To think this is really grabby- bordering on cheekyfuckery?

[FurCoatNoSnickers]

Ds is at a newish school - he was so happy to have been invited to a karting birthday party - turns out the whole class were invited - details were - the date- the activity-transport provided (it’s a 80 mile round trip) and a request of Amazon vouchers for present. In the last few weeks since they broke up I’ve been updated with further texts from the mother of birthday boy asking for deposits for the karting (£20) and the remainder on the day (£30) THEN that was followed up by a request for £20 for the transport

This morning she (in my opinion) has the gall to request we pack a generous picnic with ice packs and pack extra so the birthday boy doesn’t have to bring anything

I was going to decline following the minibus request but ds was so happy to be invited - I think this is the final straw and I’ll instead take ds and a friend karting myself at this rate


DH says I should like it or lump it and if everyone else seems to be going then it would be a shame for ds to miss out

[CatkinToadflax]

Missing the point here....but I'm transfixed by the idea that 30+ teenagers have been asked to pack extra in their picnics for the birthday boy....HOW MUCH DOES THIS KID EAT?????

[madcatladyforever]

If you can afford it and DS is really looking forward to it then fine but thi is a really disgusting way to behave. I'm suprised you haven't been asked to make the cake too.
A "friend" used to do this too, unknown to us used to arrange events and we'd all give her money to go then we found out she was massively over charging us and pocketing hundreds of pounds each time.
We were fecking furious at being used like this and all dumped her as a friend but not before she had recarpeted and refurbished her entire house.

[katewhinesalot]

Irrelevant, it’s the demand to prop up someone else’s birthday choice that is the issue imo

Correction

Irrelevant, it’s the demand to prop up someone else’s birthday choice that is the issue imo

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

A while class party at 14 sounds strange aswell. Surely he should be inviting his actual friends.

She has clearly invited too many to actually afford it and is a massive CF!

Wrong way of looking at it. Her entire plan from the start was to invite as many people as possible. Why else would you invite the whole class at age 14? The more people, the more profit she makes.

The boy's birthday/captaincy are irrelevant and are being used as nothing more than an excuse to make parents feel less comfortable turning it down and to be able to use the word 'invitation' and get people to say yes, so that they don't feel able to pull out once they hear the amount being charged.

Nothing wrong with organising an event and inviting classmates to come along if they want to, but you state upfront what the charge will be. If you factor in a modest profit meaning that your child effectively gets to go free of charge in exchange for all your time in organising it, I don't think most people would complain; but if you more than double the actual cost, people will say No straightaway and your scheme will fail instantly.

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

Missing the point here....but I'm transfixed by the idea that 30+ teenagers have been asked to pack extra in their picnics for the birthday boy....HOW MUCH DOES THIS KID EAT?????

Standard amount, I expect. the remainder will be collected up (cool boxes waiting ready) and taken home to see the whole family fed for the week.

Oh, and additional cash 'contributions' will also be required to go towards the costs of the 'excess food disposal' service

[Hobbesmanc]

Just out of interest, is it a fee paying or same sex school?

[GrouchoMrx]

dontdoubtyourself Thu 08-Aug-19 12:20:19
Whole class party and texting other mums at 14? Sure.

My thoughts exactly.

[Ellie56]

A whole class birthday party at 14?

[Sweetpea55]

Taking extra to feed the birthday boy. It will look great if everyone takes an extra filled bread bun. Then he'll end up with 14 buns and sod all else

[Effiedg]

Mylene Klass moaned about children's birthday parties - www.theguardian.com/culture/2015/feb/05/myleene-klass-birthday-gift-present-daughter-school-kindle

[Drum2018]

So glad you saw sense and your Ds is not going to this circus of a 'birthday' party. Some people are beyond cheeky. I truly hope that loads pull out and that the gobshites who are stupid enough to let their kids go have to pay another fortune on top of the fortune already demanded. It might teach them not to be so fucking gullible in future.

[BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil]

Sometimes I wonder if I live on a different planet... I know literally no one who would dream of doing this. CF of the highest order.

[timshelthechoice]

I'd have backed out at the 'pay for it AND give me presents' message.

[CorBlimeyGovenor]

She had to ask for 'contributions'? Contributions or the entire cost and more. How much is she contributing to the whole affair?

[Anniecott]

I'm going to come at this from a completely different angle.
I feel sorry for the boy who's 'party' it is, yes, it is unusual at 14 to have a class party but my autistic 14 yr old son would've loved one and yes it may be unusual for the mum to organise a 14 yr old party but again I would have had to do so as he wasn't capable of doing so. Ok NO I wouldn't personally have done what she has done in the way she has done it but I really hope that this 'birthday boy' doesn't get left out in the cold because of his mum and that he gets to enjoy his day.

[YouTheCat]

It doesn't sound like he's the sort to be left out if he's house captain. And his birthday isn't actually until December.

[MamaGee09]

Invited to a party that you need to pay for yourself , how ridiculous.

My dd had a day out at a roller skating disco place near us for her 15th birthday, she arranged it all by texts to other girls, I paid for everything from cans of juice to their time at the roller disco, we invited them so wouldn’t have expected any other child/parent to pay.

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

After all this his birthday is in December?!?!?! So why does he need Amazon vouchers and the special picnic?

I think the following would be fine:-

“Hi All, Fred was thinking that a group trip to the go karting would be fun. It costs £XXX to hire it out for the afternoon which works out at £XX or less each as long as at least 20 come. Or the kids could just have 3 goes each for £XX.It’s about 80 mins drive so we could look at hiring a bus / minibus / lift sharing depending on how many come. Food is seriously expensive there so some kind of “sharing picnic” would be fun. Anyway - let me know if your child,is interested - I’m happy to organise. Best Lucy”

But this is very different.....

[CorBlimeyGovenor]

It sounds more like a hen do that I once went on. Friend had been my bridesmaid ( yet had organised very little for my hen do. I actually paid for the activities for everyone, drinks and my own meal). When it came to her hen do, it was organised by her sister (chief bridesmaid) and was very extravagant. Private room at good restaurant, activities, aft tea,clubbing/VIP area. We were asked to cover all her costs Inc her outfit. Then her sister took it upon herself to buy props for us (and a fancy dress outfit for her and her sister (my friend). We kept getting billed for everything. Every 50p owed had to be paid. The worst came the next day at brunch when my friend's mother told us all that we should all contribute £3.50 each to buy her other daughter (the bridesmaid) a bouquet to thank her for organising her sister's hen do! She had a list ready to tick off all our names. The was the final straw for me. Who on earth expects others to pay for a big bouquet of flowers for one daughter to give to their other daughter! I'd spent almost £300 quid at that point on the weekend. I thought that it was the cheekiest thing ever of their mother to demand.

[Tensixtysix]

Is this a 'posh' thing? Making others pay for the birthday boy/girl party?
And why are the parents involved? Most teenagers sort things out by themselves.
Sounds dodgy and as the OP says 'grabby'!

[NKFell]

My niece went karting with her 'hobby' friends (about 30-40 children) and it was £15 for travel by coach and £20 for karting- all food and drink was paid for by the karting place and they did a discount for such a large booking, the place is usually £30 pp. I honestly can't see how this family aren't making a profit!

[MrsGrammaticus]

I'd text her.....just want to clarify is this outing a Birthday or a Self pay class activity? Most unusual to ask guests to fully pay for a birthday treat really. I'm afraid we may to pull out due to budget constraints sadly. Thanks anyway and hope the day goes well!

[mothertoo]

I think this is out of order! if you are going to send him to the party then definitely DO NOT buy a gift/voucher ! x

[sanityisamyth]

I did a leaving party for my son when he left his school in July. I made it very clear that it was a leaving party, not a leaving party. It cost me quite a lot as the whole year was invited and I paid slightly extra for food. It wasn't karting but it was a good day out, outdoor type place. I also said siblings could come. I'm a single mum and paid for the whole lot.

She's taking the piss OP. I wouldn't bother attending.

[EllebellyBeeblebrox]

No no and no that is the absolute epitome of cheeky fuckery.