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God must be playing a really sick joke on me.
128

mothernatureq · 07/08/2019 16:54

This all just seems like one huge cruel joke. I last had sex (unprotected) in January and my period was late 2 weeks later. I did a pregnancy test which was a BFN and then got my period soon after, massive relief. I then moved on with my life, got a new job and moved back in with my DM who is ill. My periods have been like clockwork ever since, and I've had no bump whatsoever.

About a week ago I woke up feeling severely bloated and gassy/burpy. I remember thinking "Jesus christ I look pregnant." Ha. Went on a long walk to try and relieve it and it didn't help. It got progressively worse over the week and eventually I went to the doctor. He felt my abdomen and said I felt like I was in the late second trimester/early third trimester of pregnancy! I insisted it was impossible and he referred me for an emergency ultrasound at the hospital the next day. I went feeling sick expecting them to find a baby size tumor or something.

Nope, just a baby. A perfectly healthy girl, apparently. I'm due around Halloween. This was 2 days ago and it still hasn't sunk in. I've told my DM, who is shocked but delighted. I've told my sister and she has been lovely, but I just feel an impending sense of dread. It feels like someone is pranking me, I got a BFN, I've had periods each month, FFS! Went up a couple of jean sizes but I thought that was just due to moving in with DM and being less mindful of what I'm eating. My doctor says it's more common than people think. I'm not upset I found out way too late for a termination, as I could never have one no matter the circumstances. But I feel I've been cheated out of this gradual bond with my baby during pregnancy etc. Now she's just "there" and I don't know what to do with her.

God knows what I am doing about the father. I met him online, had a bit of a fling (he had just finished with an ex) and then he got back with his ex. Never bothered telling me, just blocked me on everything and when I did a little digging to see why it was because he was back with her. I don't want to tell him, and become a big wrecking ball that is going to ruin his life. And to be frank thinking about him is too much stress for me. He'll probably need telling eventually for baby's sake, but I need to get myself sorted first.

One small mercy is I've found out now and haven't ended up giving birth in the bath with no idea. I don't know why I'm posting TBH, I just needed to get it all out.

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Brenna24 · 07/08/2019 20:55

Aww congratulations. Lucky baby is going to have a fabulous mum.

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Nothingcomesforfree · 07/08/2019 20:56

Congratulations!
Tell the dad but make sure he knows you expect nothing from him. He’ll probably want a DNA before he believes you anyway ( understandably) so be prepared for disbelief. It’s not fun to be called a liar but he has no reason to think you are being honest and it’s no relflection on you.
Just crack on. “Not the first, not the last” is the way to think about it. Part of life’s rich tapestry.

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INeedNewShoes · 07/08/2019 20:57

Congratulations OP!

I just want to say that regarding your worry about having missed out on bonding time, that due to previous miscarriages I didn't allow myself to bond with my baby at all in the first trimester and then I was ill for the first few weeks of the second. I'd say I didn't start the bonding process until around 20 weeks and this hasn't mattered at all.

It must be such a shock but you sound like you've got this!

I agree with others that it's important that you tell the father. I actually think the sooner the better...

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CatInADoghouse · 07/08/2019 21:05

Congratulations OP! Wonderful news. Cherish her Thanks

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Justaboy · 07/08/2019 21:19

Nowt to do with God ! mothernatureq

More the fates making you do what you did;)

End of Oct ish?, now as long as shes not called Brexit no deal she'll be fine:)

And you know I somehow think she'll have an excellent mum:)

There!! the fates have spoken:)

At some stage when you feel up to it i really think you ought to let the dad know, I think he does have a moral right. What happens then its still the decision of the fates;!

Bless you and the 'lil lady to be:)

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Oliversmumsarmy · 07/08/2019 21:22

Congratulations
I don't want to worry you but I have a friend who found out she was pregnant at 32 weeks, never suspected anything.
Her and her dh were just getting over the shock when baby came 3 weeks early.

I do think it is more common than people think.

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YouDancin · 07/08/2019 21:24

Congratulations! What a surprise!

I think you should tell the father sooner rather than later. While is is still a surprise to you it would be good to let him know how much of a surprise it is.
If he hears later he may think you have hidden the pregnancy and be resentful rather than as surprised as you.

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RowingMermaid · 07/08/2019 21:33

Happened to a friend of ours, his fiance was in the bath and looking at her tummy thinking that the Christmas weight she had gained was taking a long time to go, did a bit of prodding singing who ate all the pies and then realises it didn't feel right. Thought it was a cyst.

Booked to see GP and he told her she was pregnant but she would have to go for a scan to date her. She was in total shock, a size 8 usually with a teeny bump.

I was actually pregnant at the time myself so told Dh to text me when they knew how many weeks she was thinking she would be the same as me (about 22 weeks) Dh rang me which meant he was ringing to hear my reaction. They dated her at 33 weeks!

They had just moved house so were completely skint, they sold his expensive sports car to fund maternity leave and all the baby stuff. They were still in shock when she went into labour at 37 weeks. Literally 4 weeks to prepare for the baby. That baby is now a teenager.

Look after yourself, know that this happens more times than you think. Personally, I wouldn't tell the father, based on reading numerous threads on here of asshole absent fathers demanding stuff. So if you can afford to go it alone, I would. Once that tiny baby is in your arms and the thought of handing her over to an almost stranger and his partner? That is why I wouldn't.

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RowingMermaid · 07/08/2019 21:33

Thought I had said it but congratulations!

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Betty777 · 07/08/2019 21:50

Wow! congratulations. quite a shock i'm sure.

Please don't worry too much - you still have some time to get your head around it. I suspect that a few months in you will very quickly be in the same position that everyone else is in with a new baby (tired, grumpy, clueless......)

Just think about our parents' generation and before, when people usually didn't tend to put as much effort (and money) into 'planning' for the baby. You actually need very little material stuff for the early days - and what you do need can mostly be bought at John Lewis ;-)

And this happened to a friend of mine almost as late as with you - and she now has a healthy happy 5 year old and it's like it never happened.

good luck

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Happymum12345 · 07/08/2019 21:51

Congratulations! I expect it’s one of those shocks you never quite get over! My dd was a complete surprise & on her 8th birthday I wonder how she got here.
God has clearly blessed you. You’ll be just fine.

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oakleaffy · 07/08/2019 22:07

Once is all it takes!
I felt massively sick as a ...and thought it was a bug...but nope, a baby.. :) {DS}
Things like child support could come into it...and however much he protests he will have to pay.
Heard on the radio years ago of a man who was approached out of the blue for CS..he denied the baby was his, as he was so careful with contraception.
He said he had been scrupulously careful with contraception, buying his own condoms, storing them carefully, putting them on carefully ..so in court said ''how did this happen?''
The woman admitting harvesting the sperm from condom while he was in the shower...and he had to pay up.

I know this situation is different, but usually women do seek child support..It isn't always easy on a child not to have a father present..especially for boys.
Good luck though!

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ScrimshawTheSecond · 07/08/2019 22:07

Wow! Congratulations. I know that must be a big shock, but it also sounds ... like you're happy. How wonderful. :) x

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Rainbowknickers · 07/08/2019 22:20

The same thing happened to me
I found out I was having a baby on the Monday-and had him on the Saturday!
I’d only gone to the doctor with crippling backache-and cane out pregnant!
You will be fine I promise
Get your support network round you and when you have your baby you will feel a love like never before
It is a shock (my shock is almost 20 years old now) but as soon as you get your head round it you’ll be much better prepared

Pm me if you want-it’s not that uncommon but it does feel like your life has ended-it has-but only as you know it-and a whole new better life is about to open for you-and your lovely baby

Sending hugs xxx

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Rosere · 07/08/2019 22:20

Awww am sure this is a shock, but wow, what a lovely one. Massive congrats x

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MoccaIceCream · 07/08/2019 22:22

oh wow. congratulations!

as for the dad, I would tell him sooner rather than later. he may insist on a paternity test but you.can deal with it later. children aren't cheap and being a lone parent can be challenging money wise. So I would want to make sure I get child maintance. doesn't matter he is back with his ex. that's for him to deal with, not your worry.

hope you enjoy the rest of the pregnancy!

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Bourbonbiccy · 07/08/2019 22:28

Wow congratulations, I always thought it was a myth and people were just hiding it when they said they didn't know as they had periods, how amazing and brilliant.

Yes definitely tell the dad sooner so he can wrap his head around it also. You don't want to leave your daughter without the chance of a relationship with her daddy.

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Grumpos · 07/08/2019 22:45

Congratulations!
What an amazing and unusual baby story (although judging from the comments on here it’s not that unusual at all!)

Take it a day at a time right now, you have plenty of time to bond with your bump and lots of time to work out the practicalities.

I’m in 2nd trimester and due to various reasons I’ve had hardly any time or mental space to get my head around my pregnancy but baby has recently started to move and show more so it’s beginning to feel more real by the day.

Best of luck, look after yourself and I’m sure it will all work out! On this occasion it seems like she is very much meant to be here with you Smile

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kateandme · 07/08/2019 23:11

just from haring the way you talk and how you are feeling and thoughts on the baby and life etc i think you sound like a really lovely mum already.with a baby that is now hear very much wanted.so to me youve already bonded loads!
your already thinking of its needs.youve shared it with your family.and your thinking of its future and how to be as healthy as you can be for them.that is a good mum.
youve also missed alot of the nerves.sickness.and fears too!
maybe make some to do lists.
dont overwhelm yourself.there is a lot of stuff you need to know but lots you dont!
talk to the dr about getting up to date with everything and just try and let it come and enjoy it now.

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GetKnitted · 07/08/2019 23:12

If your DM is delighted and your sister lovely then you are set. You sound lovely, I'm sure you're going to be a great mum and your daughter is going to do great :)

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namechangedforthis1980 · 07/08/2019 23:25

@Rainbowknickers , I had to laugh when you said you went to the docs with a back ache and came out pregnant. What sort of examination was it?! ShockGrinGrin

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iwunderwhy · 07/08/2019 23:42

@Nanamilly I agree with you.

If there's no relationship there and there's anyway you can afford not to ask him for child support I would just bring her up myself. All this just call him sounds very nice, romantic even, but the reality is you're opening up the proverbial can of worms including potential custody battles by calling him.

I would urge you to maybe go see a lawyer and let them tell his rights if you call him, then decide.

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Sparklemummyx0x0x · 07/08/2019 23:52

Wow! This seems to be so common. My work colleague was 26 weeks along before she found out.

Congratulations to you. Such a shock but a lovely surprise too. So pleased you have the support from your mum and sister.

Similar situation with a friend of mine with the dad.
Surprise pregnancy after a short fling, he cheated. But she waited until last last few weeks (35 I think) until she told him and he wasn't happy. Wanted to actually be there and go to scans etc.
He did want (and she agreed) DNA proof first, so be aware that this might be a possibility too. How is he to know who else you've been with?

So, I think you should be telling the dad before she's born. He might want to be involved, he might not, but at least he's got that choice now, and time to sink in, just like you have, or will have, instead of being told when she's already here. He might want to be around and informed when you're in labour etc. ( if it's all agreeable to you too of course)
What about financial support from him? Would he be on the birth cert?

Just because he's not great partner material doesn't make him crap dad to be.

Good luck.

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pinkunicornsparkles · 07/08/2019 23:58

Congrats OP Smile if it helps, I had a very planned pregnancy with my husband of 4 years didn't really connect or bond with the baby until she was a good few moths old. It all just felt too surreal.

She's a happy 5 year old and the love of my life. It's more common than people realise for all the gooey love to come very gradually, people often won't admit it. For many it's an instant burst of love but I needed time to get to know my baby first and get my head around this miracle that was suddenly mine.

You will be a great mum! Thanks

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pinkunicornsparkles · 08/08/2019 00:01

Ps please tell the dad before the baby comes. At least then he has the option to see her come into the world if he wants to.

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