Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be absolutely furious with this swim instructor?

113 replies

KJaggard1 · 06/08/2019 20:56

So my dd (7) just got moved up to stage 2 in her swimming lessons, she can swim 5m with floats, and this means she’s also moved up to the ‘big’ pool which is deeper and even with half the length cut off it’s still out of her depth one end. She was very nervous last week and refused to jump into the deeper end. I told the instructor that she’s very nervous about the big pool and needs to build her confidence. So this week my dd was still extremely anxious and again refused to jump in, although she did appear to give it serious consideration this week so a tiny improvement, she wasn’t holding up the lesson as the other kids were happily jumping in past my dd with the other instructor in the pool assisting them. Anyway after a few minutes of cajoling the instructor just out of the blue from behind picked up my daughter under her arms and dropped her into the pool. (She’s quite young, early 20’s maybe she got frustrated 🤷‍♀️) The other instructor was there and pulled her up but she had gone under for a few seconds. My dd was upset and refused to speak to anyone while she was assisted to the shallow end and just stood at the side mute, and clearly upset. It was the end of the lesson and obviously I immediately got up, I told my dd the lesson was done and she could get out (the other kids already got out) and asked her if the teacher had told her she was going to put her in before she did it, she said no, I said did you want her to do that? She said no. So I told the instructor and the swim manager who was also supervising the lesson that I was unhappy (as calmly and politely as I could so as not to blow it up in my daughter’s mind), I made it clear that I wasn’t concerned for her safety as that wasn’t at risk but that she needs to trust her teachers in order to gain confidence and that I felt they’d betrayed her trust and damaged her confidence further in all likelihood and achieved nothing as the confidence had to come from dd. They just looked at me incredulous like I was a crazy person and said if it was really that big of a problem they wouldn’t do it again. No apology or even any indication they thought it was wrong. I’ve been a parent for 19 years, and been present at hundreds of swimming lessons in that time and I’ve never witnessed an instructor put a child into the pool without warning against their will before, and a nervous non-swimmer at that, I thought it was a given that you just didn’t do that to another person 7 or 70? They just kinda laughed nervously at me whilst I told them it was entirely unacceptable in my view. Dd now doesn’t want to go back. AIBU? Am I being overprotective? Is this acceptable behaviour? Would you take your child back?

OP posts:
Cheby · 06/08/2019 21:15

Jesus I’d be livid! My children are extremely water confident but we have absolutely drilled in to them that you never ever push or throw someone into the pool without their consent. It’s basic water safety isn’t it?!

I’d leave, formal complaint and find a different place for swimming lessons.

MrsKCastle · 06/08/2019 21:15

Soontobe60 there's no need for that. There are all sorts of reasons why some parents don't take young babies swimming. FWIW, I did take my DD2 to baby lessons, until recurrent ear infections on her part and then pnd on my part put an end to that. There's no need to be so condescending.

OnlyLittleMissOrganised · 06/08/2019 21:20

This happened to me. Now I'm a perfectly happy swimmer but had to get there in my own time and I detest putting my head and face in the water. It is completely in appropriate way to support a child especially one that is nervous around water. I would personally complain further. Maybe your dd could go back in the other class until she is more confident.

Booboostwo · 06/08/2019 21:24

Absolutely awful, I wouldn’t take her back.

I tried a different instructor for my DD once. In the beginners group there was a teenage girl who was very, very scared of the water. She was making slow but steady progress in the shallow pool when in lesson 5, far too early for anyone in that group IMO, the instructor asked the kids to jump in the deep end of the big pool. She refused. At first he was encouraging, tried to get her to jump in holding his hand but she didn’t want to. Then he started berating her, telling her all the young ones had done it and she was an embarrassment, and then tried to physically push her in. She was too big and strong to push in so he literally scuffled with her while she screamed in fear, it was awful. Oddly enough the girl’s mother just stood and watched. My DD got so worried from just seeing this we never went back, I can’t imagine how it affected the poor girl who went through it.

KJaggard1 · 06/08/2019 21:25

My dd isn’t scared of the pool, she loves the water but is anxious when she can’t reach the bottom and about jumping in as she isn’t able to swim unaided. She wasn’t willingly helped into the waiting arms of an instructor she was plonked in after standing at the side shaking her head for 5 minutes. It’s pool policy that once they reach 7 they go up to the big pool regardless of ability, it seems nuts to me. Thanks for your comments.

OP posts:
CloserIAm2Fine · 06/08/2019 21:26

YANBU

Not swimming but I’ve taken kids that age to PGL and seen them face their fears, sometimes they just can’t do it. They’re encouraged to give it a go but never ever forced to. Which is how it should be. And the same goes for swimming, probably even more so since it’s an important skill to learn (unlike abseiling!) so you don’t want her fear to be made worse by things like this

I wouldn’t take her back. If possible maybe a few 1:1 lessons with a good instructor to work on her confidence at her own speed would be useful. She will have more chance to learn to trust them, and won’t be comparing herself to the other children who are finding it all easier than she is at the moment.

pointythings · 06/08/2019 21:27

That isn't OK and I wouldn't go back. I do think your DD would benefit from some fun swimming without pressure to boost her confidence, and then perhaps look at 1:1 lessons if you can afford it.

Jellybeansincognito · 06/08/2019 21:27

You could class this as assault tbh. Couldn’t you? She picked up your child when she was there to teach her to swim, not pick her up and scare her.

Disgusting behaviour, you should absolutely report this further.

Jellybeansincognito · 06/08/2019 21:29

It doesn’t matter what her intentions were either- you don’t pick up a child or even touch them unless they are in danger. Your child wasn’t in danger and she picked her up without anyone’s consent, beyond swimming... it gives off huge wrong impressions to your child. That could ruin trust with all adults in her life.

Jellybeansincognito · 06/08/2019 21:32

I’m fuming for you OP. I’m sat here thinking about things that scare me and how I’d react if someone physically pushed me into that situation without my consent or knowledge of what they were doing until it was too late.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 06/08/2019 21:34

DD 4.5 is in Stage 2 and they are encouraged to jump in on their own without floats. Encouraged! Not forced! That is really wrong.

As she is older I would say one on one lessons if you can afford.

MyHeadIsBursting · 06/08/2019 21:35

YANBU my swimming instructor did this to me at age 6. I was already nervous in the water and to this day I panic if my feet can’t touch the bottom. I can barely swim and I can’t bring myself to put my face in the water. I’ve never once jumped in on my own.

CaptainMyCaptain · 06/08/2019 21:36

My Dad did something similar to me when I was about 5. I'm sure he had the best of intentions but it just ensured that I had a life long fear of water and, although I learned to swim in my 40s, I am still not confident in water and can't bring myself to do things I would love to do like snorkelling, canoeing, paddle boarding etc.

Luxembourgmama · 06/08/2019 21:37

Similar happened to me as a kid and I'm still
Scared of water. I'd have let rip

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 06/08/2019 21:37

TBH, I think taking your children swimming when they are babies is really important to build confidence, then if needed formal lessons later to improve technique, but clearly some pps on here weren’t arsed about that and then end up with children who are scared of swimmIng.

Rubbish, @Soontobe60

Babies won’t remember swimming at that age. Pointless. If they enjoy it, fine. If not, don’t sweat it.

I took ds swimming from 4. He didn’t have the attention span or skill. Left it a couple of years and started him at 7 in one to one lessons. He swims like a fish now, aged 12.

Taking babies swimming means literally nothing in their swimming development.

Op, I’d complain and leave. Take your dc elsewhere. If they can only do 5 metres with floats, why are they jumping in out of their depth? Sounds bonkers. Hope they are ok and not traumatised.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 06/08/2019 21:37

Christ all fucking mighty there was no way that was going to end in a more confident child! Confused A traumatised one, quite possibly!!

FiaMarrow · 06/08/2019 21:38

Soontobe60 that's a ridiculous assumption to make, that people can't be arsed! My DD has been going to swimming lessons since she was a baby, she is still nervous at 8. Partly because of a spell with an awful teacher who mocked her and poured water over her.

OP, I would be furious.

christinarossetti19 · 06/08/2019 21:38

It's absolutely not acceptable behaviour, nor does it help children to learn to swim.

The policy of going into the big pool aged 7 whether you can swim or not does indeed sound nuts. Is there another swim class near by that you could try?

A swim instructor took my ds aged 4 down to the deep end on a noodle. I was behind him and I didn't realise immediately that he was screaming and kicking in fear. When I did, I asked the instructor to stop and bring him back, and never do that again.

Ds stopped swimming lessons then and only got his confidence back aged 9. He's now 10 and can swim, but it took a long time for him to feel comfortable out of his depth.

AngelasAshes · 06/08/2019 21:39

Do you take your kid swimming for fun? It’s really important to just go to pool and horse around in the kids shallow pool to build confidence. We did that’s from age 1 and by 7 were teaching them ocean swimming.
But, nothing wrong with late start my dad actually just learned to swim and he is 70.

So I would stop the lessons and start taking your kid to pool to play in kids pool & big pool with you. Even before they can swim they’d can still practice going under water to pick up dive toys in shallow end where water is in their depth. Goggles are invaluable.
Get her confident before starting formal lessons.

tmh88 · 06/08/2019 21:39

Don’t send her back. I have a massive phobia of water from being pushed in the pool by a swimming instructor and it still upsets me now and it’s a hell of a lot of years ago. She pushed me in with a pole. I was too scared to jump in I felt like I was drowning (granted I did come to the top like she said I would) but it was awful and my dad forced me back every week and I use to scream the place down aged about 7. The entire thing still gives me shudders now.

YetAnotherThing · 06/08/2019 21:39

Could you do some 1-2-1 lessons over the summer with someone to rebuild confidence, and then back to group lessons elsewhere in September? Maybe group lesson of the 1-2-1 instructor, so they really know her

Nanna50 · 06/08/2019 21:40

They only need to jump into a pool by the end of stage 2. Can you find another instructor? My DGS was loving swimming lessons and moving quickly through the stages, it only took one instructor to knock his confidence and he stopped enjoying it and really didn’t want to go anymore to the point he cried before his lesson and had to stop Angry

KJaggard1 · 06/08/2019 21:42

@Soontobe60 I did take her swimming, she’s the 4th of 6 children so maybe not as often as I’d have liked but she’s not scared of the water. And @Dinnerfor1 she didn’t have on any floats. Thanks everyone I was seriously beginning to doubt myself, I’m going to complain and try to get her back in the small pool with a different instructor while she gets more confidence

OP posts:
notoafternoontea · 06/08/2019 21:43

@Soontobe60 I did take my baby swimming. She hated it and the instructor told us to stop coming. She started again at 4 and loves it. Your post was snippy and unkind and not reflective of everyone’s experiences.

OP, I wouldn’t take her back there, but I would take her swimming again ASAP.

AngelasAshes · 06/08/2019 21:46

@theunrivalledjoysofparenting
I disagree. A 1 yr old is learning to walk & run. They are capable and able to also start learning swimming. They DO remember and get used to being in water. You have to do it often though. If you go swimming twice a year, forget it.
By age 3, they’re wearing wings and goggles and jumping in the pool to a waiting parent or being bounced up and dunked or sliding on a swimming adults back.
And so on. Both my kids are great swimmers. One was even on swim team in primary school (private) until she got bored.