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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she should rehome the dog?

147 replies

CalliopeCat · 09/08/2019 12:06

Please read the full post before you judge.

I live with my mum as her carer. She has a terrier and I have a cat. Her dog has attacked my cat multiple times despite trying to keep them apart with baby gates and such.

The dog got upstairs this morning and grabbed my cat again. Cat had lost a tooth, is on painkillers and is very shocked but the vet thinks there's no more serious injuries. I have to keep a close eye on her just in case. She is laid on her cat bed and doesn't want to move ☹️

Mums condition is slowly getting worse to the point where she's spending time in hospital. The dog hardly gets walked and constantly pisses in the house. (Male dog, neutered)

I try to walk the dog but he's big/solid and I'm very petite- he's pulled me over in the past and is basically uncontrollable. I've tried to train him but mum spoils him and it doesn't stick. Last time he pulled me over I really hurt my shoulder and I'm scared to try walking him again. We also have gates on every outside door because dog will try to escape at any given moment.

Dog has also jumped on my neice who is four and scratched her.

I think it's time to rehome rhe dog somewhere more suitable. Mum thinks I should rehome my cat but that won't solve the rest of the problems like the pissing or the escaping.

Moving out isn't an option for me at the moment. I can only work part time due to the caring responsibilities and I don't have enough saved for my own place currently.

I sat in the taxi to the vets this morning and cried because I just don't know what to do. Please help me.

OP posts:
TheBadNeighbour · 09/08/2019 12:09

You got pulled over by a terrier? I’m assuming something like a bull terrier and not a yorkie

Anyway yeah, it should be rehomed as she can’t care for it properly

Halloumimuffin · 09/08/2019 12:09

YANBU. Often with a difficult dog I would suggest training but in this instance it doesn't sound like you can take any more on. If he is a big dog and he can't be walked then it's not fair for him. I'm afraid I don't have any useful advice on how to deal with this with your Mum, sorry you're going through it.

HappyHammy · 09/08/2019 12:12

what a difficult situation, I guess she thinks its her house and that's where the dog belongs, how long have you been living with her? Who takes the dog out for a walk, feeds it, cleans up after it, if it's you then I would stop doing those things. Both animals will be stressed, the dog because it's bored and the cat must be in a constant state of anxiety. Its not fair on either of the animals. Are you planning on staying at your mums? is there any friend or family member who could take in either pet? Have you looked at The Cinnamon Trust or the RSPCA sites who both offer to look after pets when someone is ill, I think Cat Protection do this too. No easy answer. I hope kitty is ok.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 09/08/2019 12:12

I'm going with not-a-yorkie too!

Is it your mum's house? Animals are obviously a big comfort when your health is bad, so you do risk your mum deciding that she wants to keep the dog and give up your help with the caring? People don't always make the best decisions.

Good luck. It sounds really tough.

IAskTooManyQuestions · 09/08/2019 12:13

Can you employ a dog walker ?

Pipandmum · 09/08/2019 12:13

Yes rehome him. Your mum can’t take care of him and neither can you. It’s not up for discussion.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 09/08/2019 12:13

Ooh Cinnamon Trust is a great shout- they do some great work.

HappyHammy · 09/08/2019 12:14

what part of the country are you living in?

dollydaydream114 · 09/08/2019 12:15

Regardless of the issue with the cat and your niece and all that, I think the dog needs rehoming because it's not being properly cared for. That isn't your fault, or your mum's - but the dog clearly needs way more exercise than it gets. It's absolutely not normal for an adult dog to be peeing in the house.

With regards to the cat, it's cruel to both the cat AND the dog to keep them together. The cat is in physical danger and the dog is probably constantly anxious and stressed because it sees the cat as prey/an invader.

You and your mum are both out of your depth here and both animals are suffering. The dog is clearly the one whose care needs aren't being met, so I do think it would be kinder to try to rehome him. It's an awful, sad situation (I adore dogs) but this is clearly a dog that's not happy and desperate for more exercise that you and your mum just cannot give him, particularly if your mum is spending more time in hospital now.

rosedream · 09/08/2019 12:17

Sometimes life takes turn and through no fault of anyone's situations change.
This has happened here and it is the best thing to do for the dogs and your sake.
He'll be happier somewhere else and cared for as he used to be before this situation happened.

Nesssie · 09/08/2019 12:20

What breed, because a terrier would not pull you over.

The problem is, you moved your cat in, not the other way round. This is your mums house and your mums dog. Of course she doesn't want to get rid of her beloved friend.

This isn't something you can just decide.

Maneandfeathers · 09/08/2019 12:24

In fairness to the dog it sounds bored out of its mind.

Get a decent headcollar and walk him. No terrier can pull someone over surely Confused I’m 5ft, 7 stone and manage 3 German shepherds and have never left the ground. Unless it’s something like a staffy but even so there are ways to manage. There’s really no excuse for this part.

Clearly the dog and the cat can’t live together as it stands. Can you crate the dog while the cat is around or put some babygates up so the cat has rooms it can escape too?

The niece thing could happen to any dog. Dogs get excited and have claws. I don’t think he’s done too much wrong here. He’s probably so bored and full of energy he couldn’t help himself.

Failing that rehoming is probably best but I don’t think he’s the type of dog to get a home easily sadly.

Expressedways · 09/08/2019 12:24

Rehoming the dog is definitely the right thing to do as it isn’t being looked after properly. You mum definitely can’t look after it and it sounds like you don’t have the capacity and/or don’t want to. It’s a sad situation but for the dog’s sake this can’t continue. You’re right when you say that rehoming the cat wouldn’t change anything with the dog, it’s not a case of either/or, the reality is that neither you or your Mum can meet the dog’s needs.

Original poster
CalliopeCat · 09/08/2019 12:25

It's mum's house but the same one I grew up in. I'm only 18 and have been saving for a place of my own but it's hard when I can only work limited hours.

Theres no money for a dog walker. The ones round here charge £15 or so an hour and we can't afford it.

Dog is a big solid terrier. I don't want to say the breed but he's not a staffy or the like. I was thinking of a breed specific rescue. He weighs a quarter of what I do and nothing I've tried has make him any easier to walk. (I know he needs more exercise but I just can't risk it. Last time he pulled me over it was right on the main road.)

My poor cat is so shocked and scared. I just want her to be okay. I have an appointment for her to been seen again on Monday.

I keep randomly crying. I've hurt my hand getting them separated and I'm so scared it's going to happen again.

OP posts:
adaline · 09/08/2019 12:26

What breed, because a terrier would not pull you over.

Depends on the terrier. Staffies are terriers and could easily pull someone over given half the chance. My beagle has had me over before and he's not exactly huge.

HappyHammy · 09/08/2019 12:29

is your mum getting any outside help from social services, district nurses, what caring are you having to do. it sounds a stressful environment for everyone, could you get some help in for your mum. You should also be looking at claiming attendance allowance for your mum and carers allowance for yourself to help with the finances. Are you working limited hours because you are caring for your mum? if so you must start looking after yourself and looking at what benefits could help you. where abouts are you living, I am sure we could google something for you.

FabulouslyGlamorousFerret · 09/08/2019 12:30

I have two scenarios in my head,

  1. You and your cat moved in recently with your mum as you're skint, she's a bit ill and you have appointed yourself her carer. You do help her but she could manage with outside agency support.

Or

  1. Your mum can't manage living alone, even with support from adult services, you've been forced into living there and feel trapped, the dog is the final straw.

Why is closest to your situation?

adaline · 09/08/2019 12:31

Which animal was there first?

KT2019 · 09/08/2019 12:33

It's a tough situation but doesn't sound like the decision is yours to rehome the dog, unless your mum no longer has capacity to make these decisions?

As others have said, this situation isn't fair on anyone including the dog and the cat so something needs to change. A dog walker could solve a lot of issues you've suggested, I. E. Stopping the dog weeing in the house, giving it some exercise and entertainment and also socialisation with other dogs which is likely to help with some of the behavioural issues and maybe help with the attacks on the cat. Cats can entertain themselves better, dogs just can't and that manifests itself in bad behaviour because of boredom and anxiety.

Other than that, my only suggestion would be to have a serious chat with your mum and point out the dogs quality of life etc? It's no doubt an emotional decision for her though and isn't an easy call to make.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 09/08/2019 12:34

It all sounds really tough and the dog is only part of a big picture.

Growing up in the house doesn't make it yours, and nor does not being able to afford to move put even though that sounds really tough when you are only 18 Sad. How much help are you and your mum getting? It does sound like what you really want is to be working FT and have someone else caring for your mum?

Original poster
CalliopeCat · 09/08/2019 12:35

For those doubting me, I'm 4 10 and weigh around 6.5 stones. Dog weights about 2 stone and when he takes off I can't stop him. I've tried a headcoller on him (dogmatic, not halti) and he just bulldoses through it.

My cat was here first too. We had two originally from the same little and dog was fine with them. When the big boy cat died (car accident) dog decided my smaller cat was fair game.

OP posts:
Original poster
CalliopeCat · 09/08/2019 12:36

@FabulouslyGlamorousFerret

Two is closer to my situation but I don't feel trapped. I love my mum and I'm very close with her.

OP posts:
TheSandgroper · 09/08/2019 12:37

A border terrier can easily pull someone off their feet if yhey take a mind to, will certainly kill a cat so I wish you the best, OP.

FYI, if you do end up bitten and your skin is broken, the the recommendation is that you get a tetanus vaccination in about six hours. If you get bitten on a finger, get any rings off asap. (I know these things now).

Original poster
CalliopeCat · 09/08/2019 12:37

Oh and I pay my way equally. The bills are split between us including the rent which I pay 50% of.

OP posts: