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God must be playing a really sick joke on me.
128

mothernatureq · 07/08/2019 16:54

This all just seems like one huge cruel joke. I last had sex (unprotected) in January and my period was late 2 weeks later. I did a pregnancy test which was a BFN and then got my period soon after, massive relief. I then moved on with my life, got a new job and moved back in with my DM who is ill. My periods have been like clockwork ever since, and I've had no bump whatsoever.

About a week ago I woke up feeling severely bloated and gassy/burpy. I remember thinking "Jesus christ I look pregnant." Ha. Went on a long walk to try and relieve it and it didn't help. It got progressively worse over the week and eventually I went to the doctor. He felt my abdomen and said I felt like I was in the late second trimester/early third trimester of pregnancy! I insisted it was impossible and he referred me for an emergency ultrasound at the hospital the next day. I went feeling sick expecting them to find a baby size tumor or something.

Nope, just a baby. A perfectly healthy girl, apparently. I'm due around Halloween. This was 2 days ago and it still hasn't sunk in. I've told my DM, who is shocked but delighted. I've told my sister and she has been lovely, but I just feel an impending sense of dread. It feels like someone is pranking me, I got a BFN, I've had periods each month, FFS! Went up a couple of jean sizes but I thought that was just due to moving in with DM and being less mindful of what I'm eating. My doctor says it's more common than people think. I'm not upset I found out way too late for a termination, as I could never have one no matter the circumstances. But I feel I've been cheated out of this gradual bond with my baby during pregnancy etc. Now she's just "there" and I don't know what to do with her.

God knows what I am doing about the father. I met him online, had a bit of a fling (he had just finished with an ex) and then he got back with his ex. Never bothered telling me, just blocked me on everything and when I did a little digging to see why it was because he was back with her. I don't want to tell him, and become a big wrecking ball that is going to ruin his life. And to be frank thinking about him is too much stress for me. He'll probably need telling eventually for baby's sake, but I need to get myself sorted first.

One small mercy is I've found out now and haven't ended up giving birth in the bath with no idea. I don't know why I'm posting TBH, I just needed to get it all out.

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pinkunicornsparkles · 20/08/2019 19:30

@mothernatureq hi OP how are you doing? X

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ArgumentativeAardvaark · 08/08/2019 22:56

So was no 5 a girl or a 5th boy @4boysthatilove? Grin

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ArgumentativeAardvaark · 08/08/2019 22:55

Ha ha that makes sense, I change my username about as often as I change my socks, never occurred to me that someone might have the same one for over 6 years Blush.

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4boysthatilove · 08/08/2019 21:20

@argumentativeAardvaark INeedNewShoes is spot on, no idea how to change my user name

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INeedNewShoes · 08/08/2019 21:15

I would imagine that 4 had her MN username before baby number 5 arrived and hasn't bothered to change it. Not that strange?

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ArgumentativeAardvaark · 08/08/2019 16:08

Congratulations, I had a similar surprise who is now nearly 6. I was 46 and on the pill, mum to 4 boys when I found out I was 22 weeks pregnant. Shortest ever pregnancy and most wonderful surprise ever, enjoy!

@4boysthatilove I’m still holding out hope for another even though am nearly 46, so happy to hear your story. But you’ve got an odd user name for someone with 4 boys and (presumably) a girl!?

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pinkunicornsparkles · 08/08/2019 14:18

I already not maybe

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pinkunicornsparkles · 08/08/2019 14:18

@AryaStarkWolf maybe already responded to this.

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AryaStarkWolf · 08/08/2019 14:15

@pinkunicornsparkles a right to know yes but a right to be at the birth?? Absolutely not

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Pinkout · 08/08/2019 14:14

@ILoveYou3000 I thought this too. My DS was born just before Halloween last year and my LMP was at the end of January, he was conceived around Valentines Day.

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ILoveYou3000 · 08/08/2019 14:11

@mothernatureq I hate to ask this, but did you have protected, or not, sex with anyone else in early Feb? As to be due around Halloween conception would have been around 7-14th Feb, not January.

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pinkunicornsparkles · 08/08/2019 13:35

@TinyMystery i stand corrected. I will re phrase.

I believe the biological father has the right to know that there is a child coming into the world that is biologically his. He does not have the right to actually be physically present in the room and see the birth if the OP does not wish. But if he wants to be a present father in the child's life he has the right to know that he has a child come into the world and to be able to see that child when the OP is not in labour and is physically ready for him to do so.

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TinyMystery · 08/08/2019 13:29

@pinkunicornsparkles Luckily for OP maternity staff will always put the needs of mother and baby first, and uninvited persons will never be allowed to watch a birth like it’s some kind of performance put on for them. There is absolutely no ‘right’ for anyone to watch a birth. Just like there is no ‘right’ for anyone to come and watch your smear test.

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pinkunicornsparkles · 08/08/2019 12:47

@Pinkout sorry I disagree. It is his baby too. He has a right to know that there is a baby of his coming into this world. You're right, he may choose to have nothing to do with the baby or the OP. But he may choose to be present and a father.

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Pinkout · 08/08/2019 12:35

He has no right to be at the birth @pinkunicornsparkles and I’d imagine OP wouldn’t be overly comfortable with him being there either. It was a short fling and he’s now in a relationship too so I’d personally be prepared for him wanting nothing to do with any of it. You can still chase him for CM but it’s almost definite he will request a DNA test first. I’d tell him when the baby was born personally, focus on yourself right now.

Huge shock but it is surprisingly common, my Mum was 20 weeks when she found out about me and a friend of mine found out at 35 weeks. You will be fine, the shock will settle soon and I’m sure you will bond Flowers.

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4boysthatilove · 08/08/2019 12:21

Congratulations, I had a similar surprise who is now nearly 6. I was 46 and on the pill, mum to 4 boys when I found out I was 22 weeks pregnant. Shortest ever pregnancy and most wonderful surprise ever, enjoy!

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AryaStarkWolf · 08/08/2019 12:10

I think I need to get this pregnancy and the first few weeks out of the way first. Telling him will be nervewracking and I don't want to cause problems.

Of course, right now you and your daughter are the number one priority, try to let it all sink in and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy

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Inforthelonghaul · 08/08/2019 09:03

Just to reassure you my third DC grew behind the placenta so I didn’t actually feel her move very much at all and never had that foot sticking out thing either. Also with my first pregnancy I didn’t look pregnant until I was 7 months I didn’t even have a belly it was weird. Then one morning I woke up and had a bump which grew daily. All mine were deemed small but actually were a good normal weight at birth.

Congratulations though you sound as though you will be a good mum.

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legolimb · 08/08/2019 08:45

Congratulations OP

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Rachelover40 · 08/08/2019 01:23

mothernature, many congratulations Flowers, that's wonderful news.
I knew someone who was 5.5 months pregnant when it was discovered on ultrasound. She'd been having periods too but had felt weird and unwell for a couple of weeks, hence referral.

She had a gorgeous baby girl, the sweetest little thing you ever saw.

Don't worry about your baby's father right now. There's time enough to think about him, at the moment your priority should be you and your baby.

I'm so glad you have your mum and sister. They must be tickled pink! i expect your mum will be on hand when you bring your daughter home.

You are going to be fine, I can 'feel' it.
Cake Bear

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mothernatureq · 08/08/2019 01:11

I'm honestly amazed to hear how common this is, I've only ever heard of it in the newspapers and thought for it to be newsworhty it must happen once in a blue moon. I felt like some kind of medical anomaly but it's good (well not good as such but you know what I mean) to hear personal stories about other women being in this situation.

I wish she would move more, my doctor says she is healthy but I think if I felt her kick or something then I'd finally get that cold hard shock that this is actually happening. Right now I drift in and out of belief and disbelief, because I know I am pregnant but my body isn't telling me that I am. I found out by other means if that makes any sense.

To the poster who asked about my DM (am too tired to scroll through the thread to @ you, sorry) and why I'm living with her, she has a chronic illness and she needs a bit of support day to day. She is still independent but sometimes things get a bit much for her and she ends up in pain etc. I don't really consider myself a carer as it just seems natural but she's really looking forward to baby (think she's trying to reign in her excitement because she knows how shocked I am). We are very close, she does my head in sometimes (Grin) but I think she's going to be a good support.

I work 4 days a week and I've got a meeting scheduled with my boss on Friday after my shift to tell him. Shitting myself about that but I'm sure it'll be fine. Feel bad as I've been pregnant longer than I've been in the job! I'm 24 and it's a job I had always wanted to do, keep having to tell myself it's not over. Just on hold.

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BraveGoldie · 08/08/2019 00:34

Congratulations OP! Literally amazing news! Smile

I am sure you will be a wonderful mother. Smile

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Isadora2007 · 08/08/2019 00:23

To be honest many women don’t really bond with their bump until it appears physically (around 20 odd weeks) or in my case until the crappy 16/18 weeks of feeling like utter shit passes and you feel vaguely human again so really you’ve not missed out on much in my view. And Halloween is a decent way off now. There is so much hype surrounding “baby essentials” and “must haves” when in reality a tiny baby doesn’t actually need that much so don’t get sucked in to all that.

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POP7777777 · 08/08/2019 00:20

Wow! Congratulations! I found out I was pregnant a few years after my husband had a vasectomy and it was such a shock! It didn't sink in for a while and it was very overwhelming. I'd never heard of that happening but now I know it's not unusual at all. I worried about money, space in the house, work, etc but I have to say my surprise baby has enriched my life more than I can say. She turned out to be the BEST surprise in my life. Congratulations! Smile (Don't worry about if and when to tell the father yet; that's not a priority. You can decide on that later.)

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CTRL · 08/08/2019 00:17

Wow ! Congrats !
You will be fine

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