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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying Keep

412 replies

Lee17 · 06/08/2019 17:23

Hi All,
My 16 yr old daughter has left school is earning now. She is on an Apprenticeship, which starts officially in September. She is earning about £130 a week at the minute, which may well go up if she does more hours. Now, I think it is reasonable for her to pay a little towards her keep. At the moment we are encouraging her to save half, which she is doing but when we mentioned keep she threw a wobbly. Is it reasonable to ask her to pay say £25 a week, then save half of the rest and have the other half to spend as she pleases? My husband and I were brought up to pay keep, many, many years ago! And back then in the early 80s, he was paying about £20 and I was about £15. Any advice please? I think they need to appreciate how long it takes to earn what they intend to spend and to evaluate the cost and if it is worth it. We pay for everything for her at the minute, apart from extra clothes and makeup. Thanks. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. Keep or no Keep?

OP posts:
Stefoscope · 22/01/2020 23:18

Saving is a useful lesson to instill early on. Teenagers, with no guidance will happily fritter away money whilst relying on the bank of mum and dad. As you've discovered Op, the £6.5k+ she's earning on an apprenticeship could go a long way to paying for driving lessons or a car.

BillHadersNewWife · 22/01/2020 23:21

Saving half is a LOT if you're also expecting her to pay keep and her own toiletries/clothes/bus fare

RiftGibbon · 22/01/2020 23:26

Way back in the mists of time, when I got my first job, and was earning about £600 per month, I was expected to contribute to the household income.
Prior to that, when I had a Saturday Jon, I could keep that to spend, and the child allowance money went into the household income pot.
The sooner people learn how to manage money, the better...and the sooner teens (and older) realise that everything costs money the more set they'll be for paying rent, bills, travel etc. in everyday life.

Serin · 22/01/2020 23:27

Depends if you need the money or not?
If you dont then I wouldnt, especially as you paid her siblings uni costs and wont be doing so for this child.

Atilathehunter · 22/01/2020 23:31

FWIW, my two sisters, aged 28 and 32 both still at home, have decent salaries, don’t contribute a penny to my retired parents and still have their meals cooked and laundry done.

Floralnomad · 22/01/2020 23:34

It’s entirely your choice however paying keep does not teach children to save or budget , that is something that should have been taught years before .

keo8260 · 22/01/2020 23:41

Tax credits and child benefit are not paid for children in apprenticeships. I think she should pay something.

Durgasarrow · 23/01/2020 03:50

I think it's harsh unless you plan to give it back to her at some point.

Nancydrawn · 23/01/2020 04:29

Old post all, now updated.

Poorolddaddypig · 23/01/2020 05:50

Mumsnet loves keep but I think if you don’t really really need it then it’s a bit mean. I never paid keep and neither did literally anyone I knew. Her wage is tiny.

Poorolddaddypig · 23/01/2020 05:52

I also thinks it’s totally unreasonable for you to dictate that she needs to save half AND pay keep!! One or the other surely?! Like if she’s adult enough to pay keep them you don’t get a say in what she does with the rest of her cash. If you want to still tell her what to do like a child then treat her like a child and don’t make her pay keep.

penisbeakers · 23/01/2020 05:55

If you make her save half and then went £25 from her, she will have little left for traveling and things for herself. If you are still able to claim child benefit for her then that's unfair to her.

maddiemookins16mum · 23/01/2020 06:22

You are doing the right thing. She is a young adult now. £20 a week is fine towards the bills.

Onaslipperyslope · 23/01/2020 06:45

How about a percentage as keep..regardless of what you earn. Perhaps 10%.That way it seems fair to both daughters

ariana1 · 23/01/2020 06:58

I voted YABU - if it’s the principle then charge her a small amount but let her spend the rest of her money as she likes and stop assuming parental control. Treat her like a working adult but support her as much as you can as she’s still learning and developing her career.
One of the joys of earning for the first time is the freedom to spend your own money. You’re effectively leaving with little more than pocket money after her travel and essential work costs.

Jimdandy · 23/01/2020 07:04

I was going to say that YANBU then I read you are treating her differently to her sister... no keep until her sister paid

SuperMeerkat · 23/01/2020 07:05

Definitely keep. My DS is 16 and is doing a level 1 certificate in electrics before starting his apprenticeship in September. He currently has a part time job in a restaurant, usually one or two shifts a week. He pays us 20% of his wages (all tips are his) Usually works out to about £60 a month. We then pay his mobile phone (£18pcm) and the fridge/freezer is always stocked up.

Salene · 23/01/2020 07:08

I wouldn't charge my child to live in my house personally and I was never charged either as a child.

I think it's unfair unless you are absolutely broke and need the money for bills.

Zeusthemoose · 23/01/2020 07:16

It seems strange to still pay for phone and extras, pack her lunch and dictate how much she saves yet want her to pay keep to teach some sense of responsibility.

Why don't you let her keep all her wages but take a step back and let her manage her own finances and pay for her own phone and travel?

thegreylady · 23/01/2020 07:36

I never asked any of the dc to contribute until they were 21. Even then it was a nominal amount. (All 5 went to university).

FabbyChix · 23/01/2020 07:39

If you don’t need it. Don’t take it.

toria658 · 23/01/2020 07:50

I think ‘keep’ is totally fair. It is not like you are making a profit and young people do need to be aware that when their circumstances change, their independence grows the realties of living start to be accounted for.

As decent parents I think ‘keep’ or contribution is a very fair learning curve and so very important for young adults. I get the ‘not fair argument’ but the truth is her sister will presumably have a student loan/debt to have paid for her education, living expenses etc.. and she will have to pay this back.

A teacher pal of mine has a daughter who wanted a gap year before uni and they asked for basic keep ( like you are) and the daughter was working tables in a cafe full time.

I think young people, should know that life is not cost free, as they gain independence this also means contributing financially to the family pot is part of being an adult.

You are helping your child to realise the realities of financial management. They are not paying for their total ‘keep’ but you are reasonably asking for a contribution to the running costs of your household.

This is really good parenting in my humble opinion. You are teaching, without being punitive and it is a massively hard lesson for youngsters to learn. Well done for asking your daughter to consider the family home and finances and I hope you can withstand the ‘wobblies’.

Jellybeansincognito · 23/01/2020 07:56

I think it’s unreasonable yes.

But then again I’d want them to be saving as much as they can and wouldn’t want to take £1200 a year off them.

Weebitawks · 23/01/2020 08:02

I personally think that charging your younger daughter keep and not your elder will suggest that you value what your elder daughter did more. I don't think the fact that she's earning a bit of money matters, she is furthering her education.

Original poster
Lee17 · 23/01/2020 08:27

Thank you toria658

OP posts: