @speakout what are those other options? I'm betting that whatever they are, it's the OP that will have to be doing them, not her DH.

Men in the UK seem much more resistant to vasectomies than American men. My DH offered to have one.

My husband doesn't want a vasectomy so we use condoms. I've had enough hormones in my body now thank you. If he refused to wear condoms then we couldn't have sex again, which would be shit burnt as shit as an unwanted pregnancy.

I am so tired of version so this story. Man doesn't want vasectomy but seems to think all other contraception choices are up to a him. A woman I know wanting to come off the implant had her DH complaining and telling her she didn't have the right to make this decision without him as it affected him too. And, as frighteningly, the nurse at her surgery agreed.

You can't, of course, force him to have a vasectomy. But you absolutely can point blank refuse to be taking any more hormones etc. So it's condoms, or no sex.

I'm betting that whatever they are, it's the OP that will have to be doing them, not her DH.

Yes because there are many more options open to women.

Men have only 3 real options.

Stand your ground op. His options are clearly, snip, condoms, no sex. His choice which. The end.

Ask him how much he thinks your body changed when you had a baby!

What a twat.

Well, most places won't fit diaphragms anymore, no one trained to do so, so non-hormonal options are the copper coil and natural family planning or female condoms so looks like they have only 3 options, too, speakout. Especially considering many trusts no longer fund female sterilisation and won't do it on younger women.

Men like him are selfish.

Why can't men just say OK, you have done all the protection so far, carried and given birth to the kids. It's now my turn to be the one to take one for the team.

Fifig87 DH is terrified of a vasectomy. In case of long term damage etc. And I do totally get that. But part of me does think, "but you weren't worried about any long term damage done to me as a result of two difficult pregnancies and births. The potential risk to MY BODY never came up as a conversational point when we were discussing having children."

Maybe this is the shift we all need. Part of discussing having children should be what happens afterwards? What are the risks for the women? What are the longer term contraception plans going to be afterwards? Because it doesn't seem fair to me that no one has any worries about the risks for a woman but the man's tiny risk of something going wrong with a vasectomy is an absolutely okay reason to refuse to have one.