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God must be playing a really sick joke on me.
128

mothernatureq · 07/08/2019 16:54

This all just seems like one huge cruel joke. I last had sex (unprotected) in January and my period was late 2 weeks later. I did a pregnancy test which was a BFN and then got my period soon after, massive relief. I then moved on with my life, got a new job and moved back in with my DM who is ill. My periods have been like clockwork ever since, and I've had no bump whatsoever.

About a week ago I woke up feeling severely bloated and gassy/burpy. I remember thinking "Jesus christ I look pregnant." Ha. Went on a long walk to try and relieve it and it didn't help. It got progressively worse over the week and eventually I went to the doctor. He felt my abdomen and said I felt like I was in the late second trimester/early third trimester of pregnancy! I insisted it was impossible and he referred me for an emergency ultrasound at the hospital the next day. I went feeling sick expecting them to find a baby size tumor or something.

Nope, just a baby. A perfectly healthy girl, apparently. I'm due around Halloween. This was 2 days ago and it still hasn't sunk in. I've told my DM, who is shocked but delighted. I've told my sister and she has been lovely, but I just feel an impending sense of dread. It feels like someone is pranking me, I got a BFN, I've had periods each month, FFS! Went up a couple of jean sizes but I thought that was just due to moving in with DM and being less mindful of what I'm eating. My doctor says it's more common than people think. I'm not upset I found out way too late for a termination, as I could never have one no matter the circumstances. But I feel I've been cheated out of this gradual bond with my baby during pregnancy etc. Now she's just "there" and I don't know what to do with her.

God knows what I am doing about the father. I met him online, had a bit of a fling (he had just finished with an ex) and then he got back with his ex. Never bothered telling me, just blocked me on everything and when I did a little digging to see why it was because he was back with her. I don't want to tell him, and become a big wrecking ball that is going to ruin his life. And to be frank thinking about him is too much stress for me. He'll probably need telling eventually for baby's sake, but I need to get myself sorted first.

One small mercy is I've found out now and haven't ended up giving birth in the bath with no idea. I don't know why I'm posting TBH, I just needed to get it all out.

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YesQueen · 07/08/2019 16:57

Ok. Wow! Congratulations Smile
Have a brew, and a sleep and chat to whoever is most level headed
There's nothing urgent that needs doing this second so let it sink in

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Thesuzle · 07/08/2019 16:59

Wow, just wow, i can only offer you all the health, wealth and happiness you deserve in dealing with this frankly startling situation.
You sound like a very grounded person who will do her very best for the baby
Good luck and a safe delivery xxx

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Sleepyquest · 07/08/2019 17:03

Oh wow! Well congratulations! You still have some time to prepare, bond and get used to the idea Smile hope it all goes well for you xx

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jonesyyy · 07/08/2019 17:04

Wow OP. Good luck! You'll be completely fine ❤️xxx

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mistified · 07/08/2019 17:04

Sounds like it could be what is called a cryptic pregnancy

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AryaStarkWolf · 07/08/2019 17:16

You've still got months to bond with the baby before she's born, relax and congratulations <3 I don't know what to tell you about the dad. I would probably tell him though if it were me so you're giving him the chance to know his daughter but mostly because you're giving your daughter a chance to know her father. I'd be thinking about the future when she inevitably asks about him that you can atleast tell her he knew she existed even if he chose not to be involved, she may resent you otherwise for taking that opportunity away from her

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JustMe81 · 07/08/2019 17:17

I think what you’re feeling is completely normal. I’m 24 weeks with a planned pregnancy and still get moments of wtf do I do know. Give yourself time to get used to the idea, before you worry yourself thinking about the dad. Congratulations

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Betsy86 · 07/08/2019 17:24

Wow op! Congratulations Flowers what a shock for you though as you said atleast you found out now not when birth starts....
maybe it’s a blessing in a way that you found out late. If dad was being a twat blocking you etc around the time you found out it would of probably caused you massive stress and upset and could of also ruined the first few pregnancy months of bonding for you!
How exciting though definitely the sort of thing you read about and never expect it to happen to you! 3 girls i know it has happened to though so as the doctor said its far more common than people think. Xx

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mothernatureq · 07/08/2019 17:28

Thank you all for the replies, it has helped somewhat writing it all down. I am a very maternal person and have always looked forward to having a baby, which is why this current situation feels so crazy to me. Getting to near the end of a pregnancy and having no idea.

I've not really had anything to drink over the past few months except literally a couple of glasses of wine. Baby is measuring on the small side and isn't very active but is still within "normal" ranges. I was 8lbs 8 and birth and my brother 8lbs 13 so that's a little worrying to me. I've been eating processed crap for months so I need to go a big shop and get lots of lean meats and veggies etc in. Try and get baby lots of nutrients.

@AryaStarkWolf You are completely right, I honestly don't know if he'll want anything to do with her. I really didn't know him that well. But I'd be failing my baby if I didn't tell him. I think I need to get this pregnancy and the first few weeks out of the way first. Telling him will be nervewracking and I don't want to cause problems.

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IceBearRocks · 07/08/2019 17:35

It will be fine ..... I had a 26 week surprise!!! He's a 12 year old superstar now !!!

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RushianDisney · 07/08/2019 17:38

Congratulations OP. This happened to a friend of mine, she now has a wonderful 11 year old. I hope the rest of your pregnancy is stress free and you can look forward to meeting your little girl

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iwunderwhy · 07/08/2019 18:20

Wow... I hope you get over the thoroughly understandable sense of being cheated. She was meant to be. Perhaps in 20 years time she'll be a great leader the world has been waiting for. See how you feel because you still have choices and no-one has the right to judge.

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MadameJosephine · 07/08/2019 18:28

This is more common than you think. I’m a midwife sonographer and regularly do dating scans that turn out to be third trimester scans. The latest one I ever did was about 37 weeks. I remember joking with her that at least she hadn’t come in pushing and she said that’s what had happened with her first baby so at least this time she had a couple of weeks to get her head around it!

Be kind to yourself, it might take some time to get over the shock so don’t rush into any decisions too quickly Flowers

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flumposie · 07/08/2019 18:29

aw congratulations. What a shock but you will get through it as it sounds like you have family support Flowers

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Loveyou3000 · 07/08/2019 18:30

I'd wait til baby is born to tell him. I was in a similar situation, but found out early on, told the dad and he told me he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. Put a dark cloud over the whole pregnancy and felt a bit miserable at the birth and just after as he had ignored mutual friends telling him she was coming/had been born. (He's a fantastic dad now though almost 4 years on, she's at his tonight and spending the weekend there).

FWIW, those 9 months usually drag and I almost wish I could have just found out near the end to save all the anxious waiting! Grin

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Usherusherusher · 07/08/2019 18:30

Wow that’s amazing! Congratulations Flowers

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TayoTheLittleBus · 07/08/2019 18:31

I wouldn’t even bother telling the father. Just raise your little girl. Who needs ‘em?

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sheshootssheimplores · 07/08/2019 18:41

Oh bless you. I’m welling up reading this ❤️❤️

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SongforSal · 07/08/2019 18:45

Oh OP. I feel you. Found out I was expecting DD at around 18wks. No bump, six 8 jeans and periods. Admittedly I was bleeding lightly, but I was having them! Oh, and I was on the pill. We reasoned I must have missed a dose or two, but to this day i'm sure I didn't.

Came as a HUGE shock for us. She's 19 now and about to go into her second year at Uni. Literally could not imagine her not being here, as against the odds she clearly was meant to be.

Oh, and a massive congratulations!

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Paddy1234 · 07/08/2019 18:46

I think you will be absolutely fine ❤️
You seem very grounded

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Beesandcheese · 07/08/2019 18:51

Of course it's a shock. Brew I think you're going to be brilliant you're actually there thinking about the impact this has on the fling bloke and that. Your urge to think of others will MORE than equip you for supporting your daughter x

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mothernatureq · 07/08/2019 19:06

@SongforSal That's lovely, yes thinking back now my periods have been lighter but deffo still there!

I go from thinking "Wow, I'm having a baby." and feeling somewhat happy to then feeling so much stress and dread. Hopefully by the time I'm due I've come to terms with it more.

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bebeboeuf · 07/08/2019 19:09

Congratulations and you sound like already you have an excellent positive outlook on life and what it throws you.
Enjoy your next 3 months of bonding

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cakeandchampagne · 07/08/2019 19:11

Congratulations on your little surprise! Flowers

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GreatOne · 07/08/2019 19:14

Congratulations!!
Personally I'd tell him now, just to get it out way. It already sounds like an unclear time, so I'd do it now, rather than let it muddy the newborn stage. Allow that to be nice, not skewed by whatever his reaction might be.
Also, if finding out was a shock to you now, imagine it'll be a shock to him finding out he's got a newborn, just as it would if been to you. He can have time to mentally process it, just like you gotten now.
Best of luck

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