DH angry with my hearing loss

[IamMachine]

This is my first post, so please be gentle!

I was diagnosed with hearing impairment a few years ago and given two hearing aids.
I can hear okay in quiet environments, but I really struggle with background noise, even with my hearing aids (they amplify everything).
I’ve never really gotten used to the hearing aids. I don’t really wear them much. I still struggle to hear with them in certain situations and they get quite painful after an hour, or so. Also, I’m only 31 and they are visible (NHS basics).
‘D’H doesn’t understand any of this, he seems to think I should wear them anyway, so he doesn’t have to repeat himself.
I should point out, it’s not that often that he has to. And only once or twice when he does.
Two incidents recently have really upset me.
The first was at a very busy, noisy theme park. He snapped at me nastily when I asked him to repeat himself.
The second was driving home from a boating holiday. DD2 needed the toilet and, as we were near MIL, he asked me to phone her from the car to ask if we could nip in.
I really struggle with the phone, in any situation. I’d have no hope of hearing a word in a noisy car, so I said I’d rather not. He angrily threw his phone back in the pocket thingy (behind the handbrake). I explained why and just got a sarcastic “okaaay!” in response. He was in a mood for ages after that.
I tried to talk to him about both times last night, but he’s clearly not sorry and just thinks I should wear my hearing aids. Although even if I did wear them frequently, there’s no way I would take them to a theme park or on a boat!
I should also point out that he does often get angry with me about it, these two instances are just the most recent.
So AIBU to want some patience from him? And understanding that hearing aids aren’t for everyone, nor are they a ‘cure’?

Sorry this is long, I needed to get this off my chest as I’m very upset about it and feel ‘lesser’.

I can see this from both sides as I have moderate to severe hearing loss and wear bilateral hearing aids and also have a deaf DH.

I wear my hearing aids from the moment I get out of the shower until I get into bed, I’m lost without them and certainly couldn’t do my job, working with the general public.

I took a long time to get used to them and had to really persevere, as PPs have said, they never make you not deaf.

As the years have gone by and my hearing has deteriorated I have invested in private hearing aids at £3.5k, they’re brilliant. They’re behind the ear as I’m too deaf for anything else but very lightweight and comfortable.

DH also needs his aids though is slightly less deaf than me. He had private aids but never looked after them properly and lost them.

He has NHS ones but is always taking them out as he gets home and I have the repeat myself all the fucking time - it drives me mad, we can’t seem to have a natural conversation and he misses so much of what is going on.

I have genetic hearing lose and wear 1 nhs aid . At the moment it is enough but because I am prone to ear infections i have to have 2 , but only one to wear all tbe time. The first aids took a while but well worth it .
Everyone has different types of loss. I have high pitch sensitivity and struggle with phone and talking if background noise.
Would your dh come to your audiology appointment and have them explain the support you need?
Maybe all men are shite and not supportive. (Thinking of my own dh )

I'd like to echo [ironic huh?] what fellow hearing impaired people are saying. I have two NHS hearing aids due to moderate to severe hearing impairment [acoustic shock], plus tinnitus severe in one side, moderate in the other.

AND. I've been annoyed in the past at being asked to repeat myself to people. A foot in both camps if you like. In my defence my annoyance was when people were not listening rather than due to any hearing loss on their part. I think that's where things get mixed up on some occasions. People forget and think you're just not paying attention.

Unless I've missed it, there's not much been said about how people laugh at you when you don't hear them. I've always made light of having to ask for repeats at work, for example, and people respond in kind by 'comic' mock shouting. Hilaire.

There are a few things you can do if you live or work with someone with hearing loss, some of which have already been mentioned.

Most important and quite, quite simple but effective: Before you speak, get the attention of whom you're addressing by saying their name or lightly touching their arm. Once they're looking at you they can see how your mouth is moving, which is immensely helpful even if you haven't formally learned to lipread.

Don't SHOUT. Rather project. Think of how an actor's voice reaches the back of a theatre. They are not shouting but they are speaking from the diaphragm and enunciating clearly.

Don't laugh at us. Don't mock.

If you do presentations at work, think about being accessible to people with hearing loss. Subtitles on any screen. Asking beforehand if anyone needs to be sitting near the front. Does anyone need a helper to transcribe? [funding is sometimes available]

EttyG, thank you for taking the time to give us all that information, I’ll copy and paste if you don’t mind to a couple of friends.

You mention in the same situation you would save to ensure the very best. Could you give us some idea of the sort of price range you would be aiming at?

Family and friends are amazingly tolerant of me, particularly coffee mornings where I get to hear about half of what is going on - I start speaking because I think no-one else is, only to discover I’m interrupting. I’d love to be able to hear all the nuances as well.

All the high street opticians, specsavers, boots, vision express offer hearing services but can I rely on them do you think? Or can you give me names of companies that do offer high end specs?

Thank you.

Change of emphasis. I worry about having to pay, batteries don’t seem to last long and NHS tubes need replacing every six months. Could be costly.

The hearing aids shouldn't be too uncomfortable. It sounds as though they need fitting again. You should persevere, though. There is a lot of research showing that people who lose audio stimulation because of uncorrected hearing loss are more prone to forms of dementia, as part of the brain isn't being stimulated. It doesn't sound as though yours is severe enough for that to be an issue, but it's still worth keeping on with them.

Go and get them refitted for a start, and try wearing them for a certain number of hours each day, building up slowly. Tell your stroppy OH you are working on it, and you need him to be patient while you get it sorted.

YANBU OP and it sounds horrible and your DH doesn't sound pleasant at all.
I've just been staying with my in laws for 2 weeks. Lovely, gentle DFIL has hearing loss, sounds very similar to yours. (I asked him about it when I first moved in to see how I could help)
MIL is awful to him sometimes - she speaks quite quietly anyway and when he asks her to repeat (not very often) she will shout at him what she said, very loudly and angrily. Then she'll moan about him being 'deaf as a post'. It makes him look so embarrassed and ashamed.
So you have my sympathy, hope it gets sorted.

@Gentlygrowingoldermale

The very top end hearing aid prices are (before any discounts) usually about £3k each. However do not pay full price!! There is very often offers on such as 2 for 1 or %off the second hearing aid. It's a very competitive market so always worth trying to negotiate!

Any company you go to will have qualified audiologists so professionally you should be able to trust you are being recommended the best hearing aid for you. Like any healthcare professional they have a duty of care to prescribe the correct products for the patient.

What you will find is the national retailers like Boots and Specsavers will probably be the lowest priced but you won't get the same level of service as other companies. That may suit some people if price is a factor of course.
Bear in mind that hearing aids are not their primary business... Boots is primarily a chemist and Specsavers is an opticians. They do well because of them being well known brands.

There are some national hearing aid only retailers ... Amplifon, Hidden Hearing... they will be more focussed on giving the best service as it's their primary business.

Then you have your independent businesses, usually only one or two shops in a local area. These will typically be more expensive (they can't get the same cost prices as the national retailers because of volume) but in most cases you will get someone passionate about what they do. So much so they have personally invested into turning their passion into a business. Similar to going to an independent opticians vs Specsavers.

Independents will usually have access to a bigger range of products although they will have the preferred manufacturers. With national retailers they may only have two or three manufacturers available to them.
So say you had a bad experience with X manufacturer, a National may only be able to offer you one other manufacturer to try. Whereas an independent can usually access most. All down to contracts with the national retailers.

Personally I would go to an independent but make sure you check reviews for your local ones. Like any industry, you can get the odd unscrupulous person.

I would definitely try and visit 2 or 3 places for comparison and have a free trial. A big part of it is also down to the relationship you have with your audiologist.

Costs.. in the private sector you shouldn't need to pay for replacement tubes. Batteries are sometimes included for free in the sales package so check for that too, along with warranty. Most offer 4-5 years warranty for the top end. It's worth having.

When I talk about service, I mean things like lengths of appointments.. some will offer a far longer and more in-depth clinical assessment. Some can do techy things like simulate your loss through speakers to allow whoever is with you in the appointment to understand better what your loss is like.
Some will do more follow up sessions and spend longer fine tuning to your preference. Some will be available every day of the week whereas some will only be in store every Monday so you might have a longer wait for appointments. If you need a repair some may be able to turn it round quicker.
Just some examples I can think of.

Wow, thanks EttyG I couldn't have asked for more. A friend says thanks as well, that's all brilliant advice and information, just what I wanted.