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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is really grabby- bordering on cheekyfuckery?

272 replies

FurCoatNoSnickers · 08/08/2019 12:01

Ds is at a newish school - he was so happy to have been invited to a karting birthday party - turns out the whole class were invited - details were - the date- the activity-transport provided (it’s a 80 mile round trip) and a request of Amazon vouchers for present. In the last few weeks since they broke up I’ve been updated with further texts from the mother of birthday boy asking for deposits for the karting (£20) and the remainder on the day (£30) THEN that was followed up by a request for £20 for the transport Hmm

This morning she (in my opinion) has the gall to request we pack a generous picnic with ice packs and pack extra so the birthday boy doesn’t have to bring anything

I was going to decline following the minibus request but ds was so happy to be invited - I think this is the final straw and I’ll instead take ds and a friend karting myself at this rate

DH says I should like it or lump it and if everyone else seems to be going then it would be a shame for ds to miss out

OP posts:
Groovee · 09/08/2019 15:20

Wait a mo... who is sacrificing his birthday in December? Birthday boy? I'm confused!

joey197860 · 09/08/2019 17:30

Very cheeky, very grabbing. I wonder how many will go to next year's "party"?

Sb74 · 09/08/2019 17:33

I’ve never heard anything so unbelievably cheeky in my life! (Probably have but sounds more impactful). But seriously who does that? Cheeky cow. If your son wants to go I guess you have to go along with this. I would invite her son over for a sleepover and I would send an invoice to her for food, dish washer tablets, washing tablets, water, use of plates, bedding, electricity ... you get the gist! Unbelievable.

SAHM2019 · 09/08/2019 17:36

I would just RSVP saying he won't be able to make it. I don't have teenagers, mine are primary aged and I've never experienced a party where we've been asked to provide the food and contribute money towards travel/party... but I have said no when parties are far away and it's not been doable for me to take them. Even though it seems like all the other kids are going, you'll probably find that your son isn't the only one who doesn't go (if he doesn't go). I really don't like these kinds of requests because it's not inclusive to all kids. Not all parents can afford this and even if they can, they may feel exactly like you do and not want to.

Beautiful3 · 09/08/2019 17:38

I would explain to your son that it's not a birthday invitation but to pay to go on a trip. You didn't realise, and it's expensive. So he's not going but can go on x date and bring a mate.

Tessabelle74 · 09/08/2019 17:40

If she wanted you to pay for the trip then no way she should be expecting a gift too! Definitely cf!

Jack80 · 09/08/2019 17:40

Go karting is expensive but I would never ask for money off guests, I think I would take my child and a friend separate as £50 is still steep even with out paying the transport. It's not a party as you are paying for your child to go.

Winterlife · 09/08/2019 17:42

I'd ask that this thread be deleted. You've made your decision, but the facts, unless you've changed them significantly, are recognizable.

DodgeRainClouds · 09/08/2019 17:51

My kids have never been invited to a party that I have had to pay for!! They have been to climbing parties, trampoline parks, soft plays, swimming, discos, entertainers etc The parties they have enjoyed the most have been in peoples houses so less money spent the better I say. The mum is very cheeky!!

Oliversmumsarmy · 09/08/2019 17:51

Tell her that he will meet them there and book a go karting session separately so no need for any payment

helpIhateclothesshopping · 09/08/2019 17:53

I think turn down the invite and book your own karting another time. It may be worth inviting a few kids over for an end of summer BBQ if he wants to get to know them better

manicmij · 09/08/2019 17:55

So when did holding a birthday party change to the guests having to pay for everything, provide a specific gift and also feed the star of the show. Sounds to me like a class outing and a bit of a cheek asking everyone in the class to provide vouchers. Say 25 in class with £10 each, that is a heck of an amount he will gather in. For what; allowing the class to have a day out. A not on for me!

septemberismyfavouritemonth · 09/08/2019 17:57

literally gob smacked!

TinklyLittleLaugh · 09/08/2019 17:57

I think something like this depends on the circumstances. At a similar age DS and his small group of friends were in a little circle of having nice, fairly indulgent parties for a small group, paid for by the birthday boy’s parents.

One of his mates invited him to a birthday party of cinema and maccy’s, but wanted him to pay for the cinema. I overheard DS and his bestie having a right bitch that you shouldn’t have to pay to go to parties. I pointed out that their friend’s mum was a hardworking single mum (she actually worked in maccy’s) and possibly wasn’t earning much more than the price of a cinema ticket per hour. And they were all fairly affluent middle class boys from comfortably off families.

In this scenario, I had no issue paying for my son’s ticket so that his mate could have a nice party. OP is dealing with a cheeky fucker though.

Eva2020 · 09/08/2019 17:59

Brilliant idea.

cherish123 · 09/08/2019 18:03

YANBU - she is being grabby. She wants her child to have a fancy party but not enough to pay for it herself. I wonder if she underbudgetted! It is, in effect, not a party. It is a day out that she is organising. I've never ever been asked to contribute to attending a party. I can't believe she also asked you to contribute to her child's picnic. Is she actually paying for anything? Asking for Amazon vouchers is also rude. She clearly has no social etiquette. Having said that, your husband is right. Just let son go and lump it. I probably wouldn't want anything to do with the mother after this. I wouldn't give Amazon vouchers but another (very small) present of your choice - a book. If she says anything (which, given her blatant rudeness, she probably will) just say you have had enough expense on this party. I would give a token present because it's not the child's fault he has an awful mother and it shows you have standards even if they don't.

Eva2020 · 09/08/2019 18:04

Yikes, you've been put in a dreadful position. This woman has a brass neck for sure. How does your son feel about it?
At 14 all you want to do is fit in. Will he be ostracised for not going? I dont envy your decision at all.

Plus who in their right mind would want to take 30 teens out for the day.? Brace yourself for the next email summoning parents to police the event !!

HeadintheiClouds · 09/08/2019 18:04

But this appears not to be the boy’s birthday, but a celebration of his having been made House Captain Grin. His birthday is in December?
I wonder did she have a brass band in the playground at pickup time when he was Star of the Week in Reception?

HappyLoneParentDay · 09/08/2019 18:08

Have t got time to read full thread but I'm outraged at not just the cheek of her, but the fact that everyone else is just going along with it!?! Angry

PLEASE tell her how cheeky she's being. Nice PA text

Winniethepee · 09/08/2019 18:11

Discuss with teenage son the intricacies of cheeky fuckery....a useful life lesson,and arrange an alternative fun day out with a mate.

cherish123 · 09/08/2019 18:15

£20 is also very steep for transport. I know it's expensive to hire a bus. I would drive him and offer a lift to a couple of classmates so DS is not on his own

Celestine70 · 09/08/2019 18:39

I wouldn't pay and I bet not everyone is going. My dd goes to tloads to these type of parties and we are not asked to pay. For exaple, she went to Bristol Zoo recently. The parents of the birthday girl organised everything and the transport and paid for everything. Alll my daugther was asked to take was a refillable water bottle. Tomorrow she is gong to another birthday ice skating. Again she has been asked to take nothing. The parents of the birthday girl are paying and organised the transport. If the parents of the birthday boy can't afford this they shouldn't be holding it or should only invite as many as they can afford to pay for.

TheQueenInTheNorth · 09/08/2019 18:42

My 13 year old got invited to a go karting birthday do last year, his friend invited my son plus another friend, the boys all got fed there and transport was provided and all I paid for was a card and a present and was told thanks for the present but I didn't have to Smile

fluffiny31 · 09/08/2019 18:43

fargo are you the one working for the sun?

Nosavingshere · 09/08/2019 18:43

@sanityisamyth
I made it very clear that it was a leaving party, not a leaving party.
What’s the difference between a leaving party or a leaving party?

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