To think this is really grabby- bordering on cheekyfuckery?

[FurCoatNoSnickers]

Ds is at a newish school - he was so happy to have been invited to a karting birthday party - turns out the whole class were invited - details were - the date- the activity-transport provided (it’s a 80 mile round trip) and a request of Amazon vouchers for present. In the last few weeks since they broke up I’ve been updated with further texts from the mother of birthday boy asking for deposits for the karting (£20) and the remainder on the day (£30) THEN that was followed up by a request for £20 for the transport

This morning she (in my opinion) has the gall to request we pack a generous picnic with ice packs and pack extra so the birthday boy doesn’t have to bring anything

I was going to decline following the minibus request but ds was so happy to be invited - I think this is the final straw and I’ll instead take ds and a friend karting myself at this rate

DH says I should like it or lump it and if everyone else seems to be going then it would be a shame for ds to miss out

That is awful! There’s no way I’d accept and I’m sure you wouldn’t be the only one to turn it down if you do. I’ve never been asked to contribute to a party before and I wouldn’t mind if I was asked for £10 for a special activity but £70 is crazy. On it’s own it’s ridiculous but then asking the guests to do the catering and give a voucher as a present is just beyond belief. I don’t usually post on these threads but this one has me shocked that anyone would be cheeky enough to ask all of that.

There’s not a chance in hell my child would be going! £70 before even a present!!! Ffs m should have given ALL the financial details in the original invite. Cost for day will be £70. Cheeky fuckery if ever I saw it!

I imagine sanity meant leaving party rather than leavers party. If they were all Year 6, though, there actually isn’t any difference?
They’re all leaving

@Nosavingshere

Sorry, I meant it was a leaving party (reception age) rather than a birthday party.

Sorry at 14 he is old enough to explain the situation. This is just a get together that you are paying for and mother gets off Scot free. No good to buy and child gets loads of presents. Just take your son and a friend on a trip

Oh, apologies, sanity . That’ll teach me to talk for someone else...

That is really grim. You’re totally right to be shocked. However, this is a social thing for your son and it will help him with settling in and making new friends. Suck it up, put a smile on your face when you wave your son goodbye, suck it up even more when your son comes home totally underwhelmed as he had to hang about all day and only got one go on the track and then next year make sure you’ve got something else on so you can tell your son there’s a clash and he can’t go.
Some people are really scummy.

OP surely you can't be the only pre t who as twigged this is massively wrong?

That's absolutely shocking. I think as they are 14 I would have been ok with contributing to transport and sending a packed lunch, but if it's a party the hosts should pay for the activity itself, and should not invite more guests than they can afford to treat.

If my son was socially secure and not super close with the birthday child I would say no, but in your case I think I would suck it up and do as told. He will have terrible FOMO if everyone else goes and you will feel bad that he is missing out.

@sanityisamyth
Sorry, I meant it was a leaving party (reception age) rather than a birthday party.
Thanks, i was scratching my head wondering what the difference was lol

He doesn't need friends like that. You don't invite people to a party then charge them! It's different if she'd said they were organizing a get together (class trip) around his birthday. Was it definitely the former? In which case, tell the Mum to use your £20 deposit towards Amazon vouchers as unfortunately your son has a subsequent engagement that has to take priority. I'm sure there are cheaper, closer options. What are you teaching your ds about peer pressure otherwise?

Guys - the OP said her son isn't going.

Who the fuck makes a specific request for presents for a child’s birthday ? Get to fuck no way my
Child would be going this , how utterly rude and crass , obviously couldn’t afford this day out without it being bankrolled by others , what element of this is a child’s party’s ? As stated above it’s an event that coincides with the child’s birthday , their is 0 hospitality from the child’s parents
I would be taking my child and a friend of his choice alone , unless he utterly had his heart set on going but at that point I wouldn’t provide the amazon gift card as well as party costs

It sounds very cheeky, but it could be how things are done there? Maybe it is the norm there for parents to
organise an event rather than throw a party?

It may be cf'ry ....but your dc needs to make friends. He really wants to go. I think you should take a deep breath and take him.

Certainly the cache of going to a party is worth something? Unless this is a bottom of the feeding chain classmate?

Maybe you'll/he will bond over the cf'ry of the situation?

I once read a bit of advice from a mother to her newly independent daughter in the 80s; "Go to all parties you're invited to when you're new."

Obviously you need to use discretion ....but it does make some sense.

Something doesn’t add up here.

I realise that the OP has said already that her son isn’t going but.... who has a whole class party, event, get together whatever you like to call it for fourteen year olds? At fourteen kids have very defined groups of friends of their own, which the parents are rarely involved with. This isn’t reception where you invite everyone, the child in question won’t be friends with all the other kids, the parents won’t have the phone numbers for all the parents. They just don’t.

Added to which there’s the cost: £20 per person deposit? For a class of around 30 kids that’s £600 for starters. Then factor in another £50 per child for the transport and the rest of the party? So all in all that’s £2100. Really?

Lol! Sorry, that’s not an invite.. that’s a piss take.

And it's not even his birthday!

I wonder also whether CF has a personal relationship with the owner of this place.

God, how embarrassing.
We once got invited to a posh Christmas house party, in tiny letters at the bottom of the invite it said "Tickets £300 per couple".
we still laugh about it now.

A private house or stately home?

Someone here is having a laugh. I suspect it is the OP.

New school. Let him go. But never again. She is CF.

It's a bloody disgrace and happened when dd was in Y8. The mother of another lovely girl rang me up because she was a single parent and it was insurmountable. I helped her out on the basis that her child shouldn't be disadvantaged and the party girl should have a good birthday.

I think the mother was trying to make sure her child had what the others had and it was all just a bit clumsy. The birthday girl was lovely and some of us made sure it got glossed over.

That is unbelievable! Since when did other people pay for your child's birthday party?! I would research how much the karting actually costs, that seems way too expensive! Her grabby hands must be looking to be making a profit!

I agree.Bloody ridiculous.But its his new school.But never again