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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be absolutely furious with this swim instructor?

113 replies

KJaggard1 · 06/08/2019 20:56

So my dd (7) just got moved up to stage 2 in her swimming lessons, she can swim 5m with floats, and this means she’s also moved up to the ‘big’ pool which is deeper and even with half the length cut off it’s still out of her depth one end. She was very nervous last week and refused to jump into the deeper end. I told the instructor that she’s very nervous about the big pool and needs to build her confidence. So this week my dd was still extremely anxious and again refused to jump in, although she did appear to give it serious consideration this week so a tiny improvement, she wasn’t holding up the lesson as the other kids were happily jumping in past my dd with the other instructor in the pool assisting them. Anyway after a few minutes of cajoling the instructor just out of the blue from behind picked up my daughter under her arms and dropped her into the pool. (She’s quite young, early 20’s maybe she got frustrated 🤷‍♀️) The other instructor was there and pulled her up but she had gone under for a few seconds. My dd was upset and refused to speak to anyone while she was assisted to the shallow end and just stood at the side mute, and clearly upset. It was the end of the lesson and obviously I immediately got up, I told my dd the lesson was done and she could get out (the other kids already got out) and asked her if the teacher had told her she was going to put her in before she did it, she said no, I said did you want her to do that? She said no. So I told the instructor and the swim manager who was also supervising the lesson that I was unhappy (as calmly and politely as I could so as not to blow it up in my daughter’s mind), I made it clear that I wasn’t concerned for her safety as that wasn’t at risk but that she needs to trust her teachers in order to gain confidence and that I felt they’d betrayed her trust and damaged her confidence further in all likelihood and achieved nothing as the confidence had to come from dd. They just looked at me incredulous like I was a crazy person and said if it was really that big of a problem they wouldn’t do it again. No apology or even any indication they thought it was wrong. I’ve been a parent for 19 years, and been present at hundreds of swimming lessons in that time and I’ve never witnessed an instructor put a child into the pool without warning against their will before, and a nervous non-swimmer at that, I thought it was a given that you just didn’t do that to another person 7 or 70? They just kinda laughed nervously at me whilst I told them it was entirely unacceptable in my view. Dd now doesn’t want to go back. AIBU? Am I being overprotective? Is this acceptable behaviour? Would you take your child back?

OP posts:
managedmis · 06/08/2019 20:57

She whizzed your 7 year old into the pool?

managedmis · 06/08/2019 20:57

Am I being overprotective? Is this acceptable behaviour? Would you take your child back?

If so, NO! ^

TheseThingsAreFunAndFunIsGood · 06/08/2019 21:00

Omg that's Awful! Shock the sort of thing that at that age could start a bit of a phobia, or at the very least set her back quite a bit! No I definitely wouldn't take her back - find someone who believes in support and encouragement as teaching tools not force....

Kaykay06 · 06/08/2019 21:00

I’d not send her back to them
Poor soul
My 9 year old started lessons in the past year after being very nervous and frightened but has overcome his fears due to a kind, patient and fun teacher who has built his confidence to the point he loves his lessons(a day I never thought I’d see) If this was done to him it would set him so far back and undo the good work that’s been done.

Complain to whoever runs the lessons and state she refuses to go back. And find someone else to teach her to swim once she’s recovered (probably sooner than later)

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 06/08/2019 21:01

I'd say unacceptable. The shock could put her off swimming for ever. Surely they have rules about not grabbing children without their permission (your daughter clearly wouldn't have given it in that situation)

Applesandpears23 · 06/08/2019 21:01

I had a teacher push my child’s head under the water at age 4. Similar reaction to you. I didn’t get an apology but when I said I wanted a different teacher a space was made for her in a different class. She still mentions it 18 months later. I have to ask every new teacher to confirm in front of her they won’t ever do that before she trusts them.

Lovebeingmama · 06/08/2019 21:01

If it was persuasion and holding her as she got in the pool, I wouldn’t be overly concerned. However, it sounds as if your daughter was basically dropped into the pool. No, wouldn’t be happy. Wouldn’t be going back.

annikin · 06/08/2019 21:05

Not acceptable. Change swim schools immediately as they will only do more damage. If they had apologised and changed her teacher, fine, but they obviously think they were right.

MsTSwift · 06/08/2019 21:05

I thought the “chuck them in the pool sink or swim” style of swimming teaching ended in 1952?

Teddybear45 · 06/08/2019 21:07

Sounds like your DD isn’t ready for the class tbh. First time I’ve heard of being able to swim 5m with floats being grounds for upgrading a 7 yo to the adult pool. My DN had to be able to swim unassisted for 5m in her kids pool class to be upgraded which I think is right.

Sagradafamiliar · 06/08/2019 21:07

What is it with throwing people in water to teach them?
It's not ok especially to do to a nervous child fgs

MrsKCastle · 06/08/2019 21:07

I would not take her back. My DD2 was very nervous at swimming lessons. She took a long time to be comfortable in the water, but at no point was the instructor anything other than patient, gentle and encouraging. They took things at DD's pace. As you say, your child needs to be able to trust her teacher.

Soontobe60 · 06/08/2019 21:07

I’ve seen this happen in countless swimming lessons when I’ve taken children from school. I’ve never seen a child fail to learn to swim as a result.
The instructor put her in the water where another instructor was waiting to hold her. She wasn’t thrown in at the deep end and left to struggle to the side herself. Maybe start taking your dd swimming with your family more and encourage her to jump in to increase her confidence.

Dinnerfor1 · 06/08/2019 21:10

I’m not sure. I can see why you’re not happy if it’s damaged your daughters already fragile confidence. But in my experience this is fairly common during swimming lessons and I’m surprised you’ve not experienced it before. At my daughters lessons they often pick the children up by their arm floats and drop them in and by the arms in the older classes. I don’t think it’s unacceptable behaviour but they definitely should have told/ asked your daughter first.
I would take my dd back but would speak to the teacher about always asking dd first. Could you afford for your dd to do a couple of 1-1 lessons in the big pool to help her gain some confidence?

INeedAFlerken · 06/08/2019 21:10

That's not ok. Happened to me as a small child. Put me off water and swimming for a very long time. It's just wrong.

PlinketyPlinketyPlonk · 06/08/2019 21:11

the instructor just out of the blue from behind picked up my daughter under her arms and dropped her into the pool.

As a nervous swimmer myself who took a long time to learn to swim (not until I was around 11, and still only weakly and on a very basic level to this day) I would be so anxious for the next lesson I'd be working myself up into a horrible panic all week.

Do you think you could give her a couple of weeks off from the lessons and look elsewhere for a more understanding and patient instructor?

You're right, it could knock her confidence hugely.

Soontobe60 · 06/08/2019 21:11

This reply has been deleted

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SamBeckett · 06/08/2019 21:11

Christ I would not take my kid back to a instructor that did that , they are in a position of trust and she abused that.

MrsKCastle · 06/08/2019 21:11

I've just reread your OP. She can only swim 5m with floats, stage 2, and she is expected to jump in and swim in water out of her depth? That doesn't sound right. Stage 2 in our local pool is in the shallow end of the baby pool.

Luvvies · 06/08/2019 21:12

A teacher pushed my son's head under when he was about this age. Years of water phobia followed (e.g. crossing bridges). He tried individual lessons as a teen. Really tried. Still doesn't like being in water, still can't swim. Still talks about it at 23.
He is ridiculously confident at 1001 other things in his life, and doesn't let fear put him off in other areas.

cansu · 06/08/2019 21:14

No it isn't OK for me but I honestly think these formal swim lessons for kids who are not yet comfortable in the water are a waste of time and money. Just take your daughter in the pool every week, encourage her to enjoy mucking about and jumping in. When she is relaxed enough to do this then it is worth paying for lessons.

Flev · 06/08/2019 21:14

My school did this to me. I was absolutely terrified, and completely refused to let go of floats for the rest of the school year. It took my parents the full summer holidays taking me swimming every day on a safe beach (so a completely different environment) before I gained any confidence at all. I'm now a perfectly competent swimmer but still scared to go out if my depth, and I'm sure it dates back to that experience.

I wouldn't send her back to that teacher again.

Justaboutdone · 06/08/2019 21:14

They do sometimes need some encouragement!

They have helped my youngest jump in pool and then pull him under the water. He won’t put his head under water on his own and will very timidly jump into pool.

He’s actually had a new instructor recently who is lovely with them but a bit more forceful than previous instructor and has come on so much in the last couple of weeks

KnifeAngel · 06/08/2019 21:15

They did this to my Dd aged 2. I was furious. She was crying hysterically. The instructor apologised to me and Dd. I made a formal complaint about it.

Justgivemesomepeace · 06/08/2019 21:15

Totally unacceptable. Try and find different lessons. My son had lessons at one place for a year and got nowhere. His teacher did similar to a little boy in his class. Picked him up and dropped him in. He then swam the width crying. She didnt even acknowledge his achievement when he got across. I moved my son to an amazing pool and he was swimming unaided in about 5 sessions. They do loads of fun water confidence on badge 1 and all can swim unaided for badge 2. Everywhere seems different though regarding levels and badges. However they have them swimming with head under from day 1. Loads of splashing games, going under for hoops etc. Physically pushing them under through hoops, they dont use floatation aids much, just when necessary in parts of the lessons. I would honestly look somewhere else for somewhere with instructors in the water with them. There are 2 teachers for about 8 kids, both in the water at my sons lessons. Hes cone on amazingly since we moved him. I think what the teacher did to your daughter is totally wrong and shows a completely wrong mindset to teaching children.