to Ask your terrible advice from the 1990’s - early 2000s

[MyKingdomForACaramel]

Aibu to ask you to cast your mind back and give the advice you would have in the late 90’s

Here’s mine...

Want to lose weight? Eat what you want during the week and take recreational drugs at the weekend, it’s like the 5:2

Have frizzy hair! Not to worry, some John Frieda, and iron, and a brown paper bag will sort it.

Worried your dp has been faffing you around and cheating? If he says @you were on a break” all is ok

Haha!! Impulse body spray and ckOne perfume if you're feeling posh. Hoopers Hooch, Bacardi Breezers, bottles of Reef.. Going out in the town with a tenner and knowing it was enough for a good night. Smoking B&H (or Mayfair if you're skint). The more skin you're showing the more guys will fancy you.. White skin tight trousers with Ellesse sweatshirts look sooo sexy..

As previously mentioned, heather shimmer was the lipstick of choice. French connection T shirts which said FCUK on them (my mum didn’t approve-I had four of them in different colours) going out in town on a Friday night. Pre-drinks at one of the pubs, and then a schlep round the cashpoints to collect the ‘ladies night’ flyers. On a Friday you’d get into the local club (down an alley next to M and S obviously) for free and get a free WKD with the flyer. We’d stash 5 flyers in our handbags and get slaughtered for free happy days! Then either dance on the ground floor if you were cool and liked proper dance music, or if you were a bit sad like we were it was downstairs for ‘cheese’. Bloody loved dancing around our handbags to S Club 7 and the Bee Gees and Britney, whilst snogging boys and trying to avoid my sister who was also in the same club with her friends then out to the taxi rank, home for a fiver. Then when I went off to uni it was all student union nights and they were a whole world of fun and carnage. Such happy memories of zero responsibility. Being able to buy 10 Marlborough lights, and sandwich and some chewing gum for a fiver . Loads of house parties drinking cheap spirits and getting told off by the neighbours .

Pubes sticking out from low rise jeans.... on women!

Diamond White in green bottles mid 90's.
Dark lipstick and minimal eye make up and thin brows mid to late 90's.
Dark lipliner with pale pink lipstick circa 1994.
The cowboy/western trend of the early 00's, especially hipster jeans with diagonal lace flies instead of a zip.
The combat trouser trend of the late 90's, made famous by All Saints.
Platforms in fashion circa 1997, because of the Spice Girls.
M&S being packed weekday lunchtimes.
Eastenders still being good until the mid 00's.
Sky tv becoming more and more popular.
DIAL UP INTERNET!!!
Chunky mobile phones.
Mid 90's grunge fashion trend.
Shops closed on Sundays until 1994, and no 24hr supermarkets.

Going out Thursday to Monday night and living off proplus and redbull to keep you going.

Owning a pair of New Balance trainers before it was cool

Cans of glitter from Claire's and the bollocking you got from your mum for decorating the bathroom every weekend!

Butterfly clips in your hair

When you could go out with £20 in your pocket on a Thursday night , get into the local club, 2 4 1 all night on drinks and enough for a taxi and some chips at the end of the night.

And paying the cleaner of said club on a Saturday to come in via the back door and hide in the toilets until the club opened 🤣

Steve Jackson on Kiss FM London in the 90's.

Garage and Jungle becoming huge late 90's.

Twin Peaks on tv early 90's.

Theory driving tests replacing questions at the end of practical driving tests in 1996, I was one of the first to take a theory test.

Wetherspoons opening and being really cheap.

Wetherspoons opening and being really cheap

4 bottles of smirnoff ice for £5 anyone? I remember a very bad Friday morning after being bought 4 bottles to everyone else's pint in each round on the Thursday

Listen to Dr Fox
Two thin hair tendrils to frame the face
Buying music at Woolworths
Make-up compact sets from Argos with eyeliner that didn't work
Glass dummy/pacifier necklaces
Ying and Yang

Oh I love this thread!
Yes to Sun in, awful colour and resulted in crunchy hair.
Smoking will curb your appetite and help you to lose weight. Plus it makes you look even cooler in your second hand velvet blazer/ fake fur coat with flared cords, band t shirt (Elastica Vaseline was a fave)/ child’s t shirt and DMs or Converse all stars.
17 ‘paradise lost’ gaudy blue eyeshadow that made you look like a clown. Concealer on lips with slick of lip balm for nude lipstick.
Blur vs Oasis, buying NME to look cool and read up on bands and gigs. Gigs! So many, great fun brilliant for underage drinking. Army surplus bags graffitied and covered in badges or Nice And Safe Attitude record bags.
Lip liner from the body shop in pinky/ brown colour, suits everyone ( it doesn’t) and White Musk or Fuzzy Peach. Also their face masks, used blue corn?for oily skin.
Kookai , Warehouse, Pilot and Bay Trading for clothes, Jane Norman if we got out of our home town.
Yes to pasta to lose weight- wtf? Drugs worked in a weekend, preferably taken whilst clubbing in glittery top, hot pants and platforms with pink cowboy hat. Once again, wtf? Very dubious outfits. Electric blue flares with matching top and purple suede platforms for going out, out. Thank god for lack of Social Media.

Bodyshop Moonflower perfume (❤️) and dark lipstick.

I used to order French cosmetics mail order too - Yves-something

Yves Rocher! Forgotten that!

Forgot KANGOL hats and bags!
All day since I’ve been reading this thread I can get that Cardigans sing out of my head
“love me, love me, say that you love”

Yves Rocher - that was it!

Shag me bands - wearing loads of those rubber bracelets in loads of different colours. If a boy wanted to shag your he would break one of them 🤣

So nostalgic. Yes to so many of these

We all got the same fake ID for the rock bar, confused bouncer when the tenth person of the night is born in 1977 in Southampton (we didn't live there! )

Making the end of your rolly really neat by taking the end out of the clipper and using it to press the tobacco down.

Probably fairly niche but did anyone have music penpals? Late 90s, mostly met through "friendship books" where you wrote your name, address and I love The Manics, Smashing Pumpkins, PJ Harvey, Tori Amos (always the same bands) and maybe stuck some stickers or a picture from Melody Maker in it, bit of glitter and then send it on.
I made so many friends this way...

I had completely forgotten kids t shirts.

I also couldn't afford the classic Barbie is a Slut T- shirt so I bought a kids Barbie Tee from Sainsbury and scrawled "Barbie is a Slut" on it with marker pen. Lovely.

And the boys reeked of Jean Paul Gautier and had hair curtains, then replaced with 'frosted tips' like the backstreet boys

Love this!
Buying sparkly/denim platform strappy shoes from Dolcis that I couldn’t walk properly in.
Shopping in Bay trading/Jeffrey Rogers/River island, wanting everything in Jane Norman but too expensive!
Saving up for ages for a pair of (£40) kangol platform trainers, and wearing them with my kangol beanie hat, logo front and centre!
White musk body spray and strawberry soap from body shop.
Spectacular nail varnish in every shade including multicolour glitter that was really difficult to remove.
I had a one button trouser suit with splits up the legs in powder blue, wore it to a family wedding!
Had the babyliss straightners with the water tank, had to put a towel on my lap to straighten my hair as they used to drip!
Kickers and record bags for school.

I loved the red glitter Spectacular nail varnish, think ti was called Ruby Slippers?

I had platform Kickers. Height of cool!
Could go out all night for a tenner.
Loved apple sourz, watermelon bacardi breezers... Out drinking age 16, no fake id but nobody cared.
Bought kids t shirts in Gap and wore with B
bell bottoms soaked from the knee down.
Thought I was a member of All Saints with baggy combats and Hussy vest top but sadly no boobs.
Made up dances to B*witched and Spice Girls at sleepovers at friends' houses.
Watched Clueless at a sleepover, bought a slutty mini kilt skirt at Bay Trading but Mum made me return it.
No phone calls until after 6pm at home. Dial up Internet, Ask Jeeves and CD rom encyclopedia to copy for homework.
Going out until 2am,coming home stinking of fags and puking on the hallway carpet.

Sun in ruined my hair completely.
I didn't use drugs until uni, but achieved the hip bones sticking out of low slung jeans look by saying I was vegetarian and basically living on thin air and apples for a couple of years. Was clearly anorexic at 6.5 stone. Made getting drunk easier and cheaper!
Uni was pints of snakebite and black, written off 9am lectures, greasy breakfasts in halls canteen, covering the smoke alarms with a sock to smoke weed and loading up on snacks from the halls vending machines as the munchies hit. 50p for a smirnoff ice at sticky floored clubs on a Tuesday night. Never going out on the weekend, that was for locals. Buying bottles of spirits and optics for our student house lounge. Stepping over the sleeping bodies of strangers on the living room floor to get to the revolting kitchen. Running out of money before loan payment and blagging free drinks off dodgy blokes. Meeting my now DH in a dodgy club, taking all the drugs in the world and looking like a advert for Just Say No for the next 3 days. Buying a litre of asda smart price ice cream to soothe the mouth ulcers from gurning. Feeling cool as none of my housemates took Es. Bloody hell the comedown was rough. Awesome nights though 🙂 rave on!

50p for a fake smirnoff ice I mean. Can't remember what they were called now but they looked and tasted the same. I miss alcopops!

Want your eyes to look big and alluring? A little dot of white shimmer eyeshadow on the inner corner of each eye will do the trick.

You can definitely create the illusion of cheekbones through a simple stripe-like application of Rimmel bronzer.

If your eyebrows aren't one hair thin, you're doing it wrong.

Need shiny hair? Rinse it in beer.

Bad hair day? Hair jewels will sort you right out.

Your parents won't give you the Internet password? No problem, set up a new Internet connection with your free Yahoo CD.

Your hair will look absolutely gorgeous with a Wella Toner and Shader in Champagne Gold, and not at all like the colour of wee.

I love this thread too 😍 Has brought back many happy memories - and like a previous poster I feel grateful it was all Pre social media !
I had forgotten about some classics mentioned here - watermelon based alco pops, butterfly clips, wearing 5 year old tight tops with oversized combat trousers .... I completely channeled Nicole from All Saints in the 90s!!!

Frilly sleeves and frilly shirt fronts.

Polyester

Bay trading

Pleather coats

Being able to blow dry your hair using the barrel to smooth it like the hairdresser did. I could do that.

Pasta. All the pasta.

Long skirts that wooshed when you walked.

Shell toe trainers. Makes me laugh they’re back in.

Bootlegs.

Double denim being ok.

Lambert and butlers being called lambert and desperate. Mayfair if you were struggling.

The amount of drugs!! I never took any or knew anyone who did lol but there’s a lot here!

Former Glastonbury fence jumper checking in That was the year the Levellers played (93? 94?). My best mate got so off her face the night before that she passed out asleep and missed their whole performance. Then she fell out with us and refused to speak to us for weeks as we hadn't woken her and dragged her out of the tent.

Pink snake skin thong over the top of your low rise flares is a GOOD thing.
My eldest son was sitting in the trolley in ASDA, aged about 11m old. He leaned right over and twanged the thong of a lady who was bent over looking at something on a low shelf - she shot up looking ready to punch someone! Lucky for DS she realised it was just a baby that had done it and she thought it was funny then. Wonder if it pout her off wearing jeans that only came up to the top of her thigh with a thong though?