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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be absolutely furious with this swim instructor?

113 replies

KJaggard1 · 06/08/2019 20:56

So my dd (7) just got moved up to stage 2 in her swimming lessons, she can swim 5m with floats, and this means she’s also moved up to the ‘big’ pool which is deeper and even with half the length cut off it’s still out of her depth one end. She was very nervous last week and refused to jump into the deeper end. I told the instructor that she’s very nervous about the big pool and needs to build her confidence. So this week my dd was still extremely anxious and again refused to jump in, although she did appear to give it serious consideration this week so a tiny improvement, she wasn’t holding up the lesson as the other kids were happily jumping in past my dd with the other instructor in the pool assisting them. Anyway after a few minutes of cajoling the instructor just out of the blue from behind picked up my daughter under her arms and dropped her into the pool. (She’s quite young, early 20’s maybe she got frustrated 🤷‍♀️) The other instructor was there and pulled her up but she had gone under for a few seconds. My dd was upset and refused to speak to anyone while she was assisted to the shallow end and just stood at the side mute, and clearly upset. It was the end of the lesson and obviously I immediately got up, I told my dd the lesson was done and she could get out (the other kids already got out) and asked her if the teacher had told her she was going to put her in before she did it, she said no, I said did you want her to do that? She said no. So I told the instructor and the swim manager who was also supervising the lesson that I was unhappy (as calmly and politely as I could so as not to blow it up in my daughter’s mind), I made it clear that I wasn’t concerned for her safety as that wasn’t at risk but that she needs to trust her teachers in order to gain confidence and that I felt they’d betrayed her trust and damaged her confidence further in all likelihood and achieved nothing as the confidence had to come from dd. They just looked at me incredulous like I was a crazy person and said if it was really that big of a problem they wouldn’t do it again. No apology or even any indication they thought it was wrong. I’ve been a parent for 19 years, and been present at hundreds of swimming lessons in that time and I’ve never witnessed an instructor put a child into the pool without warning against their will before, and a nervous non-swimmer at that, I thought it was a given that you just didn’t do that to another person 7 or 70? They just kinda laughed nervously at me whilst I told them it was entirely unacceptable in my view. Dd now doesn’t want to go back. AIBU? Am I being overprotective? Is this acceptable behaviour? Would you take your child back?

OP posts:
HotMess21 · 07/08/2019 11:08

That is awful, @KJaggard1! The same thing happened to me at the age of 11, when my very forthright PE teacher sneaked up behind me as I was hovering by the edge of the pool and shoved me into the deep end. I had only just learnt to swim and was very nervous - hence the tentative hovering. I'll never forget how shocked and terrified I felt as I sank under the water; truly thought that I was going to drown. When I managed to get out, I remember being upset and crying. The PE teacher just shrugged it off and said that she knew I would be fine. The fear has remained with me to this day (I'm mid-50s) and, on the rare occasions that I summon up the courage to take a brief swim, I ensure that I am in shallow water (swimming pool only; the ocean is too much).

maccaroni · 07/08/2019 12:27

I’d recommend joining a Learn to Swim programme run as part of a swimming club. The standard of lessons is better & there is clear progression. Some of these stories are shocking!

Iminagony · 07/08/2019 12:56

Wow no way is that ok.

My dd is like that.
She's been going swimming at the same pool for 3.5 years (with me in the pool), got moved up a group to a different set of instructors, same pool, me at the side. It took 25 mins of the lesson before she would even get in to sit on the steps.
Next week it took much less.

She loves swimming by the way too.

But no way would I have just made her go in.

Even in a few years I wouldn't be ok with that. If your dd needs time to adjust and not be pushed (mentally and physically), then if her instructors cannot adapt their technique to the student I'd take her elsewhere.

CottonSock · 07/08/2019 13:01

Wouldn't happen where I take my nervous dd. I really recommend trying somewhere else that has an intensive course in holidays.

KJaggard1 · 07/08/2019 19:40

So I emailed in a formal complaint this morning outlining what had happened stating I wanted an apology, assurances that this was not pool policy and would not happen to anyone at the pool ever again, and my dd moved to a new teacher preferably back in the small pool. Within the hour the centre manager called me back, apologised, agreed that that should never happen and got my daughter into a level 2 class back in the small pool with the under 7s. He said he would personally speak to all the staff and particularly with dd’s instructors to ensure that everyone knows that they should not be doing that under any circumstances. So we’ll see how it goes, hopefully going back into the shallower pool will give dd chance to build her confidence back up again.

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 07/08/2019 19:46

Well done. I hope she regains her confidence.

Vgbeat · 07/08/2019 19:56

I would be annoyed, although it is the way my dad taught me to swim in a navy training pool that was extremely deep for helicopter submersion training😂. However I would never expect someone to do this for my child especially someone who doesn't know them. I sometimes have to force things with my daughter as I know she will enjoy doing certain things or could do things if she just had a go but that is my call and certainly wouldn't do something that would put her off or be dangerous.

longearedbat · 07/08/2019 20:05

Another one here who was frightened as a child during a swimming lesson. It was poorly supervised, I got out of my depth and thought I was going to drown (early 1960s, so I was just dragged out and told to stop snivelling). It took many years and a supportive peer group at boarding school before I got my confidence back. I feel for the op's daughter, these things stay with you.

SabineUndine · 07/08/2019 20:06

My PE teacher did similar to me when I was six. As a result, I was terrified of the water and it took me several years to learn to swim. YADNBU and the instructor is a controlling fuckwit who shouldn't be working with children.

WickedGoodDoge · 07/08/2019 20:08

That’s absolutely not on.

I would have a look around to see if there are any swim clubs with swim schools attached to them. DS(17) is a swim coach and his club run a swim school all day on a Saturday. Club swimmers can volunteer to be pool aides from the age of 14 so there are always plenty people in the pool to help with children who are unsure of the water or of need of extra encouragement. They would never force a child into the pool! It’s a great set up and I’d see if there were anything similar in your area.

christinarossetti19 · 07/08/2019 20:56

That sounds great KJaggard1. The small pool sounds much more suitable for your dd and I'm glad that the manager will speak to the instructors.

Hermie12 · 07/08/2019 21:16

100% the right thing to put in a formal complaint. I’m glad you had a good outcome. I remember being pushed in the pool by a teacher when I wouldn’t jump in at primary school . It took until secondary school before I was confident to jump in without worrying . Was fine after that but I still remember the incident clearly . I’m 45.

Patroclus · 07/08/2019 22:12

Its also ridiculously dangerous along with everything else

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