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God must be playing a really sick joke on me.
128

mothernatureq · 07/08/2019 16:54

This all just seems like one huge cruel joke. I last had sex (unprotected) in January and my period was late 2 weeks later. I did a pregnancy test which was a BFN and then got my period soon after, massive relief. I then moved on with my life, got a new job and moved back in with my DM who is ill. My periods have been like clockwork ever since, and I've had no bump whatsoever.

About a week ago I woke up feeling severely bloated and gassy/burpy. I remember thinking "Jesus christ I look pregnant." Ha. Went on a long walk to try and relieve it and it didn't help. It got progressively worse over the week and eventually I went to the doctor. He felt my abdomen and said I felt like I was in the late second trimester/early third trimester of pregnancy! I insisted it was impossible and he referred me for an emergency ultrasound at the hospital the next day. I went feeling sick expecting them to find a baby size tumor or something.

Nope, just a baby. A perfectly healthy girl, apparently. I'm due around Halloween. This was 2 days ago and it still hasn't sunk in. I've told my DM, who is shocked but delighted. I've told my sister and she has been lovely, but I just feel an impending sense of dread. It feels like someone is pranking me, I got a BFN, I've had periods each month, FFS! Went up a couple of jean sizes but I thought that was just due to moving in with DM and being less mindful of what I'm eating. My doctor says it's more common than people think. I'm not upset I found out way too late for a termination, as I could never have one no matter the circumstances. But I feel I've been cheated out of this gradual bond with my baby during pregnancy etc. Now she's just "there" and I don't know what to do with her.

God knows what I am doing about the father. I met him online, had a bit of a fling (he had just finished with an ex) and then he got back with his ex. Never bothered telling me, just blocked me on everything and when I did a little digging to see why it was because he was back with her. I don't want to tell him, and become a big wrecking ball that is going to ruin his life. And to be frank thinking about him is too much stress for me. He'll probably need telling eventually for baby's sake, but I need to get myself sorted first.

One small mercy is I've found out now and haven't ended up giving birth in the bath with no idea. I don't know why I'm posting TBH, I just needed to get it all out.

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OhNotNowBernard · 07/08/2019 20:08

I went through similar. It wasn’t even my first. BFN, periods. I was size 8-10 no weight gain when I saw the GP about severe constipation that kept returning. I would have been too shocked with early pregnancy, but I was 24 weeks it turned out. She was then born at 34 weeks which really felt like a whirlwind, and hard to explain at work! I’d been huge with my previous, no funny symptoms. This one I had normal periods and no bodily change along with regular periods.

She’s 7 now and fantastic

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LuckyLou7 · 07/08/2019 20:08

I would definitely tell the father, he may or may not want some involvement in his daughter's life - but at least he'll have the choice, better that than not knowing at all, and your daughter seeking him out when she's older.

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namechangedforthis1980 · 07/08/2019 20:08

Aww how exciting!

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whatacarryon2018 · 07/08/2019 20:09

What a shock for you but huge huge congratulations!!! You sound like you're going to be a fantastic mum and it also sounds like your family are going to be hugely supportive. As for the Dad, don't think about it too much right now. Focus on yourself and your baby girl and see how you feel in a month or so. Xxx

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makingmammaries · 07/08/2019 20:10

Congratulations, OP.

I think you need to tell the father, though. He might turn out to be a tosser, or he might not. Those who are tossers can be made to pay child support, at least. If he’s got any decency, he might want to know his child. Better to facilitate that if possible.

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TheInvestigator · 07/08/2019 20:10

@mothernatureq

This is going to sound very selfish but I'm so glad I read your post. You've just described exactly what happened to me. I found out when I was 23 weeks along. I'd had regular periods, no other symptoms, no sickness etc. Nothing. I'd been a bridesmaid 2 weeks before finding out and I wore a dress which I had bought a year in advance and had taken in around the waist... my waist and stomach where tiny. No sign of anything but in all those photos, I was 21 weeks pregnant. It was unbelievable.

I had the same; waking up feeling suddenly very bloated and Ill and waited a week, then went to my GP. Pregnant. Couldn't believe it.

My son turns 8 in a few months... can't imagine life without him and wouldn't change it for the world. It's a huge shock, but your initial reaction is really positive so you and baby are going to be very very happy.

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ByeByeNarcissist · 07/08/2019 20:14

Wow, how amazing! I think three months should be a good enough time to get your head around it.

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avocadoincident · 07/08/2019 20:14

Here is a thread for other mums expecting in October:

Due October 2019 - 14 weeks to go 💙💖 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/3638130-due-october-2019-14-weeks-to-go

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avocadoincident · 07/08/2019 20:15

And here is a November thread:

Due November 2019 thread 5 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/3622713-due-november-2019-thread-5

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Boysey45 · 07/08/2019 20:16

This happened to a friend of my Mums, she was apparently really, really big anyway and just didn't notice she had gained any weight. One day she had really severe stomach pains and thought she had appendicitis and was rushed into hospital Instead she gave birth to a baby girl. She had nothing at all for her.
I think you will be alright OP.

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Somersetlady · 07/08/2019 20:19

Congratulations!

Honestly dont worry about kissing out on the first months of pregnancy i had HG and spent half of it puking up and half of ot in and out of hospital on a drip. I’d gladly have found out with 2 months to go.

Just enjoy the next few months and beat pf luck with it.

With regard to the Dad think carefully. I e read enough on MN to know the fairytale parent idea is often a myth and only knowing a loving mother imo is better than a Dad who constantly lets their child down.

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Wiltshirelass2019 · 07/08/2019 20:22

Op wow what a shock for you but congratulations 😊 if it’s any consolation my I’m in my third trimester with an extremely planned pregnacy (ivf) and I’m still shitting myself and don’t feel at all prepared. So I think it’s all pretty normal. All the best to you 😊💐

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justthecat · 07/08/2019 20:22

She was clearly just meant to be 💐

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nespressowoo · 07/08/2019 20:23

Wonderful. Congratulations 💕

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SoyDora · 07/08/2019 20:24

Sounds like it could be what is called a cryptic pregnancy

Err... why? Isn’t a cryptic pregnancy one where the woman believes she is pregnant but actually isn’t?
The OP has had a scan, and a baby seen. That’s not a cryptic pregnancy.

Congratulations OP!

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Somersetlady · 07/08/2019 20:24

Missing not kissing 😏

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SoyDora · 07/08/2019 20:25

Ignore me, just saw I confused it with a phantom pregnancy!

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Icklepup · 07/08/2019 20:29

Oh wow, what a shock.. I couldn't imagine how you feel! Amazing what bodies can do!

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fleshmarketclose · 07/08/2019 20:31

Congratulations, my dd found out she was pregnant at 27 weeks. Baby is now six weeks old. He wasn't planned but he is a blessing. Dd is doing it all alone but she and baby are thriving. Dd was knocked for six for a few weeks but she got there. Knowing she had to get prepared helped enormously with this tbh. Take your time to get used to the idea and lean on your family and friends to get you through would be my advice.

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Neverender · 07/08/2019 20:36

Congratulations! Try to remember some people would give anything to be in your situation - I know that's unhelpful but it may help you to see what you have.

I'd buy a bump to birth diary and start documenting what's happened. Just for you - it might help you?

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INeedAFlerken · 07/08/2019 20:37

Congratulations, OP!

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mindproject · 07/08/2019 20:40

This will be a blessing in disguise in the long run, in the long-term.

You should tell the dad, but don't have too many expectations about whether he will be involved or not. Don't give him parental rights when you register the birth and make sure your baby has your surname.

Best wishes.

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Sandybval · 07/08/2019 20:41

Aw congratulations! I agree that it's best to tell the father but wait until you've got your head around it! I didn't really bond with my bump until the last few months, it felt so surreal and I knew early on, so don't feel too bad about feeling like you've missed out Flowers

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CorBlimeyGovenor · 07/08/2019 20:49

Well of course it has been a shock!! A huge shock! You may have missed out on what you see as 'pregnancy bonding time'. Or, as many experience, "chronic fatigue whilst holding onto a toilet bowl' time! Trust me, at least you got that bit over! And fantastic that you don't have a tumour! You've still got plenty of time to get your head around it. And you'll fall in love with her the moment that you hold her. Sounds like this is what your mother needs too, if she's been unwell! You sound pretty level headed, with a good family support system. Do try to join an NCT class if you can as it will really help you to make Friends and be another support network! Anyway, I guess that Congratulations is in order! It will be a crazy, knackering, frustrating, marvellous and wonderful experience!

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wheresthehope · 07/08/2019 20:52

Congrats OP! I am 32weeks today. Due in Oct
You still have plenty of time to bond and plan for your baby
FWIW I also wish I could have skipped a few weeks as this pregnancy has dragged!

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