Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want other peoples children in my house?

128 replies

Cantmakeupmymind1 · 07/08/2019 10:50

I have a baby and two preschoolers - life is full on, hectic etc. I do something every day with my children so we get out of the house for at least a few hours usually more, we have lots of active, fun, inexpensive days out. I'm just about staying on top of everything, home is tidy and clean 'enough' most of the time but I do struggle to stay on top of tidying up and cleaning with children who are up at 5am and go to bed late.

Here's my AIBU - my friend keeps asking for her 3 and 6 year old to come over and play. I don't want them to. It's often dropped on me last minute. They rarely go out and do anything. I really have my hands full with my own children, I don't need another two to look after. It's awkward because if I bump in to her, her 6 year old will ask if they can come back and play and rather than say no she tells her to ask me! So I then have to say no, which is followed by lots of 'oh please oh please' from her 6 year old and again she will tell her to ask me!! Am I the only mum who doesn't want other peoples children in her house? I'm happy to meet them in the park or somewhere so mum stays too but I don't want them 'dropped off' to my home to play so I have to look after them and then clean up the mess they've made in my house.

OP posts:
lmusic87 · 07/08/2019 11:50

Just offer to go to a park together

Aprillygirl · 07/08/2019 11:50

Your friend is a thoughtless cheeky fucker. She should be telling her child that you have enough on your plate, but as she is too selfish to do so you will have to. Just keep repeating "Sorry darling, I have enough children of my own to look after," and if your friend is any sort of friend she will offer to have one or two of your kids over to hers.

Stompythedinosaur · 07/08/2019 11:54

While I think never having other dc round is a bit extreme, she sounds like a CF.

Every time I was asked I would say "Sorry, I'm not up for babysitting your dc today. 5 dc is too many to manage."

VimFuego101 · 07/08/2019 11:54

Agree, I would direct the question about whether your kids can go to hers instead, back through her DD. She's a CF!

oakleaffy · 07/08/2019 11:58

You are absolutely not being unreasonable!
The age difference between a 3 yr old and a 6 yr old is huge, and a three year old needs close supervision.
Are you offering a free childminding service??...this is really manipulative behaviour from the mother...who clearly wants her kids off her hands for a few hours.
If you ALL went to the park or somewhere, that would be completely different, OR if the mum came along, too at your place and supervised her own children...but to use you as a DAR {dump and run} isn't on.

BluebellCockleshell123 · 07/08/2019 12:00

Where do all these CFs come from? I've never had a "friend" behaving like this...expecting free childcare & getting the kids to beg.
Playdates are pretty much always reciprocated and although very occasionally someone has asked for a childcare favour, it's always been with no expectations and very much appreciated.

As everyone says - just say no...it's enough work looking after 3 kids never mind 5!

Whoops75 · 07/08/2019 12:01

YANBU

Say ‘I’m only doing park play dates 5 in the house is too busy’

BMW6 · 07/08/2019 12:02

Tell her to her face "No. You are taking the piss and you bloody well know it"

TooTrueToBeGood · 07/08/2019 12:04

You've fallen into the very British trap of not wanting to cause offense, even when someone is taking the absolute piss. She is using you as free childcare. She knows it. You know it. Call it what it is, tell her she is not on and if she takes the hump good riddance. She is not a friend, she is a user.

wotsittoyou · 07/08/2019 12:07

Do you already have a plethora of informal childcare options? If not, you are being unreasonable not taking advantage of a potential mutual childcare arrangement with her. Just take turns.

TheSerenDipitY · 07/08/2019 12:13

next time bend down to the begging child and say "ohhhh you should ask mummy to take you to soft play " ( or whatever child filled hell zone) "go on ( and stare at the mother) ASK HER!" then big shit eating grin and walk away)

mamaoffourdc · 07/08/2019 12:18

Get them to tidy up before they leave - that's what we used to do - everyone has to tidy up when the play date ends

echt · 07/08/2019 12:18

Do you already have a plethora of informal childcare options? If not, you are being unreasonable not taking advantage of a potential mutual childcare arrangement with her. Just take turns

RFTOP, why don't you?

Durgasarrow · 07/08/2019 12:27

She's using you.

Drum2018 · 07/08/2019 12:31

No way would I tolerate her level of CF. Next time you bump into her and her kids ask to come to yours, say a firm No and ignore any pleading from the child. Change the subject, talk about the weather, make your excuses and walk away. Don't give the CF a chance to tell her child to keep asking you. If my Ds mentions play dates in front of friends/parents I quickly remind him that they are not arranged in the school yard/playground between kids, they are pre arranged between parents.

HotChocolateLover · 07/08/2019 12:32

You call this woman your ‘friend’. She’s not your friend if she’s taking the piss like this so just say no if it’s not convenient. Friends don’t treat one another like this and she’s not treating you well. Imagine if she’s dropping her kids off with you and going to meet other friends for coffee without inviting you. Perhaps that would make it easier to tell her to bog off.

wotsittoyou · 07/08/2019 12:33

echt

I've read the op's posts. She hasn't said that turns aren't possible, only that the 'suggestion' is for them to play at the op's house. Perhaps she just needs to direct the situation with a little more confidence so that it is mutually beneficial?

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 07/08/2019 12:33

Hi OP

I think the title is misleading. It's not you dont want other peoples children in your house, it's because you dont want to be an unpaid reciprocated babysitter in your house! Which is fair enough

Next time the 6 year old asks I'd say if your mummy will come and watch you with your sibling, as it's a bit much for me to look after 5 children at once

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 07/08/2019 12:34

Unreciprocated*

dustarr73 · 07/08/2019 12:34

I had the same as you,and its a killer at that age.You have to have eyes in the back of your head.Just tell her it wouldnt be safe.

Its bad enough keeping your own alive everyday,never mind everybody elses.

Plus 3 and 6 is a dodgy age.You cant leave them alone,they need constant supervision.

managedmis · 07/08/2019 12:35

Your friend would really chap my arse with her cheeky fuckery.

^^

Best phrase ever Grin

Fatasfooook · 07/08/2019 12:42

Suggest yours go over there and have a break

Mitzimaybe · 07/08/2019 12:48

Next time the 6 year old asks, just say "No, it's my DCs' turn to come to your house next; you came to ours last time." Then look at the mum and say "Is today good for you? Do you want to take them now? Or how about tomorrow?"

Just don't be such a doormat.

Snog · 07/08/2019 13:03

It's good to develop a filter about who is trying to use you for free childcare and learn to say no. There are no end of CF parents at primary school 😂

SavingSpaces2019 · 07/08/2019 13:03

When friend asks if they can come and play it's always just the children, not her too
So it's free childcare she's trying to wangle out of you - and using her own dc to pile on the emotional blackmail/pressure.

I'd tell her straight that you are not hosting playdates in your house for the forseeable future - though she's welcome to join you in the park/soft play etc.
I'd also be upfront and tell her i don't appreciate her using the dc to pull a fast one.