DH angry with my hearing loss

[IamMachine]

This is my first post, so please be gentle!

I was diagnosed with hearing impairment a few years ago and given two hearing aids.
I can hear okay in quiet environments, but I really struggle with background noise, even with my hearing aids (they amplify everything).
I’ve never really gotten used to the hearing aids. I don’t really wear them much. I still struggle to hear with them in certain situations and they get quite painful after an hour, or so. Also, I’m only 31 and they are visible (NHS basics).
‘D’H doesn’t understand any of this, he seems to think I should wear them anyway, so he doesn’t have to repeat himself.
I should point out, it’s not that often that he has to. And only once or twice when he does.
Two incidents recently have really upset me.
The first was at a very busy, noisy theme park. He snapped at me nastily when I asked him to repeat himself.
The second was driving home from a boating holiday. DD2 needed the toilet and, as we were near MIL, he asked me to phone her from the car to ask if we could nip in.
I really struggle with the phone, in any situation. I’d have no hope of hearing a word in a noisy car, so I said I’d rather not. He angrily threw his phone back in the pocket thingy (behind the handbrake). I explained why and just got a sarcastic “okaaay!” in response. He was in a mood for ages after that.
I tried to talk to him about both times last night, but he’s clearly not sorry and just thinks I should wear my hearing aids. Although even if I did wear them frequently, there’s no way I would take them to a theme park or on a boat!
I should also point out that he does often get angry with me about it, these two instances are just the most recent.
So AIBU to want some patience from him? And understanding that hearing aids aren’t for everyone, nor are they a ‘cure’?

Sorry this is long, I needed to get this off my chest as I’m very upset about it and feel ‘lesser’.

@SnugglyBuggy, you think it's difficult for you?

Try being hard ofhearing. It ain t no picnic.

If I had a choice between being hard of hearing or living with someone who was,. No contest.

Can I hear the car behind me? No. Can I hear someone walking into my house? No.

How vulnerable would that make you feel?

Why wouldn't you wear them to a theme park or on a boat? I might choose to take mine out due to the screams, but I wear mine sailing, horseriding and for sports if I need to hear (i teach). I get a sweaty head and rained on, and I know you're supposed to keep them dry, but I'm as fairly sensible about it as I can be, wear a hat and or tie my hair in a low pony tail with a strip of hair covering each aid if I think there's a particular risk of eg spray or them coming out! If I was going on a log flume I might put them away in a case and back in afterwards, but if you need them, wear them!

Hearing aids can be worn whilst sailing and at theme parks!

Not if you don't want to risk these getting wet and damaged and you have to pay for replacements. Also ALL noises will be amplified so these probably won't be that useful.

OP hope you’re still around. I've had hearing aids for twenty years but also a very understanding DW and friends. Of course she gets frustrated at having to repeat things but love copes. Her walking isn't so good either these days so I have to slow down, frustrating, but love copes with it. Feedback from phone and wax is horrible. Eventually you get used to them in an acceptance way.

I just hope DH never finds himself with the same affliction and becomes aware of how many mumble, put hands in front of their mouths or speak to you when they’re in another room.

Friend paid £1600 for two aids which were no better than NHS.

See GP and I wish you well!

OP please look into more help, go back to your NHS audiology clinic for help with the hearing aids but also look into local charities and support groups for the deaf and hearing impaired. They will be able to help you with other aids and equipment, for example there are several ways of making using the phone easier. Maybe consider lessons in lip reading and signing too.

Also ask for support for families, your husband sounds unkind but maybe he is frustrated, confused and lacking understanding. Perhaps learning some strategies for communicating with you would help, perhaps it would also help to have someone else explain the difficulties you are having. He might be somewhat in denial thinking that you just aren't making enough effort but someone else who is "official" might get through to him more effectively.

Lastly get your hearing aids insured. They can probably be covered on a simple contents insurance policy with cover for accidental damage and/or loss outside the home. This will mean you can feel much more relaxed about wearing them for activities.

@IamMachine hearing loss is a hidden disability and sadly some people don't seem to be able to process that.
My MIL has been profoundly deaf since her late 20s. Hearing aids have changed unbelievably over the years. MIL now has superduper NHS digital aids, her hearing and balance are the best the best they have been in years.
Please go back to your GP/Consultant and ask for help. HAs aren't perfect but there may be a better fit for you.
My DH is now following his DM with hearing issues and yes it's sometimes frustrating but never an excuse for me to be horrible to him.

@user1471453601

I'm not saying being deaf is easy at all. Trying to talk to someone who can't hear you is harder work than someone who can. If its someone you dearly love then you suck it up as best you can.

I have hearing loss, mainly in my right ear. I have had two operations to try to fix the bones to no avail and now I have nerve damage. I hated my original hearing aid but now I have an NHS digital one which I can hide behind my hair and can choose various programmes on, filter out background and so on. I always use the subtitles on TV and get really annoyed by the crap ones, particularly for Strictly and The Last Leg.

Keep trying. Oh, and it's not the only thing that isn't fixable - I have congenital dental problems and am being looked after by the dental hospital but my teeth are still painful and don't work like real ones.

Oh, and BT has a special service for those with hearing loss, to help you communicate by typing though, if your family and in-laws could get used to text-based communication, you could just use your mobile.

I think that your husband needs to get a quick kick in the arse.

You say you had the aids 'a few years ago'. Technology has advanced and so has what's available on NHS. My father wore aids for probably the last 15-20 years of his life, initially privately but the very last pair he got via Specsavers and I think were on NHS were tiny, didn't whistle and frankly took his hearing back to how it was before he started losing his hearing, Tiny things - if he'd had hair you'd never have know he had them in.
Definitely go back and see what's available and better now.

I totally understand you @IamMachine
I have severe/profound hearing loss that has deteriorated very quickly of the past couple of years. As hearing got worse the Tinnitus has got louder.
I was given NHS hearing aids at the Audiology Dept about 5years ago and the moment I stepped outside they were almost useless. They picked all the background noise and I could not hear people especially womens' voices.
I could not wear them and stopped wearing them.

Anyway fast forward to a few months ago I asked my GP if I could have a referral to my local SPECSAVERS for NHS hearings aids as getting to the hospital was way beyond my physical capability with limited mobility.

I was not expecting much tbh because I was really fed up at being shouted at by family members but....
The whole experience has changed my life!
They were/are fantastic and the technology has improved so much in the past few years and the hearing aids are a lot smaller and the sound is amazing!
I cannot believe the difference they have made to me being able to hear!
I would definitely recommend getting a referral to them as it's so much easier and they are really brilliant!

Your DH is bring a prick OP.

But you need to get back to the doctor for a new referral and find aids that work better for you. There are some brilliant options these days! And you just wear them all the time for long enough to get used to them and for your brain to relearn to filter out the background noise.best of luck.

Another one here that thinks maybe you should cut each other some slack. It does sound that ye both have lots going on with MH and mobility issues as well as the deafness. Tempers are bound to fray from time to time. I think you should have a conversation where you promise to look into alternatives but he needs to accept that if it turns out there are none that it's out of your control .

Can you try to see the hearing clinic again?.Some opticians/Boots /Specsavers do a special monthly payment plan .on hearing aids .Sometimes when you are young, People become more frustrated than they would with a older person.What about Lip reading classes.Try to rest and stay calm if possible ,hearing is a fluid sense that goes up and down ,and is better if you are fully alert.Some glasses have hearing aids built in .

@Mamia15 I think you've misinterpreted what I meant by comparing glasses and hearing aids. To me sight issues are common, as are hearing issues. I appreciate that in times gone by there might have been stigma associated with wearing hearing aids when they were less common and only for people with profound hearing loss, but that's not the case now and therefore not wearing hearing aids because you're embarrassed/ashamed etc is just silly. Just like people are (on the whole) no longer bullied for wearing glasses, I'd say the same is true for hearing aids. I see them on people of all ages all the time.

My DH won't wear his because he's professional in his mid-thirties and is worried people will stigmatise him for wearing them (and they're harder to hide with short hair) and everyone will know he has hearing loss. Yet he's happy to wear specs that advertise to the world that his vision isn't perfect. My comparison was that both vision and hearing loss are common therefore neither should be something that's comment-worthy if you see someone with hearing aids/glasses.

I just can't get into the mindset of knowing you have hearing loss and then not doing everything you can to try and minimise this. When prescribed hearing aids you're told that it will take a long time to get used to them, that it might take several adjustments before you feel the benefit etc. Then there's all the non-NHS all singing all dancing ones. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's got to be better than doing nothing surely?

Having said all of that though, I suspect OP has more of a husband issue than a hearing one going from the more recent posts. If I were you, OP, I'd treat the two separately. Sort your hearing for you, no one else, you're missing out on all sorts by not trying to reduce the impact it has and that's sad.

Also when out ,try to sit with a solid wall behind you if possible .this will absorb the echo and help you hear more clearly

I wear a hearing aid too, and I'm 32. Less of the "only", you can have hearing loss at any age. Some people are born with it!

As everyone else has said, GO BACK TO YOUR AUDIOLOGIST. You're entitled to bug them till you're happy.

Are there any lip reading classes near you? I lip read naturally, but if this is new to you you may need some help.

Send your husband on a hearing loss awareness course.

Even if your hearing aids don't help you much, they are a sign to other people that you have a hearing problem. I complained that mine were only available in a skin tone, and jazzed them up with nail stickers

Wanting invisible aids is a bit daft - vanity over practicality. You're not inferior or less beautiful because you have aids. Acessorize them, pimp them. There are so many things you can do even to NHS aids.

Check with your audiologist - mine said that they dispose of the outer casing when you return them, so I was free to do literally anything to that, so long as I didn't damage the internals.

Match the colour of your tubing to your outfit if you want Make other people want your cool hearing aids!

You need to persevere with your hearing aids op.

Apologies haven't had time to RTFT ... DM has hearing loss from working in a noisy environment and wore NHS hearing aids for years. NHS would only provide an a aid for one ear, in those days.

After much further deterioration she now has a cochlear implant which is great, but she had to have it on the 'hearing aid' side because her brain was no longer processing sound from the other ear. It's worth using what you have as much as possible.

Hearing aids and glasses can be similar.

I have glasses for short-sightedness. They're over 9 years old and in that time, they don't work as well for distance and my close and mid vision has also deteriorated. But I can manage most of the time with them, even though they're a bit uncomfortable.

To refuse to wear them at all because I can't see brilliantly with them at all distances and I get headaches from them would mean I wouldn't be able to function and would be entirely dependent upon DP.

(I'm great at navigating the house at night/in pitch darkness though, as I'm so used to not being able to see properly, I know my way around by touch).

I'd expect DP to be pissed off if I refused to use the not really suitable appliance/tool that makes me at least able to just about function. (especially as it's how I lipread through the tinnitus).

It'll be great to have glasses that might work a bit better though - even if it is only for a short time before the other heriditary eye and hearing problems catch up with me. Got to save up, though - and rent is far more important.

Both me and my sister have hearing loss. Me in one ear (I have no hearing aids) and my sister in both (she has NHS hearing aids like you but prefers not to use them). I know both our partners get asked multiple times a day to repeat or we miss hear what they say. They've suggested we need to wear/get hearing aids but they certainly have never treated us like this and been cruel about it.
I can understand that your DH could become frustrated with having to repeat himself but he could be a little bit more sympathetic and understanding that you have a hearing impairment. It's not like you're purposefully not listening to him. I think you need to sit your DH down and explain how you're feeling about your hearing aids.

I've had hearing aids since I was 2. My bf gets annoyed with me when I constantly ask him to repeat himself,(been together 6 years). I don't wear mine as much as I should because I'm still in denial about it due to bullying in school etc.
I've had new ones from the NHS when I complained about having headaches and background noise being amplified and these new ones gradually build up the volume over a set amount of months to ease me in to wearing them daily. Could you ask for some of those? Mind you, I still struggle with phones so end up taking them out and putting speakerphone on.
Your DH does sound a little U with his behaviour despite it being frustrating. Try to be calm
Or do what I do, and turn my aids off so I can't hear any rudeness!

Mamia15 not all hearing aids amplify everything, DH's have been adjusted to his specific loss of frequency.

I have loss of hearing and use a hearing aid in left ear. It really does amplify odd noises you didnt notice before wearing them..
E.g. tills beeping makes you wince
driving under power lines high pitched noise
wearing sunglasses together with your aide, they push your aide into the back of your ear causing rubbing and annoys you.
if you dont see a child behind you, you certainly notice their high pitched screech when they pass. Girls are worst.
All the above can be alleviated by turning them down but then you cant hear so much. Apart from wearing sunglasses I just dont wear my aide with them. Thankfully I have contacts and not glasses.

My DH is very tolerant and will look at me when he speaks if he can and does speak clearly not quietly or mumbling.
We have a laugh when I think he said something and it was totally different and our children sometimes just mouth what their saying, little buggers.
It is annoying and can cause some distress to the users.
Benefit we had recently was; getting a green card at Disneyland due to my deafness, that made everyone very glad I was hard of hearing as we could go straight on the rides this summer. :-)

Op you sound the same to me. I was losing my hearing over the last few years - hated it. Finally went to the doc and got a heating test - showed very poor high sounds hearing - which I knew

I don’t hear the cooker bleep. Drives df insane

I’m not deaf as in I don’t hear every day to day stuff. Tv.people speaking My child crying etc

But I do findbackgrohnd noise bloody hard and miss things in pubs etc

Anyway after hearing test I got given two hearing aids. I do t like wearing them. But I do - had for nearly 2yrs

I have the same as one of the long number posters - as in I can change them either my phone. Or eat. To quiet. Tv. Noisy

Will post a pic of them.

I am going back Think next week as they aren’t quite right - imnot hearing the bloody cooker bleeper if I take the left one out - so something not right with right one