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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she should rehome the dog?

147 replies

CalliopeCat · 09/08/2019 12:06

Please read the full post before you judge.

I live with my mum as her carer. She has a terrier and I have a cat. Her dog has attacked my cat multiple times despite trying to keep them apart with baby gates and such.

The dog got upstairs this morning and grabbed my cat again. Cat had lost a tooth, is on painkillers and is very shocked but the vet thinks there's no more serious injuries. I have to keep a close eye on her just in case. She is laid on her cat bed and doesn't want to move ☹️

Mums condition is slowly getting worse to the point where she's spending time in hospital. The dog hardly gets walked and constantly pisses in the house. (Male dog, neutered)

I try to walk the dog but he's big/solid and I'm very petite- he's pulled me over in the past and is basically uncontrollable. I've tried to train him but mum spoils him and it doesn't stick. Last time he pulled me over I really hurt my shoulder and I'm scared to try walking him again. We also have gates on every outside door because dog will try to escape at any given moment.

Dog has also jumped on my neice who is four and scratched her.

I think it's time to rehome rhe dog somewhere more suitable. Mum thinks I should rehome my cat but that won't solve the rest of the problems like the pissing or the escaping.

Moving out isn't an option for me at the moment. I can only work part time due to the caring responsibilities and I don't have enough saved for my own place currently.

I sat in the taxi to the vets this morning and cried because I just don't know what to do. Please help me.

OP posts:
bellabasset · 09/08/2019 13:30

I am sorry you are having to deal with this on top of being a carer for your mum.

When you see the vet on Monday perhaps you could ask the vet about local charities that can organise walking or provide a temporary home for the dog and retrain him. Would your dm agree to this if it could be arranged?

Original poster
CalliopeCat · 09/08/2019 13:58

Yes he's an Airedale. He sees things and lunges off and pulls me over. Glad to hear the rescues are good. I don't want him hurt or badly treated but I can't deal with him anymore.

The sofa is ruined where he's peed on it. We're saving for a new one but the same thing will happen again. The house stinks with him pissing all the time.

I'm just fed up of constantly fighting with him.

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 09/08/2019 14:07

“Dog managed to get the baby gate open and shot upstairs where he cornered my cat.”

I know stair gates are recommended - but that’s why I use doors...

Stair gates are good if you’re at the point of introducing them, because they can see and smell each other, but with a dog that’s actually going to attack the cat... just make sure there’s always a shut door between them.

I’m aware just do it sounds glib... but that’s not how I mean it.

In my house the living room door is only open enough for a dog or cat to get through it if the dog is on the lead.

That way they’re completely separate and there’s no worrying about it.

SansaSnark · 09/08/2019 14:08

It does sound like you are really fed up, and I totally sympathise. I know that Airedales and similar terriers can be really hard to manage, and often can't cope with living with animals they perceive as "prey".

I don't have personal experience of Airedale breed rescue, but breed rescues are often really good at finding the right fit for animals. I am sure they will be able to find him a home without cats and young children, for example. It might be worth getting in touch to at least talk over the situation?

Maybe you could suggest to your mum that she could get another (more suitable) dog if her condition improves enough for her to be able to look after it? (If that's likely to happen).

Original poster
CalliopeCat · 09/08/2019 14:09

It's not really an option for us due to how the house is laid out (and on her really bad days mum uses sticks so opening and closing doors isn't practical.)

OP posts:
BossAssBitch · 09/08/2019 14:16

Nesssie
What breed, because a terrier would not pull you over

A pitbull could not pull you over? Okay.

GruciusMalfoy · 09/08/2019 14:18

OP, you sound like you have a lot on your plate, and you're young. I don't think YABU to consider whether the dog's best home is with you and your mum. Something clearly has to change, for everyone's sake. If you and your mum aren't best placed to fully care for the dog, the kindest thing for it may be to seek help from a breed specific rescue.

WatcherOfTheNight · 09/08/2019 14:27

Hi op ,here's a link to Airdale rescue,might be worth thinking about as you've a lot on your plate right now Thanks

https://airedalerescue.org.uk]

Nesssie · 09/08/2019 14:35

@BossAssBitch Well a 'pitbull' isn't a breed in my country..
And its clear the op wasn't talking about a bull breed terrier.

Nesssie · 09/08/2019 14:38

Whats your location op?

nrpmum · 09/08/2019 14:42

@CalliopeCat under your circumstances I think I would completely understand rehoming your dog.

Hithere12 · 09/08/2019 14:43

You need to do a better job of keeping them separate. It’s yours and your mums fault the dog has attacked your cat TWICE.

We had a similar problem with two cats we owned and had to rehome the aggressive one. My point is that you need to do a better job of keeping them separate.

Original poster
CalliopeCat · 09/08/2019 14:44

I'm in the North East.

OP posts:
dollydaydream114 · 09/08/2019 14:44

You poor thing. You've got an awful lot on your plate, clearly.

An Airedale is really not a suitable dog for a family who can't devote A LOT of time to exercising and training. They're big, strong, clever dogs with a very strong chasing/prey instinct and they need plenty to do to keep them busy and long, off-lead walks every single day for exercise and mental stimulation. I would definitely not have an Airedale in a house with a cat.

I do think breed-specific rescue would be a good option for you, OP. I think Airedales are gorgeous but they can be hard work and I think he'd do best with someone who knows the breed. Good luck, and I'm sorry you're having to worry about all this. You're having to cope with an awful lot for an 18-year-old xx

Original poster
CalliopeCat · 09/08/2019 14:46

@Hithere12 I'm doing the best that I can. I've rehung the baby gate and put a clip on it so he can't drag it open.

OP posts:
SansaSnark · 09/08/2019 14:46

I think given the OP's situation and her mother's disabilities, it's probably very difficult to 100% sure the cat and dog are going to be kept separately all the time, without compromising either animal's quality of life (e.g. confining the cat to one room, or keeping the dog outside).

I don't think it's fair to tell the OP what she's doing isn't good enough given that it's clearly quite a difficult situation all around, and she's young to be in the position of having to care for a parent.

HiItsClemFandango · 09/08/2019 14:50

Oh OP you're so young to be having to sort all of this out

It sounds like the kindest thing for everyone ( you, your cat and the dog ) would be to re-home him. He's clearly not getting enough exercise, he's probably bored and if he's re-homed he can have a much more fulfilling and happy life, your cat will be much happier too.

In the meantime, have a look at Borrow My Doggy, people will come and walk him for free so that might be good for now.

I with a PP, I know you don't want to disclose the financial side of things but if your mum is recieving housing benefit, PIP etc then you should not be paying 50% of your rent. Maybe have a chat about this as you won't save up enough to move if you're working part time and paying rent.

Are you getting all the support you need ( emotionally and financially) for being a young carer?

Proseccoinamug · 09/08/2019 14:50

You can’t live in someone’s house and insist they rehome their pet!!

Noseyparker85 · 09/08/2019 14:52

www.terrierrescue.co.uk/

They also have a staffy rescue - depending on what breed yours is?

They're experienced and only re-home to the right people not just anyone that comes along.

May be worth a look?

Proseccoinamug · 09/08/2019 14:56

Sorry OP, it sounded from your first post as though it was your mum’s house.
You’re essentially house sharing if it’s rented and you’re paying half. Are you on the tenancy?

I don’t think you can rehome the dog without her permission. Butyou don’t have to care for either her or the dog.

bodgeitandscarper · 09/08/2019 14:58

This website might be useful:- airedalerescue.org.uk/

tabulahrasa · 09/08/2019 15:00

“(and on her really bad days mum uses sticks so opening and closing doors isn't practical.)”

Then her not being able to get about is the price she has to pay for keeping the dog... you might be her carer, but she’s still an adult and shouldn’t be leaving this for you to sort out.

“I don't think it's fair to tell the OP what she's doing isn't good enough given that it's clearly quite a difficult situation all around”

But they’re not doing a good enough job, I feel for her, I really do, but there’s every chance the poor cat is going to be seriously injured or killed if someone doesn’t manage this better. Sadly it’s one of those situations where trying your best isn’t good enough if it’s not keeping the cat safe.

Tbh, the dog doesn’t sound like it’s got a great quality of life anyway and rehoming would be best all round, but it’s not the OP’s dog, so she can’t do that....

bodgeitandscarper · 09/08/2019 15:11

She can explain to her mother that she can't cope, and point out that the dogs quality of life isn't great though.
I think mum needs to be made to face up to her responsibilities, this is more than just the poor cat being chased.

Original poster
CalliopeCat · 09/08/2019 15:15

My sister is going to take my cat from Monday. I've cried so much today I've given myself a migraine so I might not be posting for a couple of hours but I want to say thank you for everything so far.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 09/08/2019 15:17

You poor thing, you're doing a wonderful thing looking after your DM and it sounds like the responsibility for the dog has tipped you over the edge.

Unfortunately I think you need to say to your DM that either the dog is rehoused or you go, as the situation is not sustainable at the minute. You could point out that ddog would be much happier in a home where he got the exercise and attention that he needs - did you say what age he was by the way?